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01/20/2011 07:11 PM

WHAT DO YOU THINK

maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
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I have been involved with domestic violence for over 30 yrs all together and I know I stayed alot due to low self esteem and the second part is i had no place to go. I was wondering how many people out there thats been abused are like me who had no family to turn to? I know I would of loved to of been able to have family who were supportive and had my back just wondering if im the only one that feels like that? Now im not saying we stay in abuse due to lack of family because i know there are alot who have loving family who would do anything they can to get their children out of the situation but its our choice to stay for alot of us. I just wonder about the ones who didnt have the loving support of their family?

Just thinking

mary

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01/20/2011 08:50 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13305
Group Leader

.........raises hand.

we do recover.


01/21/2011 12:03 AM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
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livinginablender we sure do recover and become stronger for it.

01/21/2011 10:47 AM
mem7205

maryandjimmie,For me personally family support was a mixed bag.My Mother refused to come and get my son and I when my abuser attempted to murder me.This was very painful for me to accept.She did not want to be bothered.My brother and sister-in-law were the ones who came to get us.That was how we left for good.Without that support I am not sure I would have had the strength to leave.

Leaving an abuser is very difficult.You will never hear me say that it is an easy decision.Abusers make it near impossible.Most people need help and support to leave.It is okay to ask for help and keep on asking until someone listens.It IS possible to leave on your own but it is much easier when you have a support system.For those people who do not have family to help them it is important to know that help IS out there.You just have to seek it out.

Lanna

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 01/21/2011 10:48 AM


01/21/2011 11:04 AM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
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Lanna, you are so right it is hard to leave without support but it can be done it just alot harder. I had no one to help when I left my abuser and it was the hardest thing in the world to do. I had no one to turn to and no where to go and two young babies to worry about not just myself but that is what gave me the strength to leave is looking at my childrens eyes and wondering if i stay will i be able to watch them grow up? I couldnt take chances with not being there for my children like my bio parents werent there for me. They were my kids and deserved the best out of life. Abbey, I quit high school 3 weeks before i graduated due to having my daughter early who passed and then when I had my children I went back to high school got my diploma and went straight to medical school while being abused. I use to be the girl who had it all I sang in a band all over and went every where I enjoyed my life to the fullest and ended up with a abuser. He wasnt abusive at first and then when you feel like your in love and he is the one thats when it started for me. He actually made me believe his lies and beat my self esteem so low I quit doing what i love which is singing and going out to visit friends. He isolated me from everyone and made it seem like it was them who was no good to me. What is sad is it dont matter what part of life you come from and what you do if a abuser starts they dont quit until you are to scared, week or alone to leave.

01/21/2011 11:44 AM
mem7205

maryandjimmie,I'm very sorry that you did not have family support.I am glad you found the strength and courage within yourself to protect yourself and your children.I hope it helps to know that there are people who care about you and are here to support you now.

HUGS.Lanna


01/21/2011 04:50 PM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
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Awwwwww thank you so much Lanna you dont know how good that is to hear. I miss having people to care about me and be supportive of me. It gets really lonly not to have family by your side and my mom Adopted passed away and so she cant even be here to help me plan my wedding on feb 8th so its sad to have to do it alone. You trully made my day.

hugs mary


01/25/2011 01:29 AM
shelley67
shelley67  
Posts: 1017
Member

I don't have family or friends, nobody to help me either. The last time I left my husband with then four children, one was a baby, my mother threw me out in the middle of the night because she found out that I had called my husband to see if he was back home and that he was okay after being in jail for two weeks. The police did that so that I could pack up and leave the province. Well my mother took this as a betrayal of her help and kicked us all out. I had no where to go and no money, and in a strange province with no one!! Needless to say I returned to my husband/abuser and I'm still stuck in this abusive marriage. I really wish Abbey was my mother!!! But it is a decision that the woman has to make on her own, she has to realize she's in an unheathy situation, even a loving mom like Abbey here can't make her see the light, if she doesn't want to see the light. My mother didn't know about stockholm syndrome, neither did I until very recently. But if Abbey's daughter reads about that and about abuse maybe she will see the light, but even then we battered women have to want to get out and nobody can make us, until we are ready. My mother and I still don't speak and it's been now five years. I can't forgive her, and she thinks I'm nuts.

01/25/2011 12:25 PM
shelley67
shelley67  
Posts: 1017
Member

Thanks for sharing all that Abbey, and I know it's so confusing for the woman that stays and especially for all those watching her stay. I still have to read some books that were suggested to me here to fully understand it all myself. But I think once I do I will have my answers and be able to figure him out and figure myself out. I'm already understanding this stockholm syndrome so that's a start. I wish your daughter would read about that too. I understand how hard it is for you, you can't say too much and you want to be in your daughter's life which is really good, unconditional love is what moms are for.

01/25/2011 02:20 PM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
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I'm an Advocate

Abbey, You are doing the best thing right now and thats just to talk to her about the kids and her and not even bring up her marriage and husband that way the lines of communication will stay open. I wish there was a easy answer why we stay but unfortunately there isnt. I tried so hard to leave but since my bio mom kept telling him where i was it was hard to leave because i knew the beating would be worse. I think the other part is we trully believe that line of garbage they feed us and the lies of they are gonna change and it will never happen again. Until we are ready to leave no amount of talking or love from anyone else will help us we have to want it for ourself. Now that im out of the situation I pray for those that are still in it because i know there are so many women who are being beat every second of the day. Now I try to help others who are going through it and let them know there is life after abuse. I am always there for anyone who needs the help.

hugs mary

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