Domestic Violence Online Support Group

ever since i was born my mum has been in abusive relationships, i never knew how she used to feel, all i know was she used to cry over little things and her and my da dused to argue 24/7. I hated the loud fights and it got so worse we got my dad put in prision. Im 14 and my names taz. I havent seen my dad since i was 10 and i never want to see him again, i wish i could of helped my mum more but i didnt know what was happening.I never would of imagined me being in an abusive relationship but i have been, i know how my mum felt now, its horrible and i wish it never happened. I had been with my boyfriend for 5 months until i managed to leave him, it starte dof him just play fighting but punching me really hard, and making sure he knew everything i was doing and wher ei was going and who i was with. Then once he punched me so hard on the leg i couldnt actually walk and called me a slut over and over again. Once he even got a butcher knife and chased me round the house until i locked myself in the bathroom. My friends used to notice the bruises but i said it was my brother, he made me so scared of him, i was scared to say no to sex, he blackmailed me, he told me if i didnt do whazt he wanted me to he'd leave me and stuff. I wish i was there for my mum, and now i wish i had the support my mum needed, i havent told anyone what really happened, i feel ashamed, i feel like it was my fault and that i let him but i didnt try to stop, i feel weak and now ive lost my whole confidence. I fell pregnant twice with him and i htought he loved me. Any ideas how i can tell my mum?

Taz,I'm very sorry all of that happened to you and your Mum.It was not fault in any way.No one deserves to be abused.Ever.You were an innocent child when your Mother was being abused.It was not your job or your responsibility to protect your Mother.I am glad you found the strength to leave your own abusive relationship.Good for you!Please have a safety plan in place for yourself.That is important even after you leave.I will post one for you.

As far as talking to your Mother about what happened I would suggest you just sit down with her and tell her what happened and how you feel.You could also call your local domestic violence program and find a counselor to sit down with you and your Mother to help get the conversation rolling.That way you would have some support.That may also provide you with some good resources to help you with the healing process.You can call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.Don't be afraid to ask for help and support.Take a chance and reach out.

HUGS.Lanna

Taz, I am so sorry for what you had to go through in your short life. Please take Lanna's advice and contact the DV hotline and also take every safety precaution that you can. I think you should be so proud of yourself for having the courage to acknowledge your abusive boyfriend and for getting out. Please make a quiet time to sit down with you Mum and discuss all of this. She is your mom and she loves you. As much as she can, she will help you and support you. Just be honest with her and with yourself. Honesty will help you both to heal and to form a very close relationship with each other and with your beautiful baby. I will be praying for you, and sending out positive energy for you. I am so happy you found us here. Love, peace and courage, Abbey

Post edited by: abbeyp, at: 02/10/2011 11:54 AM

Post edited by: abbeyp, at: 02/10/2011 11:55 AM

Taz: Nothing you or your Mom did could justify what you both have gone through. Domestic Violence is a form of control. Once the abuser feels as if they are losing control of the situation and the person they are in the situation with, they resort to physical and mental abuse to regain control. These abusers are insecure and this is the only they can feel secure in a relationiship. I've been both mentally and physically abused and left both of the ex-husbands over it and never looked back. You did nothing wrong, and he had no right to treat you the way he did. Midget53

Taz

good for you ! I wish more young women would get out sooner than some do.

We understand what you have been through.

You dont ever have to do this again.

We are here for you.

Welcome to the group.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Stay Strong. What you have done, (leaving) is change the generations to come in a good way.

Taz, I to have been in a abusive situation and I agree with everyone you should be so proud of yourself for leaving. Please know there is nothing you or your mom could ever do to deserve this abuse a person who abuses another is a week individual and finds pleasure in hurting others they like the fact that they are in control. You deserve so much better then that and so does your mom. Please set your mom down and just tell her how you feel and how much you are hurting im sure she will be there for you. Keep us posted on how you are both doing.

hugs mary