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03/26/2012 07:26 PM

just lost

jacintajay
jacintajayPosts: 50
Member

Hello

my name is Jay and I am a 35 year old woman who has suffered from various episodes of mental illness most of my adult life (with a few years here and there of being well). I had anorexia at 17 and my family refused me any psychological help (abusive childhood and very dysfunctional relationships with family). At 19 I started getting panic attacks and they gradually led to agoraphobia which lasted on/off for years in my 20's. I am now finding I have slipped into a very dark place with depression. I am almost entirely isolated during the day (I am not working and can barely leave the house). I wander around the house crying constantly. I can't eat much and am not taking care of myself. I keep trying so desperately to snap out of it to grow up (like my mother says) but I just can't do what they seem to think is so easy to do. I don't want to be like this. I hate it. I have been off zoloft now for 6 months and my doctor has prescribed effexor but I am too scared to take it (heard a lot of bad stories). I know I probably should take it and I know the social isolation is doing harm but I just don't know what to do. I can't ever see being able to think clearly again and with my entire adult life being consumed with mental illness I can't ever see a life without it Sad Thanks for listening

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03/27/2012 07:50 AM
romeror2k
Posts: 31
Member

Do you have anyone you can speak to on the phone ? Or a therapist. Even if you can't get out of house, it helps to speak to someone one phone. I speak to a few friends everyday. You need at least eat and take care of yourself physically. If you need to you can PM me, and we can chat on-line. You are not alone

03/27/2012 10:03 AM
MandyPanda20
MandyPanda20  
Posts: 38
Member

Hello jacintajay, I understand how you feel, I have been depressed for years, and also diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorder. It's like pulling teeth to get me out of the house, and I have been calling into work at least once a week, which is hurting my job. It's a beautiful day out today and I don't even care, I just want to sit and stare into space. I also can relate to you because I was bulimic and anorexic for years, and my family did nothing but get angry at me because of it. Said it was stupid and irrational. I just wanted to post and let you know you aren't the only one going through this. It's a disease, it isn't our fault we have to suffer. But with therapy, meds and support I believe we can overcome.

03/28/2012 10:30 PM
jacintajay
jacintajayPosts: 50
Member

Smile Thanks everyone. There is nobody to speak to on the phone. The only person who speaks to me from my family is my dad and I have no extended family that can help and all my friends are gone from this illness. It's pretty bad I know. I have no idea how to meet people stuck in this situation. I worry that going days without conversing or interacting with people is making me worse and is going to lead to more issues. So stuck

03/29/2012 12:28 AM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Jay, I am sorry for all you are going thru. I have a couple of things to say. First, please take the Effexor. There are no drugs in this category that don't have a lot of bad stories. Some people tolerate some but not others. You will only find out if you try. Also, I think a counselor is in order. You have a shot at a decent life if you give the meds a chance, and if one doesn't work, try another; and if you find a therapist to talk to. Did the zoloft stop working? If not, maybe you could start that again. But you sound much too far gone to come out of the deperssion w/o help.

Your mother is not trying to hurt you. It is all but impossible for anyone who's never suffered from the damned disease who understands it. People think we're lazy, want to get out of work, can just decide we'll be ok, and other ideas which make sense to those who say them, but are obviously not something we can do. I've often asked people making these stupid comments, if depression was a choice, who would choose it? It is a disease. I also say if I had diabetes, would they say I shouldn't take my insulin? I follow that w/ the fact that this is no different. It's a disease, not a choice, and it's all but impossible to 'snap out of it'.

You don't have to answer anything on the boards you don't want to - and you do not own any explanation, but if you don't mind saying, what are your living arrangements? Are you living w/ your mom? And what do you live on?

Think about what all of us have said, and please keep us up to date on how you're doing. We care.

Peace,

Sylvia

I am homebound because I can't get down the steps, sold my car since a doctor forced a med on me that he knew would make my too many pain conditions worse. Before that I could get out every couple of weeks or so.

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