I think it is important that we make a distinction between what love is and what abuse is.
THIS IS LOVE:
Love respects you.
Love does not try to control you.
Love does not harass you.It respects your choices.
Love does not hurt you.
Love is not a constant struggle.
Love does not try to change you.
Love does not attempt to manipulate you.
Love does not try to hold you down to build itself up.
Love does not make you wonder "Am I crazy?"
Love makes you feel good about yourself.
Love encourages you to interact with friends and family.
Love is always there for you.You can count on it.
BY CONTRAST ABUSE:
Abuse disrespects you.
Abuse tries to control you.
Abuse pesters and harasses you.Does not respect your choices.
Abuse makes you feel hurt and confused.
Abuse is a constant struggle.(Why is he acting this way?Why can't he just treat me better?Is something wrong with me?Why can't I stop loving him even though he hurts me?)
Abuse tries to change you and blame you.
Abuse manipulates you to get what it wants.
Abuse tears you down.Puts you down.
Abuse makes you think your crazy.
Abuse makes you wonder "What is wrong with me?"Destroys your self-esteem.
Abuse isolates you.Is jealous of your contact with anyone other than him.
Abuse disappears when things get tough.Puts it's needs ahead of yours.
How many of these things apply to your relationship or former relationship?Is what you are feeling for him REALLY love or something else like addiction?Just because you FEEL something does NOT mean you have to ACT on it.Sometimes we have to let feelings PASS.They need to pass because they are leading us down the same old destructive path.
The definition of "crazy" is doing the SAME thing OVER and OVER even though it has not worked in the past.Doing the SAME thing and expecting a different result.Abusers do not not change.They see ANY contact with them as encouragement.It is important to maintain no contact.It is important to make the distinction between love and abuse.
LOVE AND ABUSE ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
Lanna
