MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
05/24/2011 09:29 AM

The great Sadness.

Tommy100
Tommy100  
Posts: 903
Senior Member

Hi. Been on quite a few mdj forums. This is where I am now. Constant depression.

Read a good article in a SA mag that describes what I feel.

A geat sadness, a feeling on loss, constantly dissatisfied and unhappy,

That is the feeling, and no medication has helped..

Anyway, I just wanted to put it in words.

Reply

05/24/2011 10:16 AM
Ginag
Ginag  
Posts: 2819
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi

Thanks for putting it into words. You read my mind. I have experienced the loss of several friends/ family members in the last 4 years. my cousin died, 59, just last week. Evertime someone dies, I feel a small part of me dies too. The part of my past, the stories that made up my life. I also am overwhelmed with the Joplin storms.

I think that I am in the time of my life I feared as I was growing up...Both parents gone, physical and mental health challanges everyday, poor and alone.

At sometime everyone has the being alone ( espically if you live tobe 93, like my Mom) Everyone will eventuall have some illness that overwhelms them...I say this because I get that I am just living life, but I feel sad.


05/24/2011 07:32 PM
CrazyCat
CrazyCat  
Posts: 1527
Senior Member

Oh so much saddness... I think it is hard when things are tragic in the world or when something in our life like loss is there. I get lonely and sad but quickly distract myself instead of feeling it. I feel the same about just living life barely and really want to find happiness. It is going to take a lot of work and many things to work through but I am hoping it will come.

05/24/2011 07:37 PM
sweetietide

hello tommy100,

sounds so familiar....please feel welcome and that we are here to help. glad to see you here being, trying and continuing ....that is all we can do anyway.

take care and feel welcome. we are all in this together.

sweetietideSmile


05/24/2011 10:33 PM
Tommy100
Tommy100  
Posts: 903
Senior Member

Thank you.

Another thing that adds to the depression is, I internalize everything. So there is no outlet for feelings, this aggravates the pain.


05/24/2011 11:06 PM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Tommy and Gina and welcome. I am sorry you are both going thru so many losses. I know how you feel. I can't even remember all of the friends I've lost. My short-term memory problems are not likely to go away. I hate aging! In truth I am not aging. I'm a trend-setter. I heard on the news that grey hair is so in that even young women are dying their hair grey. To each her own. I have my mom's silver hair, and mine started turning when I was 12.

Gina, I am pretty much the same situation. I had a rocky relationship, at best, w/ my mother. When she was dying I spent two entire days w/ her except one hour to go to my cousin's to take a bath. Hey, when I realized I had a bunch of places, I went for the $5000 model. Smile I also took a pillow on my way out. I'd not slept for even a minute in the hospital the night before because, added to the stress of watching my mom die, being totally drained from having to make arrangements for 3 kids and a number of other things before I flew out, packing, etc., and working my ass off to make sure she was totally snowed, I am totally unable to sleep on a plastic covered pillow. I sweat like crazy in all hospitals unless I've enough warning to bring a pillow. In the first nuthouse I realized that some pillows didn't have plastic on them. Every time someone left, I'd go into the room to see what kind of pillow was there, and if it wasn't plastic, I'd trade one of my plastics for it. My mom had a DNR order, and when she had her stroke (4 months before she died), I called the addict she called doctor, and told him that my mother made me promise that I'd never let anyone operate on her again, and that she didn't want to be kept alive w/ respirator, IV's or forced liquids. No heroic measures. She wanted to be left to die in peace, and I expected that he'd follow her wishes. Then I called my brother and told him he had to call also because Mom's doc was clearly a male chauvinist pig. I gave him the 'script' and he called also. The bastard put them on anyway. I told him he'd better order the morphine shots PRN, even if one shot followed another by 5-10 minutes. I told him whenever I saw her move a finger or any movement at all, I expected to tell the nurse who would give her the injection immediately. I told him if she woke, from what he said, she wouldn't be able to talk, but she'd surely know she had a tube down her throat, and I would be damned before I'd let my mother's last thought be that I broke my promise. We had a couple of rocky arguments, but he did order that she not be allowed to wake, no matter how much morphine she had. Actually, I am not kidding about him being a junkie, so he could have thought anything. BTW, I first asked him to turn them off. He said he'd need a court order. I told him to get one. He said she wouldn't live long enough. So knowing how we all felt, and knowing that she could not live 72 hours, he hooked her up anyway. The reason? Beyond her Medicare, Medicaid and Medi-gap, there was a bill for $36,000 in co-pays for about 50 hours. Obviously it was not paid.

After my experiences of the last 2 1/2 years, I think 50-75% of all tests and meds are given, done, whatever, just for the charges. I've no idea how Obama's healthcare efforts will turn out (lost my crystal ball), but one of the first things he mentioned was someting I'd complained about in 4 hospitals - doing the same tests in 4 hospital in 3 days. Sorry, but not being able to send the report was BS. They wanted to be able to charge. Round 2 of my journey I was in the hospital for 10 days. A 34 day supply of every med they gave me would have cost under $20 in the drugstore. They only charged for 10 days, of course, but charge they did - to the amount of $2000 for meds, misc. I'd wager that if Obama does nothing besides changing the law so what happened to me cannot continue to happen to anyone. The charges were preposterous. I got them all written off, but I'd have been paying them to do whatever they could to kill me.

I hope we all feel better soon. So many in the group seem to be having problems. Or maybe I got that backwards. Maybe we are in the group because we're having problems. Seems to be a chicken and egg kind of thing.

Sylvia


05/28/2011 07:19 PM
mem9113

Welcome Tommy,

I hope you feel comfortable to talk about whatever you need to get out. My depression comes from physical pain most of the time however when you get into that dark place it really doesn't matter why your down there its about how can i get myself out of it. For me making myself get out of bed and get outside even if its just a short walk or going to the store where others are sometimes helps me and I know for everyone its different. I love music and I will listen to my favorite songs really loud that helps me too.

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved