MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
10/16/2011 08:41 AM

Husband is a narcotics addict

waterlilly89
waterlilly89  
Posts: 80
Member

Hello all-

My husband has been addicted to painkillers for more than 5 years. I didn't know this before we got married..I figured it out on my own. My husband is also BP, he only started taking medication for his BP after we got married. We've had a rocky marriage from the start..but I love him so much.

He stopped taking pills Jan 1st of this year. He was clean up until May. He relapsed..I knew about it. I tried being supportive. He was honest, he said he couldn't control it. I pushed for him to go to NA..and he kept saying that he would, but it never happened. I don't know how much he has been using since his first relapse in May. But I do know that he's in pretty deep right now. He mentioned something about injecting himself with painkillers? and I did find needles yesterday..How would he even do this? Sad

Well, yesterday I found 8 30mg oxycodones. I flushed them all. He got home before me and I guess he went to go look for his stash and realized they were all gone. He blew up my phone and was frantic. He was livid. All he kept asking me was where in the hell were his pills. It was so sad. I told him he needed to leave the house. He said he was done with me, and that he wanted a divorce, but that he wasn't leaving the house. I once again told him to leave the house, or I would call the cops. He did finally leave, he left before I got home..so I didn't even get a chance to see him.

He text me about an hr after he left saying that once he picked up his things he would leave me the keys to the house. Oh, and that there was no chance he was paying the rent. I'm so distraught. He was doing so well for so long. Now the man that I married is gone again..all I see is a desperate addict.

I want to think that if I don't let him come back..maybe he will realize he needs to get clean? He's realized it before. Why can't he see it now? I know he loves me..I know it. He stopped before...what can I do to help him? I want my husband back so badly..

Reply

10/16/2011 09:19 AM
Denielle
Denielle  
Posts: 53
Member

Hi there,

I am new at this too... I joined on friday. I know what your going through, because I am as well. My fiance of 4 years has the same additcion. He also with xanax... He hit rock bottom before we met after his sister passed away and then got clean... I found out because I found a methadone bottle. He was doing great! We had a wonderful relationship... He went off and things went down hill very quickly... We broke up for ten months and still kept in contact... With a lot of upos and downs.. He lost his job, his room mate left.. Then he came to me and broke down and wanted to get help... I moved back in and he went into a program in may, got a new job, and things were going so well... We were working things out and then it started all over again... But this time he still on the methadone but taking xanax as well... I am not against the program if you dont abuse it.. He does the same things... I'm done with you, get out, And so on... Then hes sorry and and done with everything... We ave 3 children 2 from pre relationships and 1 together and its really hard sometimes... Im scared all the time... Always checking on him, going through his cell and stuff... Its a never ending battle... I love hime so much and just want him to be well... I know this isnt him right now... There are a lot of suppotive people here... I feel better that I have someone to talk to because most people dont understand what we are going through... Especially the addict... They dont realize that we are going through alot as well... But it is there fight and until they come to terms with there addiction, theres not much we can do.. I myself is trying to find the tools how to deal with him.. Im always the bad guy, its me not him... He gets very angry with me when I try to talk to him or question him..... So I have been just been trying to dtay out of his way and wait for the storm to be over... I hope you find the help you need on here... If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here... I know I was probably not much help, But I wanted to reach out to you and let you know your not alone.... Take care of yourself...

Denny


10/16/2011 01:32 PM
waterlilly89
waterlilly89  
Posts: 80
Member

Thanks Denny,

I really appreciate the feedback. I haven't had any contact with him at all today. I miss him so much. I pray that he realizes the right thing to do soon..


