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09/06/2009 03:13 PM

need to talk

Capricorn
Capricorn  
Posts: 26
Member

My hubby and my best friend have hooked up. Her husband died 4 months ago. Is this going to last between them or is it the two of them just dealing with their loss? My hubby and I will be married 16 years on the 10th of Oct. He won't talk to me as to how this happened, what do I do?
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09/06/2009 04:49 PM
mitzigirl
mitzigirl  
Posts: 14127
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hello Capricorn it is nice to meet you Welcome to our depression group..

I am Viv and this is a hard one my husband left me for what I thought was a best friend after 17 yrs of marriage..

This is a hard situation and there is no telling whether it will last or not but I do know this is not fair to you..I finally moved on and mine didn't stay with her but we didnt get back together either...Either way we are here for you..Feel free to talk and share with us...


09/06/2009 07:12 PM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Capricorn, I am so sorry that you are having this awful experience. I would say the question you need to ask yourself is not whether he will stay w/ her but how you feel about what's going on and if you could live w/ what happened if you got back together w/ your husband.

Just something to think about.

Welcome to the group. There are a lot of helpful, supportive people here.

Sylvia


09/12/2009 09:14 PM
Supportless

I agree with Sylvia on this one. Can you live with what he did to you? Nice to meet you and we are here for you,,,,,,,Karen

09/13/2009 09:28 AM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
VIP Member

Wow, that's are a hard one to experience Capricorn. I can only imagine the pain you feel over this. Grief takes a person by surprise like an ambush and the person who is left alone, feels they cannot bare the loss or lonlieness. That doesn't change what is happening. I would say that it's important for those who are grieving to get the support and help they need before turning to others and a relationship. No less with your husband. You may have to sit him down and talk with him or get the help of a professional relationship counselor. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

09/13/2009 10:23 AM
catiana
catianaPosts: 600
Member

what?they hooked up and ur just calm about it?ur still amrried to him right living together?how did u find out?u jsut sound so calm about it like "i wonder if it will last"????aren't u anrgy upset disgustedBlink she was a best friend???woow so ur still best friends??Shocked

09/13/2009 10:40 AM
Capricorn
Capricorn  
Posts: 26
Member

no we are not still friends and I am devistated over this. He wont even talk to me about it I see a lawyer this thursday.

09/13/2009 10:51 AM
catiana
catianaPosts: 600
Member

oh sorry hun but it's better this way they probably desearve each other if they were able to betray you like this..it's really so sad after 16 years i know it must feel devastating..but just think hunny if they are happy and don't care enough about u now to even speak to you..are you gonna give them the satisfaction of suffering over this?why cry for someone who doesn't love you or wants you around it this worth it?again i understand u must feel devastated but u have to get over this there's no way you can go back now

09/13/2009 02:44 PM
mitzigirl
mitzigirl  
Posts: 14127
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I understand this is devastating to you right now..That definatley was no friend anyhow..Friends would never betray you like this..

09/13/2009 03:08 PM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Capricorn, I am so sorry that things are not working out as you'd hoped. But if they are going to continue to be together I think seeing a lawyer is what you need to do to take care of yourself. And I am proud of you for doing it.

Do you have kids?

I hope things work out in the end. I'm sure you know that you need time to grieve the relationship. 16 years is a long time. So be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel.

I have been divorced for over 30 years, but the circumstances were different, so I can't say I know how you feel, but I do know the pain of any divorce.

If you'd like to talk, feel free to PM me at any time. I will get back as soon as I can.

Sylvia

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