How Al-Anon or Nar-Anon works!!!

1- Our obsession - All of our thinking is directed at what the addict is doing or not doing and how to get them to stop!

2- Our Anxiety - "Watching another human being slowly kill themselves with drugs or alcohol is painful." While the addict/alcoholic seems to not care about bills, the job, the children, the condition of their health, the people around them start to worry. They make the mistake of covering up. They "FIX" everything, making excuses, telling little lies to mend damaged relationships, and they WORRY some more!!!

3- Our Anger - We realize that the addict/alcoholic isn't taking care of responsibilities, is telling lies, is using us. We begin to feel like the addict/alcoholic doesn't love us anymore and we want to strike back, punish, or want to make them pay for the frustration and hurt they have caused us.

4- Our Denial - "Those close to the addict/alcoholic begin to pretend. They accept promises, they believe. They want to pretend the problem has gone away everytime there is a sober/clean period. When every good sense tells them there is something wrong with the addict/ alcoholic's use or thinking, they still hide how they feel and what they know.

5- " Perhaps the most severe damage to those who have shared some part of life with someone that is/was addicted comes in the form of a nagging belief that they are somehow at fault; that they were not up to it all, not attractive enough, not clever enough to have solved this problem for the one they love. They think it was something they did or didn't do."

The members of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon shouldn't give advice of whether to stay or leave the addict/ alcoholic. You shouldn't make any big decisions the first year of starting meetings. UNLESS YOU ARE IN DANGER, OF ANY KIND!!! NOONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED.

Nar-Anon and Al-Anon meetings help you find yourself in the mess of an addiction. They focus on YOU...not the addict or addiction. We have choices....many choices. We can learn to live happy lives with or without the addict. We don't have to spend our lives obsessed or focused with the addiction. We can take care of ourselves and our lives. We don't have to react to the addicts actions. We can let them live their own lives and be responsible for their decisions, actions, and behaviors.

The problem doesn't solely lie in the other person, we have a part in it too. We have the right to expect more from life than mere survival. We are here because we are ready to heal. We are ready to look at ourselves and our lives with new eyes. We are ready to become aware.

This is from the book...How Al-Anon Works.... for Families and Friends of Alcoholics. It will also apply to Nar-Anon or any type of addiction and 12 step program. I will be posting more from this book. I have been on both sides of addiction and want to help as many peole as I can by sharing my experience, strength, and hope. If you have any questions or comments, please let me know. I hope that everyone is doing well.

Post edited by: mommyofsixFriend2U, at: 06/23/2008 12:09

my gf is a cocaine abuser, and we have a tough road ahead of us.

thanks a ton for that post, my boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict, and up until now i didnt really no what al-anon/ nar-anon did.

but they definitely look like something i need to really look into.

hes been clean for going on three weeks, and hes started going to NA meetings everyday. But all we can do is take it one day at a time. But each day is a blessing.

Now its really time i start reevaluating myself.

I look foward to any further information you have to offer

Sarah

My prayers are with you both. Please let me know how you are doing. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.