Domestic Violence Online Support Group

(hes always telling me that he is a perfectly safe driver no matter how often he speeds and plays with his phone. He is constantly swirving into the next lane, and never uses his blinkers. Whenever I point out that hes being unsafe he tells me I'm wrong and I am seeing things. Or will tell me "its *so and so*" as if their text to him matters more than my life or my family's life. but when I text ANYONE ANY TIME I am not caring about him)... anyway back to what I was saying...

When the lady cut us off he informed me that usually he would follow the person who cut him off in traffic then beat them to a pulp. and he looks me dead in the eye (or should I say directly into my soul) and calmly says "see these scars? (on his hand) I got those from the teeth of people whos faces I broke for doing me wrong."

I told him I didn't see the point in beating people up for cutting him off in traffic, and he accused me of wanting to cut his friend up for buying him a shirt. The conversation led some how to me slipping a bit and saying the truth "I am with you because you make me." He didn't like this very much and started doing 90 on the freeway, texting, during a f***ing wind storm!

So I am quiet (praying we dont die) and obviously angry with him. He's quiet for about 20 minutes. Then says to me "whats wrong with you?" I told him "you know whats wrong" he acted dumb so I said "you dont care at all about my safety. You dont care about me." he said NOTHING!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!

for ten minutes!

Then says "whats wrong with you?" I said to him "I already told you." and his response was "You cannot say I do not care about your safety." I said "well thats too damn bad because I just did! because it's true!" he responded with that condecending over exagerated laugh and said I was out of my mind! and said "can you just stop fighting? why do you always have to fight? you LOVE TO FIGHT! Everything would be perfect if you would just stop fighting" (He says this multiple times EVERY DAY!).

Fast forward. We later are sitting in the car at walmart waiting for my kids dad to pick me up because we had arranged it so. And my abuser is trying to shove his hands up my shorts and is acting dumb founded that I push him away and am STILL mad. He begs for a kiss and because I wouldnt he went on and on about how I dont love him....

I just tuned him out. I am used to his tactics. His attempts to change the subject or to get me to think I am crazy or whatever- My eyes have been opened from the book "Why Does He Do That?"

UHG!!!!

I just had to vent... thanks for listening.

I'm glad you're reading that book, it is a good read for victims of abuse. As you read the book and even read other forum experiences, it becomes so real why he does what he does every day. Other personal experiences in our own life may lead you to that on your own. Unfortunately, it usually takes some kind of therapy or re-education for the abuser to come to their senses, it at all.

I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. You seem to be a fighter, stay strong. Remember, he doesn't care for your safety by driving 90 mph when he is upset. This a common occurence when someone is upset. In male batterer programs I have taught, I will teach the men Not to take a time out to cool down by getting in their cars for a short drive because most people will put the pedal to the metal when they are pissed off! That is life threatening and proof that he is not thinking clearly or about BOTH of your safety.

I would like to point out the times that he blamed you for things seemed irrelevant. He seems to feel like he has great control over but be doesn't understand why you are the problem. He's pointing his finger at you and three are pointing right back at him! I find that you are moving in the right direction, especially since you've picked up the book and you're calling your abuser.

Lanna

My abuser use to do the same thing when he got mad if he was driving he would drive all crazy speeding. Lanna is so right to keep everything documented and keeping a journal will definatly help later if you need it. I know for years after I got away I would read my journal of all he did when I felt like going back and this would remind me why I left.