Depression Support Group

my name is Jay and I am a 35 year old woman who has suffered from various episodes of mental illness most of my adult life (with a few years here and there of being well). I had anorexia at 17 and my family refused me any psychological help (abusive childhood and very dysfunctional relationships with family). At 19 I started getting panic attacks and they gradually led to agoraphobia which lasted on/off for years in my 20's. I am now finding I have slipped into a very dark place with depression. I am almost entirely isolated during the day (I am not working and can barely leave the house). I wander around the house crying constantly. I can't eat much and am not taking care of myself. I keep trying so desperately to snap out of it to grow up (like my mother says) but I just can't do what they seem to think is so easy to do. I don't want to be like this. I hate it. I have been off zoloft now for 6 months and my doctor has prescribed effexor but I am too scared to take it (heard a lot of bad stories). I know I probably should take it and I know the social isolation is doing harm but I just don't know what to do. I can't ever see being able to think clearly again and with my entire adult life being consumed with mental illness I can't ever see a life without it Thanks for listening

Your mother is not trying to hurt you. It is all but impossible for anyone who's never suffered from the damned disease who understands it. People think we're lazy, want to get out of work, can just decide we'll be ok, and other ideas which make sense to those who say them, but are obviously not something we can do. I've often asked people making these stupid comments, if depression was a choice, who would choose it? It is a disease. I also say if I had diabetes, would they say I shouldn't take my insulin? I follow that w/ the fact that this is no different. It's a disease, not a choice, and it's all but impossible to 'snap out of it'.

You don't have to answer anything on the boards you don't want to - and you do not own any explanation, but if you don't mind saying, what are your living arrangements? Are you living w/ your mom? And what do you live on?

Think about what all of us have said, and please keep us up to date on how you're doing. We care.

Peace,

Sylvia

I am homebound because I can't get down the steps, sold my car since a doctor forced a med on me that he knew would make my too many pain conditions worse. Before that I could get out every couple of weeks or so.