10/16/2011 04:34 PM
Denielle
Denielle  
Posts: 53
Member

Your welcome.. Anytime... I just know what a roller coaster it is... Its so frustrating W00t .... I get so upset and I will try to leave him be then sometimes like the last 3 hrs he gets the best of me and we start fighting... Hes been acting really weird to for the last 2 weeks and makes me think hes on something else... I dont know... Blush????Ermm 1 min he loves me and he sorry, then I turn around and hes telling me off... You should go on parents of addicts, and dysfunctional familys... There are alot of great people on them. An The parents with addicts, arent all parents, and they have some good advice... They are 2 good 1s as well... K well I'm here if you need anything.... Take care...

Denny

Post edited by: Denielle, at: 10/16/2011 04:37 PM


10/16/2011 04:37 PM
waterlilly89
waterlilly89  
Posts: 80
Member

He just sent me a text saying he's got to stop by the house to pick up some work clothes. :-/

I don't wanna see him! Not if he's not going to make things better. I'm so afraid that I will break down and plead with him to see the light. But I know that won't do any good.

That's been the only contact i've had all day with him. His mom told me to tell him that I wanted him to stay home and go to NA...but I don't think he's ready to do that yet.


10/16/2011 10:20 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello Everyone, I am an addict in recovery and sober fr 3 and 1/2 yr. i want to tell yall it is great that you love them so much but take care of yourselves and children. You cannot help the addict until the addict wants help themselves first. Usually they have to hit a rock bottom. this is different for everyone. They love you but right now they love the drug also and the drug makes them need it. The drug changes them. The drug addiction is a disease and it is cunning and baffling. It will stop at nothing to get what it wants and that is to make your loved one get more of it into its body. I was hooked on crack and I went to any length to get high now I will go to any length to stay sober,and it is hard work and it is with God's grace. Love yourselves and give yourselves the life you deserve.

10/17/2011 05:51 AM
waterlilly89
waterlilly89  
Posts: 80
Member

Thank you for your insight, kball. I am trying my hardest to stay strong for my son and myself. But this is one of the hardest things to have to do. My husband never stopped by last night. I asked him how he was doing but he never replied. I prayed that he is ok.

10/17/2011 07:19 AM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Good Morning waterlilly89. I wanted to let you know about alanon. This group helps people who are spouses and family members with the drug problem,just re[place alcohol with drugs,. This is a great group and helps alot. Then AA has meetings that alanon and aa members go to together that is what I go to and I love it. They are called open meetings. I know this is hard for you,I was married to an alcoholic before ,I still love him but he wont get sober and i have to stay sober and clean of drugs. So I can't be with him,and it hurts ,and I miss him alot. Waterlilly89 you don't need to try and stay strong by yourself there are people out there that will help you and there is always us,we are for you anytime. But a live group of people that will help you work on your issues like the 12 steps is really helpful too. PM me anytime I am bipolar so I am awake at all hours,haha.

Kris

Post edited by: kball, at: 10/17/2011 07:22 AM


10/17/2011 09:15 AM
waterlilly89
waterlilly89  
Posts: 80
Member

Thanks Kris.

I lost it today at work. I had to leave. My husband send me a text about how he had canceled all my credit cards and closed the bank acct so I had no access to anything anymore. I couldn't stop crying.

He told me that he hates me and that I had no "right to steal" his pills. He said our marriage is over..he said I keep trying to push him to get clean and that he hates me. He told me that even when he does get clean he still won't want me. Is this the drugs talking? Sad I'm so heart broken.


10/17/2011 02:40 PM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4080
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Addiction to drugs changes a person, the person will lie, cheat, charm, ateal, anything to get the drug. They do and say things they never would have if they were not addicted, It is very painful being in love w/ an addict, you don't know what to expect next. Will he charm me today so that I enable him, or will he be mean and violent hoping that is how he will get what he wants.

Going to NA meeting or therapy is helpful because then you begin to understand what is really going on. Its very painful, But kris and waterlily I am here to try and support you, you can sent me a PM or just post in the group.

I was addicted to drugs, still fight it and the relapses, my husband died from drugs, I lost so many friends to drugs, so if I can I will try to help you and support you.

You are both in a very painful situation

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved