Drug Addiction Support Group

I am wondering if addicts have the capacity to feel love for their loved ones?

I feel so terrible in my relationship. I obviously am no where near being his number one. Meth occupies spots 1-infinity.

I have no clue where i stand with him.

Anybody have any thoughts?

When I was using all that mattered was using. I needed people to keep using. Nothing came before drinking or doing drugs. NOTHING and NO ONE. It sucks. I did have feelings, but not like I do in sobriety. In fact I used to keep from having feelings as much as possible. In the tug and war with addiction, you will never win.

It is not a healthy relationship and as long as you are with someone that is using, you will always take a backseat to their addiction.

I think you do know where you stand with him since you said that meth occupies spots one thru infinity. The good news is that once you are out of denial and see his addiction for what it is - you can start taking care of yourself.

There were plenty of people who helped keep me "sick" by taking care of me when I was active in addiction. The best thing that ever happened to me was when everyone dropped me like a bad habit and I lost it all. It was only then I was able to stop using.

i agree. it's very difficult to understand that at times. you always think things will change, things will get better. the truth is if he's still using it's gonna be the same ol crap. you can't do it for him, he has to do it himself. until then it's up to you how much you take before realizing that you deserve more. it's not easy but youre not alone.

thank you for your support, i really appreciate it.

I am from Manitoba, Canada. The re-hab centers here are few and far between. To get quality treatment you basicaly have to be an adolescent or a native. Compared to other provinces here, our wait list for free treatment is about 10 months. Out on the coasts.. you can go to a facility and they will accept you the same day. I find our lack of help appalling.

Hi Amy, sorry it took me so long to reply. I agree with what has been said. It isn't easy to get out of a relationship. I also think that you know where you stand with him. He is using drugs and you feel terrible. Noone should feel that way for long. People have difficult times but not ones that last a long time. Healthy people in relationships work through their troubles together, they show each other love and affection, they support each other, and they both do their part. It isn't one-sided. Addicted relationships are usually one-sided with one person doing all of the work to "hold on", while the other drags them down. He is dragging you down with him. You can't make him get help. He won't ever get better until he has some negative consequences for his behavior....even then it is hard to get someone to want the help.

I think that sddicts have feelings, they are just buried beneath whatever they are using. They usually do drugs or alcohol to cover up feelings they don't want to feel, like shame, guilt, or hurt. They do love but it isn't a true love. It is masked by the drug. Most don't love themselves and have a difficult time knowing what "real love" is.

You have to figure out what you want out of life. What is going to make you happy and feel good about yourself? What are you willing to put up with? What are you willing to settle for? Does he want help? If he does, he will do anything to get it.

I hope that your able to find a way to take care of yourself. You can PM me anytime.

Thanks Chris. you are such a wonderful lady. I can't even remember why I ever loved him.

I do'nt really know what I want out of life, but i know that i have been getting what i dont want. I am contemplating leaving.. Just not quite there yet.

I feel that I am such a terrible person. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. He has.. killed my spirit..taken away my hope. I want to punish him. I feel Gods frown upon me.

Hi Amy, Thank you.

I know how you feel in wanting him to hurt and feel as bad as he made you feel. It is pretty natural to hold resentments towards others. That is why AA and other groups concentrate on "letting go" of resentment. It will kill a persons inner-self if they don't and drive them back into addiction.

He isn't worth the time and energy to do that. It will only end up hurting you and then you will feel bad for doing it. You will have guilt and maybe shameful feelings. You don't need that.

You are worth so much more than that. You deserve better and will get better when you start sticking up for yourself and taking charge of your life. Life is way to short to not be happy and not doing the things that we want.

I spent many years in unhealthy relationships and am looking at the one I'm in now. It started out wonderful but has been very unloving in the past 2 years. Ever since I became sick. I sat him down and told him exactly what I was missing and wanted out of our relationship. I pointed out what had changed and how I wanted it to be different. He responded with what he wanted and told me his point of view. We made a plan to mkae it better. So far it is working. I'm not going to settle for less than what I want out of a relationship or life. I'm not saying that we don't have troubles or that I get everything I want either. We communicate with each other. It is a two way relationship.

I do hope that you will do some journaling and maybe see a counselor to help you figure out what you want and how to make a plan to get it. You deserve to be happy, loved and cared about. Don't waste your time on revenge, it will only hurt you more. Don't let him kill your spirit....TAKE IT BACK!!! I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Addicts do feel love. But the drugs are #1 usually. I know my husband would never say 'Hey, drugs are my #1, honey, and you are #2!', but I can't make him stop the drugs, either.