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10/18/2010 02:10 PM

The excuses abusers use to blame you.

mem7205

Abusers are very good at blaming you for their bad behavior.They are experts at finding excuses to dodge responsibility.The reality is that there is NO EXCUSE for abusing another person.There is no GOOD reason.We are ALL responsible for the things we say and do in life.There are ALWAYS other choices he could have made other than to be abusive.Every single time he abuses you he made a CHOICE to do so.The following are some of statements abusers make.

"You pushed my buttons.If you had just left me alone I wouldn't have hurt you."

There is no excuse for abuse.He could have made another choice other than to hurt you.

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"I'm really stressed out right now.You should understand.I hurt you because I was under stress."

No.We ALL have stress in life.We do not ALL make the choice to abuse another person in response to that.Stress in NOT an excuse for abuse.

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"You pushed me to hurt you.I told you to leave me alone when I get like that and you wouldn't listen."

No.No one pushed him to do ANYTHING.He made a conscious CHOICE to abuse you.

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"If you had just done what I told you to do I wouldn't have hurt you."

Slavery ended after the Civil war.You are not obligated to do as you are told.You are a person who deserves to make your own decisions,have your own feelings and do as you choose.

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"If you just had not dressed so provocatively I would not have gotten jealous and hurt you."

You are a person.You are entitled to dress in whatever you choose.If your partner is irrationally jealous that is their problem NOT yours.You deserve to be trusted.

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"I was drunk(high)when I hurt you.You know that's not who I really am.It wasn't my fault."

WRONG.Drunk or high or not you are responsible for the things you do.Alcohol and substance abuse are separate issues from domestic violence.It IS who he is.He was the one that hurt you.If he is not responsible than who is?

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"I had a bad childhood.You should feel sorry for me and not blame me when I hurt you."

WRONG.Many people had bad or abusive childhoods and NEVER make the choice to abuse another person.It is NOT an excuse for abuse.

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"I have a mental illness.I'm not responsible for the things I say and do."

WRONG.If someone has a mental illness they ARE responsible to do whatever it takes to treat that.To take their medications.Not abuse substances.Stay in therapy for as long as it takes.Many people have mental illnesses and never choose to abuse another person.They are SEPARATE issue.Mental illness may exacerbate abuse but it does not cause or excuse it.

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"I don't hit you with a fist so it's not really abuse."

WRONG.Emotional abuse hurts every bit as much as physical abuse and can have the same devastating effects on your life.Emotional,verbal,financial and sexual abuse ARE abuse and they are NOT okay.

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"I'm just trying to take care of you by telling you what to do.I control you because I care about you."

"WRONG.Someone who cares about you does not try to control you.That is not caring behavior.Someone who cares treats you with trust,dignity and respect.Love equals respect.

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Do not allow an abusers to lay the blame for their choices onto you.You are not responsible for their abuse.You are not to blame.It is not your fault.

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10/19/2010 05:41 AM
Midget53
 
Posts: 749
Member
I'm an Advocate

Lanna: So true. Other excuses include, you didn't give me money to buy my liquor or beer so I went out and did something I shouldn't have to get the money to buy it. You're so ugly another man wouldn't find you attractive enough to date. I didn't work today but I just sat here and got drunk; so even though you worked today, get in there and fix my supper. I had to go to bed hungry last night because you wouldn't fix my supper even though you had worked all day and all I did was sit around and get drunk. How many more, can you think of. Midget53

10/20/2010 05:26 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13484
Group Leader

" I drove my truck into the house because YOU unplugged the extension cord."

R U F-ING KIDDING ME. DELUSIONAL THINKING at its finest.


10/20/2010 05:29 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13484
Group Leader

" IF YOU would have just been quiet and left me alone."

" IF YOU had not told me what to do.":

" IF YOU had let me....blablablanbla"

AND: AMEN to this:

"I have a mental illness.I'm not responsible for the things I say and do."

WRONG.If someone has a mental illness they ARE responsible to do whatever it takes to treat that.To take their medications.Not abuse substances.Stay in therapy for as long as it takes.Many people have mental illnesses and never choose to abuse another person.They are SEPARATE issue.Mental illness may exacerbate abuse but it does not cause or excuse it

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