Drug Addiction Support Group

Hey everyone,I know I am new here but so far I do like what I see.I am in desperate need of help and support.I relapsed a few weeks ago with crack and I keep on relapsing at least once a week.I am trying to keep a good outlook and still believe that it is another relapse and that I am not back to full blown usage.I know I am sick with this dreaded desease and I have been for years.One thing that is making it so hard is my fiance who I am madly in love with has been out of town for almost a month,we live togather.Since she isnt here I have the perfect opportunity to go get some rocks and come home and use without worring that anyone will catch me and see me all messed up and know I used.Its gonna be Dec.20th before she heads back and I CANT keep this on again off again using going till then,or even keep it going one more day.Mine and her relationship is very complicated.She is actually still married and in the proccess of divorce from a 26 two children marraige of which I am daily insecure of her changing her mind and going back to him and having that white picket fence family that she gave up for me.I love her more than I thought possible and the thought of loosing her is unimaginable.But daily because of my insecurity I think of it,or wonder is she talking to him alot or is she planning on leaving me when she gets back here.Are the things she tells me true or is she keeping me on a string in case something else doesnt work out so she wont be alone.There are some reasons that make me think that way from lies she told me in the past and a few things she has done recently that keep me guessing as to what is true and what isnt true.I just love her so much its driving me crazy.It has driven me to use that first time.Not blaming her its all my fault the first time and everytime I pick up that pipe.When I do smoke I aint thinkin about her or any of that stuff.It rids everything out of my mind except EXTREME paranoia that is so bad the second I smoke I think "they" are coming to get me,who ever the hell "they" are,and I absolutely hate it.I dont enjoy it when I smoke cause it makes me super freakin crazy and the depression afterwards is terrible.I dont know why I keep on keepin on doing this stupid insane crap.I dont know what to do.Im even thinking of going right now to call my man and do what I do.I dont want to yet I do want to.When that thought gets into my head I obsess over it and it usually ends in a bad way with me staring out my window with a hot pipe in my hand.I am starting to hate my life.I cant keep doing this anymore.When does it end,how do I end it before it ends me.Im scared and I want my freedom of sobriety back.I seem to only be able to get a few days,a week tops before it starts calling my name,then I give in almost without a thought and once things set into motion with the idea in my head it starts a course of events that always end in me doing what I dont want to do.Help me please to get back on the right road without jumping off.

I am desperate for some help and some friends to start talking to...please someone reach out to me.Im begging to start talking to someone about my life.I want to get better but I cant do it alone,I really need some friends,please someone just chat with me......please

hi my name is kimmy i am new to this sight but new to recovery just hang in there, your life will get better there is hope for us you have to keep your willingness. i am here if you need me

i made a mistake in my reply i am new to this sight but i have been in recovery since 1997, and god willing i will have 5yrs in 1 week dont want to scare you with the god work, i just want you to know you r never alone.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me!!!! I am so glad to hear from someone who cares and is willing to just be a friend to listen to the things I am going through and help me to stay on the right path.You can also give me another persons perspective on the things.Sometimes you cant see things the way others do cause you are in the situation yourself.Thank you so much,I mean that from my heart and my soul and all of my being,THANK YOU!!!!!!! That's from someone who is in need of a friend and is trying to do the right thing.

Thank you,

Will

yes sometimes we are in our own storm and when we here from other people we no we are not alone, if we think we can do this alone we are headed for distruction and thats were are disease wants us. I am not always on the computer so continue on reaching out to me and i will always reply, just stay in the moment and know you ARE NEVER ALONE!!!!!!!!!!

Will

I am sorry you are going through this. I am here for you.

Thanks for your email.I was really suprised that I didnt get very much of a response when I came here for help that no one really reached out to me except 1 or 2 people until now.I needed someone so badly and I still do.I would love for us to talk more since we have the same problem or should I say the same drug of choice.I will give you my email address,its wcrealdeal@aol.com please email me and we maybe can help support eachother.I have been using everyday.I am trying something new today.I drove my motorcycle to work knowing I wouldnt go into the area where I get dope at cause its a bad place to be out in the open and I would stick out like a soar thumb on that loud bike and there would be no way to do anything private so it ups my risk of being caught so I know I wont go down there.If I can just make one day with out using I can start heading in a good direction.I just gotta get that one day that I dont use,then I will be ok cause it will start a cycle of good just like I start cycles of bad in my life.Pray for me and I hope I can make it.Please do email me,and that goes for anyone else as well who might be helpfull.

Will44 u can do anything you put your mind, never stop believing believe that i believe u can do it sorry have not reached out much i just dont hang out on the computor, its cool u ride a motorcycle , so keep the faith

Hey thanks that means alot.I know I can do it cause I have done it before many times,im just having a difficult time right now.I really do appreciate you reaching out to talk with me I need all the support I can get.I do love riding my bike thanks for your comments about it.It is a rush,you could say its almost like another addiction cause when I ride it always gets rid of any cravings I might be having because it is so relaxing and the feeling of freedom it gives you is beyond description.It has just been to cold recently until this week it has been in the 60's in the morning and high 60's to low 70's in the afternoon.Its one thing I love to do more than anything.