Domestic Violence Online Support Group

My brother just beat the shit out of me again. You would think it would be a boyfriend, and I wish it was so all I could do is get rid of him, but it is my brother. My mom always takes his side and never lets me call the cops, I am so devastated. Everything that goes wrong in his life, he beats me for. I live with my parents because I don't have a job and he thinks he can come in and beat me anytime he wants and my parents blame me. I am trying to get into government housing, I just don't know what to do. He tried to get into the guns last night. Oh God please help me....

Your brother has no right to hit you in the first place. Your mother taking up for him could be a sign that she was beat in the past by some man. It sounds as if your mother plays favorites with your brother. Your brother needs to figure out what is going on his head that makes him so mad that he could beat his own sister. I really hope you get into government housing so that you can get away from your brother and even your mother who is doing what is known as enabling when she won't let you call the cops and always blames you which in essence says that him beating you is perfectly alright to do. Even though he is your brother, you need to stand up to him and your mother also and tell them that if he does it again you will call the cops whether your mother wants you to or not. Apparently, your mother doesn't believe in what is known as "tough love". If she did, you would stop your brother from beating you and keeping so much turmoil stired up in the home. Both of them need to know that you will not tolerate him beating you again. If you don't let them know, then the abuse could get even worse and injure you for life. I was never abused by my brother, sisters, or parents. I was abused both mentally an physically by my first husband and just mentally by my 2nd husband. Because of the physical abuse from my 1st husband who also raped me and tried to kill me, I now live with 3-4 discs messed up in my neck with 1 pressing on a nerve and have arthritis in my neck so bad that it shows up on x-ray. Because he uses his car as a battering ram against mine twice and continued to push me down the road trying to force me out of the road, I now have a disc that is permanently damaged between my shoulder blades and is the disc that was messed up when he tried to kill me. In the brain, there are 12 nerves that originate in the brainstem and send messages to all parts of the body. I have 2 of those nerves damaged, the facial and trigeminal nerves, on both sides of my head. I have to take 10 pills per day to stop the pain in both sides of my head and the constant soreness on the sides of my head and to stop the muscles in my face from contracting on their own, my eyes swelling shut without warning, and actually have 1 medication that I take 3 of per day that is directed at the part of the brain that sends the signals to the nerves to my face and head to slow down the messages being sent from that part of the brain to my muscles. Although this is a physical problem, it is from the time that a man tried to kill me, raped me, and physically abused me and all because I stood up to him and he had a bad attack of the guilts for having an affair with another woman. Please take care of yourself. If it does make your mother and brother mad, then so be it. You have your feelings too and they have had no respect whatsoever for them. I have often said that if an abuser could trade bodies with the abused when he is abusing them and feel not only their physical pain, but also their emotional pain while he/she is abusing them, they would never do it again. Just remember you're not alone in this. Please feel free to PM me anytime you like. I'm here for you to talk to. Midget53

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have often wanted so bad to call the police but I will be out in the street and I have chronic medical problems. My brother has left the town I live in Thank you Jesus so I think I can make it until I get my apartment. I so appreciate you words because I have hid this for many years. My older brother beat me when I was a teenager and my younger brother beats me now. i just don't understand it. I think my mother truly hates me as she favors the boys and I think she brainwashes them. what do you think? My dad is passive in all of this.

ridey777,Please call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.They can refer you to your local domestic violence program.Contact them and find out about their domestic violence shelter.Go there.You DO qualify as a victim of domestic abuse.They will assist you with getting government housing etc.Do not tell your family you are leaving.Pick a time when you know no one will be watching and get your things together.Make sure take a copy of your birth certificate,social security card if you have one etc.Also make sure you take clothes,medications you need.

No one deserves to be abused.EVER.Being genetically related to someone does not make them family.Family are the people who love you and treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve.

HUGS.Lanna

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 11/30/2010 12:07 PM

ridey777: No mother should play favorites with her children and that includes yours. I can guarantee you that if you beat 1 of your brothers that your mother would tell them in a heart beat to call the police and have you arrested. Lanna is right. Call the hotline number that she gave you. Even though it is your brothers who have been beating you, it is not right. My 2nd husband was only verbally abusive, but I knew that if I wanted away from him that I would have to do some things behind his back. These days, domestic violence is not just physical abuse; it is mental abuse. If you constantly put someone down, tell them they're stupid, call them a pig, tell them they're so ugly no other man would ever want to be with them so they have to take what the abuser is dishing out in order to have a man in their life, etc., this is domestic violence. I found this out when I talked to the magistrate on the phone and told them I wanted to know how to go about getting away from my husband because of his alcoholism and because of him selling drugs out of the house and making drug deals on a phone that was in my name, and also making drug deals in front of the house on the street which was also putting me in jeopardy of going to jail they referred me to an organization called SAFE. This organization not only goes to the house with you if you leave anything behind but they also will go with you and protect you from your abuser and help you get out of the house away from them. As it turned out, I had to talk to the county police because I live in the county and not the town. Two days later I had went and changed all of the utilities into my name, had the telphone number changed, and went and signed the papers to get him put out of the house since he was not able to pay for it and I was. Two days later they hadn't put him out of the house and when I called them they told me it could be awhile before they would be able to do it. I very plainly told them that he had already found out about the telephone number being changed and that if they didn't get him out of the house as quick as possible, they would be coming to the house to investigate my murder or attempted murder because he was screaming and yelling at me and was putting me in jeopardy of going to prison with him. He was out of the house within 24 hrs. I had a neighbor who said she would call me when he was out. She called me before I left work that day and told me that he was out of the house. She told me that he tried to argue with the police officer and said he was not leaving. The police officer told him that if he didn't leave the house as ordered, then he would just take him to jail. They gave him 5 minutes to get his stuff together and followed him every place he went. When he put his stuff in the car, and was going back to close the door of the house the police officer had to stop him and told him he couldn't go back into the house. So there is hope in any situation. Too, in this situation, I found out that he was also abusing my pets which is a HUGE NO NO with me. The next morning when I got up and my oldest cat came through the house she looked into the bedroom he slept in and as soon as she saw he was not there mad a dive for the couch where I was sitting and sat down beside of me purring. That night, all of use could relax and not have to walk on eggshells around him. Please do as Lanna said and make arranagements to get out of the house. Domestic violence can lead to murder. Midget53

My brother beat me. Until he couldnt get TO me anymore.

It was my childhood.

At our fathers funeral, he threatened me. I thought, has he NOT grown out of this ? Truth is, they never do.

I dont know WHY Mother did not stop him. Defended him, justified it. I have no idea.

She would tell him to call the cops on YOU.

She may already ....and he would. In a heartbeat.

BELIEVE THAT.

My Brother would throw me under a bus to save his own a**.

Call the hotline, as posted in this thread above this post.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I have since gotten my own apartment and he is not allowed even near my house. If he comes near he will be put in jail. I just thought I would update. I have gotten out of that toxic abusive house. Thank you all for your support.

ridey,We are so happy to hear your good news.Way to go!!We care about you.

HUGS.Lanna

Awesome !

Tell us, what do you LOVE about your life in recovery ?

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 03/01/2011 02:58 AM

Im so happy for you. I wish you a blessed life without your brother to bother you.

hugs mary