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02/09/2012 11:12 AM

What's up?

DaisyCarolyn
 
Posts: 62
Member

Hey guys, I'm new here. Which is why I'm currenty writing in this forum part. Uh. Yeah.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with depression, but it wasn't severe enough to put me on pills. I didn't want pills, though, so it was okay. I saw a psychiatrist, but my parents were mad with me, thinking I was making it all up. On and off, I've had problems. I tried ODing but my friend got someone before i took any damage. I lied about wanting to die. My parents got mad again and banned me from leaving the house unless it was for school. I wasn't allowed my iPod or my phone or the computer. I couldn't see my friends. This lasted about a month, and I stopped going to the psychiatrist again because my step dad threatened to take my diaries, which he had already read. He's a snooper. Just recently though, I went back to my school nurse and spoke to her. She got me an appointment with my GP where I spent an hour crying and then I was refered, once again, to CAMHs. I've vowed to stick with it, because I'm worried I may have had a hypomanic episode. This happened: I got three hours sleep, I was fine the next morning, I went shopping with my best friend, I blew £300 on god knows what, many people asked me if I was on drugs, I could hardly think due to so many ideas and song lyrics and projects I wanted to start and my speech was apparently unable to understand. It lasted four days, and I delved into depression again straight after. I hadn't had another episode until one started on Saturday (I think). I have hardly slept, I'm hardly eating (I don't need it) I feel so happy compared to how I was but I'm agitated and anxious, too. I'm getting into arguments with everyone. I'm twitching and my leg is constantly twitchy. My attention span is short and again my speech is rapid. The thing that worries me the most is that at night i hallucinate and occasionly in the day. Yet i know they aren't real, but they scare me. I think I'm paranoid, I've accused my parents of having hidden cameras in my bedroom (I still believe this, and I check in my wardrobe every night) but they deny it. Think my step dad can read my mind too. I'm scared to think. And just today, my friend told me de thinks I'm a fake attention whore, and

that I'm irritating everyone. Even my best friend doesn't want to be alone with me becaue I'm 'weird and scary'. I apologise for the long introduction, but yeah. I'm not usually one for saying 'help me the fuck out, I'm terrified of what I'm going hrough' but in this case, I am. I know I'm somewhere I won't be judged. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice?

-DC

Post edited by: DaisyCarolyn, at: 02/09/2012 11:15 AM

Post edited by: DaisyCarolyn, at: 02/09/2012 11:16 AM

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02/09/2012 06:03 PM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
VIP Member

Hi Welcome. Sounds like you are struggling a bit with the depression and some other sypmtoms, the anxiety, irritablility and paranoia. I can only imagine how that must feel can be scary to feel so much. I can only say if it were me, I'd seek professional help. I'm not the kind of person to suffer a long time and not find someone who may be able to help me. Thinking of you. Warm welcome wishes. Rachele

02/09/2012 07:59 PM
Starbright81sjv
Starbright81sjv  
Posts: 152
Member

Welcome DC! You definately wont be judged here! If you don't mind me asking? How old are you? It sounds to me like you are having manic episodes! Up and down, feeling depressed and scared one minute and happy and on top of the world the next minute! I would recommend seeking professional help, sounds like your school nurse is a safe person to go to for help. I truelly hope you get the answers you are hoping for!!

02/09/2012 11:59 PM
DaisyCarolyn
 
Posts: 62
Member

Thank you, for the welcome and advice. I'm 16 so it /could/ be hormones, that's what my mum says but I some how doubt it could be. I'm hoping to see my psychiatrist soon, I'm just waiting for a damn appointment :o

02/10/2012 03:27 PM
Starbright81sjv
Starbright81sjv  
Posts: 152
Member

16 is a tough age for anyone, especially when you are struggling with depression on top of everything! I have suffered with depression since I was 13 and I am now 30, so I understand how hard it can be! Keep your head up! Im glad you are going to see a psychiatrist! I know it helped me a lot!

02/11/2012 09:08 AM
DaisyCarolyn
 
Posts: 62
Member

That's a long time:/ and thank you. I'm hoping I see him soon. As for my mood.... I don't feel like that anymore. The last week has been a blur and I'm ashamed. I feel like crap in all honesty.
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