Depression in the family Support Group

I just wanted to make a post saying hi, and I guess to introduce myself. I started out on another forum, but someone there pointed me in this direction, so I will give it a try. So, here is my situation-my boyfriend, who also happens to be my best friend, has depression. It is something he is just deciding he wants to be open about, and it has taken him a while to accept and try to deal with everything. I guess I thought taking part in these discussions might help me to learn more. I want nothing more than to help him, and even though we have been together for 2 years sometimes I still have such a hard time understanding him. But I try my best to be supportive, so I suppose I am just hoping that talking to you lovely people will help me to understand and work through this with him.

So, hello!

Hi and welcome! I've been out of pocket for a few days and this board can be a little slow, but I hope you will keep posting and reading. There is another gal that is in a very similar situation to yours, so read back thru this board and you might get some ideas. Dealing with one who is depressed is very difficult, especially when they pull away. I would suggest you read up on depression to understand it more. Read around the message boards here too as it gives insight on how people feel who go thru it.

And talk to him - ask him if there's anything he would like you to do when he does go thru the dark times of depression. Don't wait until he's going thru it to ask tho, because from my experience, all you'll get is "you can't do anything". And that might be it to, there may be nothing you can do, but you can try. I found if you somehow can get them out of the house and go anywhere it helps. Walk around the mall, go out to eat, see a movie (comedy would be best and maybe a good action flick). I've done this with my youngest and have coaxed her out with the promise that we'll just go do this or that, won't be long...and by the time we get home, she's doing just a little better.

Is he on meds? Maybe you could go with him to his psychiatrist appt? If he lets you do this, you can ask the doctor questions too.

I hope this helps a little. Let us know how things go with you two

Thank you, I appreciate you responding!

As far as medication goes, he has a sort of tough relationship. Depression runs in his family, and his grandfather killed himself shortly after going on medication. Although his father also has depression, his dad has not be officially diagnosed with it and has no interest in getting any form of help. No one ever talks about depression in his family, it's like it doesn't even exist. He was very hesitant to do anything to help himself because of what happened to his grandfather, and he was afraid of his family's reaction. He has been coping with it by himself for so long he was convinced he was doing fine, and didn't want to risk making it worse (his coping mechanism is to sleep, he would sometimes just sleep almost all day). He eventually saw a counselor, and she suggested he try medication, so he finally decided to give it a go. When he told his mother he decided to get some help, she got upset and asked why he would even need something like that. Although she has come to terms with it now, he just doesn't seem to get any support from his family. We are both pretty young (I'm 20, he is 19), and that sort of thing naturally makes a difference to him.

He was prescribed Celexa, and it did help him for a few months. Recently though, he has started feeling worse and decided to stop taking it on his own. I suggested he talk to a doctor before just stopping, but he doesn't want to talk to anyone around here (we are both in school, and live relatively far away from home where his primary care is). Winter is always really hard on him, so I'm not sure if it is the medication or the weather which is making matters worse. I will admit, he has been better lately since being off of the medication, but I don't know if he should just stop like that. Obviously I can't make him talk to anyone if he doesn't want to, and I honestly don't want him taking his medication if it makes him feels worse.

I appreciate your advice on asking if there is any way I can help him BEFORE he feels bad. I do always ask him when it's too late, and his answer is always nothing. I will definitely try asking him when he is ok, I am just always hesitant to say anything to remind him of it since it's so nice when he is feeling up.

I will try to stay active here on the boards, and do my best to keep things moving. Thank you so much for your support!

Post edited by: marblelily, at: 02/12/2012 03:23 PM

My oldest did the same, just quit meds on her own...wasn't a good idea as she ended up dropping out of college and got nowhere. I finally convinced her to go back to the psychiatrist and tell her the other meds weren't helping. She did, got on a different med and is finally doing quite good on it a year later.

My youngest seems to get used to meds after a while and they don't work as much for her. We're in the process of weaning her off one, then probably the other and starting over.

Winter is tough on depression due to the lack of sunlight. You might suggest a special lamp, called SAD lamp which can help seasonal depression. My oldest used one for a while and said it did help her (she just wasn't good about being faithful in using it, else last winter may have turned out a little better too). Just do some searching on the web for a decent one. I got a little one from Target for my oldest, on-line.

As for talking about it when he's on an up day, I do know its hard...but you can make the conversation short and sweet and then just move on.