Depression Support Group

How is everyone today? My name's Jessica, and I live in Ireland. I guess I've been suffering from depression since my mid-teens. I say 'I guess' because the two doctors I attended until now never actually explained to me what I was being treated for.

I've been on lexapro, anxicalm, gerisac...valium, zyprexa and effexor and now lamictal as well. My symptoms range from an unshakeable 'fuzzy', apathetic feeling, to different kinds of hallucinations, to self harm, alcoholism, an extreme dependance on other people, um...

God I'm sorry. I'm just so weary of everything. I'm so tired of trying to cope with everything all of the time, of not going out to socialise in case I feel nervous or really sad. I just feel like I'm a complete mess, and that maybe there's nothing wrong with me at all, that I'm just spoilt or something.

I don't really know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I connect with people on any meaningful level for any length of time. I want someone to take care of me, and I want to really get better.

Sorry if I'm being whiney or garbled today. I just feel really awful and need to talk to someone, anyone.

You have came to the right place to talk and us to listen..My name is Viv and it is nice to meet you Jessica..Sounds like you have been through quite alot and no diagnosis as to what they really treat you for..Hmmm well to me that is bad I always want a name to what I have..

I have chronic manic depression..I will either be so low I feel like I cannot climb my way back out or I will be so high that I feel like I can go and go which leaves me at the bottom again..It is hard then because I dont sleep or rest mind goes a hundred miles an hour...GEEZE speed demon it is...

I know this is hard but you can get through it sometimes it is getting with the right doctor who understands and will work with you and your meds to get you to where you need to be...

I hope you can feel connected with us..That is what we are here for..Feel free to talk and write and we are here to listen..

Take care hun and Bless you dear and I am here to talk too...

Welcome and you just missed St. Patrick's Day; what a shame

The drugs you have taken say a lot about what you are dealing with, and we have some of the same challenges. We may have a combination of a mood disorder (like bipolar disorder) and/or a thought disorder (schizoaffective or related to it).

You are on quite a few medications, some the latest and greatest if you listen to the sales people. My guess is that your medications are going to be adjusted in a direction that will allow you to feel more like you want to and not like you are heavily medicated and have to hide socially.

Connect with people here. I think you'll find you speak the same language in many ways about the medications, how you feel, what life is like on specific meds and more. I don't hear you as sounding like you are whining or at all garbled. You sound concerned and like you feel you have more than your share on your plate.

If you can possibly do it, see if you can work on the alcoholism. It does not work well with so many medications we are taking. When I quit alcohol, things began to slowly get better. That's the right direction to go, if you just have the patience.

Happy Trails,

Post edited by: scooby, at: 03/20/2009 15:50

Thank you very much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. It was frustrating to not have a diagnosis, and I'm with my 3rd doctor now and she seems to be the first person to ever have really listened to me. Or else I felt she was the first person I was comfortable enough with to be entirely honest with.

I know how difficult life can be with acute manic depression. I have a very dear friend who has that, and times were very hard for both of us for a while (as I tried my best to 'save' her and make her well again...which of course didn't happen).

I think I am starting to feel connected here with people. I'm very glad I made my way here, and finally had the courage to even join a site like this one.

You're all great!

Know we are glad to have you here and I am pleased to meet you and am glad you feel like you are comfortable here..

Yes it is hard to not have a doctor who understands you I have been there many times before..and it was a long hard road..

Too awhile to get my right diagnosis of manic depressive but now I do and at least can manage it most of the times..I have my days or I should say nights 2 nights ago was really bad on me..I was roaming around aimlessly and thankfully some came and talked to me until I could get myself grounded again..No you cant fix anyone but it sure helps to have friends who care and understand your problems and illnesses...and with me it isnt just emotional it is also physical which takes its toll on me..

Have a good night and glad you are here with us all hun..I think you will like alot of our members here..

I hate hate hate night time.

How are you? I think getting the right diagnosis is actually way harder than it should be. It doesn't really make sense?

I'm glad that that person came and talked to you, and I got a surge of worry when I read that you were just roaming aimlessly around!

I hope that the physical ramifications of your illness aren't too unbearable. I'll be thinking of you