New Here! Depressed and Hurting Inside!

I delayed joining the depression group because I thought I could handle it alone..... I'm good at that....thinking! lol I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. It isn't always this bad and I have "snapped out" of it before. Not sure how, but it just got better. Now I have been like this for almost 3 years and it isn't getting even a little bit better. I have dug a deep dark hole to crawl into and don't know how to get out of it! I don't take care of myself like I should, rarely get dressed during the day and stay in my bedroom if my BF is home! We fight alot! I have completely lost myself and can't seem to find her. I cry constantly and just feel horrible all the time.

I have been very sick for 3 years and have had many surgeries (over 10). I have gained 35 pounds, haven't had a hair cut since then, and just don't take care of my apperance at all. My enjoyment in life is my children and coming here to talk to and help others. WHY CAN"T I HELP MYSELF? I just don't know what to do anymore. These illnesses have taken everything from me.

I can't drive, barely get out of bed and can't take care of my kids like I want to. Oh, or take care my bf the way he would like me to! It is just to painful! There are treatments I could get at the Mayo clinic but can't get there and don't have anyone to watch my children (can't afford daycare). My bf won't take time off of baseball or work to help, so I'm screwed!!!! I just don't know what is happening to me anymore! I used to be happy! Now it has been along time since I've felt real joy!

I could go on for hours telling you all my problems and why I'm so depressed, but I won't. This post is long enough for now.

Thanks for being here and I appreciate all of you for taking time out to help others! It is wondeful to see so many caring people in this world! Take care, Your friend, Chris

I should make an appointment to see a therapist. I live in a small town and there is nothing around. I have to find rides to the doctor. I do need something to help me feel better! I just take so many other medications that I'm worried about taking too many! I'm on some pretty strong narcotics for my chronic pain!

I feel stupid because I'm usually the "STRONG ONE". I'm the one that holds the family together and helps everyone else with their issues! Now I'm falling apart! I can't seem to get out of this "MOOD SWING" I'm in! I have no support at home and feel so alone all the time. I feel like I'm sucking the life out of my bf and family! I don't want to drag them down with me!

My children are 2-girl, 3-boy, 8-boy, 16- boy, 18- girl, and 19- boy!!! I have a 20 year old step daughter and she has a 1 year old little girl. They are my joy in life!

Thank you for being understanding. I appreciate the kind words! Your friend,Chris

I think a lot of my depression is from my chronic pain and the fact I cannot work anymore at the career I loved. I do go with my dh to his work a few times a week to help him. He runs a storage facility and he is the only employee so he has the back room set up for me to lay down if I have to.

Anyway, it feels good to get out but I cannot stay out long, I get so very tired and my pain increases which I think increases my depression.

I think you should try to find a good doctor and go get something to help you. Have your oldest child watch those kids and get a friend to take you to the doctor!! I am worried about you!! A counselor might really help you too. Hang in there, my friend. Come here anytime to talk or vent. If you want to PM me, pls do anytime!

Debbi

It seems as if everything that could go wrong lately....HAS!!! My health is terrible and now my daughter is sick and no one can figure out why. They are sending her to Gillettes Childrens hospital in St.Paul. her appt. isn't until Friday. In the meantime, I have to sit and watch her be in pain and not be able to walk much. She cries and whimpers alot. I know she is hurting but can't do anything to help her. It breaks my heart. They think she has fibro or lupus like I have. I can't imagine her going through that for the rest of her life....She's only 2!!! I'm 40 and thought it was tough for me. Now I think differently.

Ive allowed myself to get run down physically and mentally. Not that I wanted to be like this...It just happened! After many years of being sick....thinking that things would get better and then something else happened. It is never ending. I get upset when I see people that have never had a problem in their lives. It just isn't fair that some of us have so many problems all the time.

I'm so grateful to all of you and appreciate that you take time out of your lives to be here and help others. I don't know how to thank you enough.

I have decided to get help from a therapist and get myself up and feeling better... no matter what. I'm going to start on the outside, with my apprerance, and work my way inside with therapy. I hope that I will be able to have a few days that I'm not so down on myself. Take it one day at a time!

Happy Mother's Day!!! Your Friend,Chris

I will let you all know how my daughter is. My children ARE MY LIFE!!! They think she may have fibro or lupus like I do. I can't imagine going through that at her age. She is just a baby!! I hope that I didn't pass it on to her!!

Mamanordy, We can do this if we give it our best!! We can get our lives back the best we can. They won't be the same because of our illnesses, but they can be happy, peaceful, meaningful lives! I do believe that people that have strong faith, have more peaceful livesthan those that don't have much faith. I have struggled with faith since I was young! I'm getting better though!

Take care and I will keep in touch with all of you! your kindness is greatly appreciated! Your friend,Chris