Depression Support Group

My story...Well, I've put it out there before so I'll keep it short.

Early childhood is filled with parents raging at each other and threats to kill one another in their sleep. Teachers telling me I was being immature any time I had fun. Kids at school judging me by my homemade clothes and orthopedic shoes instead of wearing levis and nikes Preachers telling me I was going to hell.

Short adult relationships with women including, three sex addicts (who don't like to have sex with man who actually care about them), a physically abusive alcoholic, and a pathological liar.

A work life of bouncing from job to unrelated job, trying to find a job I actually liked.

That pretty much sums up 39 years of life, except for the thread of depression running through all of those events since the middle of high school. I have become steadily and increasingly withdrawn. I have idealized suicide as long as I can remember. About ten years ago I developed occasional fits of self directed rage, beating myself in the head as if there is something bad inside my head I need to destroy or shake loose. And about three years ago I began having fantasies of hurting other who I saw as having caused me pain.

In my search for help I have never received a solid diagnosis I could agree with. I have been given medicine for anxiety, depression, mood swings, psychosis, insomnia, and rumination. Doctors have talked about post traumatic stress, bipolar, borderline personality, obsessive compulsive, and chronic depression.

Today I have given up on medication as none of the dozens tried worked. I have exhausted the ideas in the book "The mood cure" so I am pretty sure it is not a nutritional issue. I have read that certain bacterial or parasitic infections can cause some of my mental issues, and I have many of the physical signs of these infections as well. So I am soon beginning a homeopathic program of bacteria and parasite cleansing to see if there is an effect there.

But mostly I am working on my own program of healing from my past and moving towards a healthy future, with a mixture of cognitive therapy, neurolingustic programming, and spiritual concepts I have found in the many psychology and self help books I have read.

But also, and maybe most importantly, I am trying again here to reach out to others who are going on their own healing journeys.

I command you,god bless you.

I admire your persistence in trying a lot of different approaches to alleviating your mental health issues. Like you, I've tried a lot of different things besides therapy and chemical-based treatments like herbs,acupuncture, meditating, exercise, prayer, and now this forum to help me out. Even writing about my feelings in this forum has lifted the pressure I was feeling today. Maybe it will reduce my mild agoraphobia so I can make it out of the house today

Sorry to get sidetracked. I wish you the best of success with your homeopathic and alternative remedies. Maybe you will find contentment and come back to share your success with us

-Connie

I just found this site, and found your story.. I also have dealt with a lifelong depression. From stuttering severly as a child till in my 20's, being overweight my entire life, being a virgin till I was 42. When I met my wife from the Philippines.. I also been through too many anti-depressants to name.. Been suicidal most of my life, but never could follow through. I joke to my therapist, if I didn't have low testosterone, I probably would not be here. Now they suggested, ECT.. That's my last choice. I am glad I found your story!! Maybe we can stay in touch?

Everyone needs friends and support! Here if you need someone to talk to.

Mark from Iowa

Remember that the past is gone and the only thing we can change is our future. Life can be very hard...I know. Have courage and I am happy that you reached out.

I am very new here myself and am chronically depressed (since childhood). I recently went on Pristiq and I am seeing a therapist (doing MUCH better). I believe that meds and talk therapy go hand in hand.

Best of luck to you.

It is great to have you here with us and like you I have been through alot in my life. Since my long illnesses and getting older now I have came to discover I have to leave the past in the past and live each and everyday as if it is the last. I wish you nothing but the best and look forward to getting to know you through your post. Many Blessings!