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08/27/2009 02:36 AM

What to do?

tamarisk
Posts: 4
New Member

Hi, So, where to start? I'm Male, 42, living in London with my Father. I am in a very deep hole of depression which has been worsened by circumstance, that I am finding it impossible to get out of. I have been looking to change my profession for the last 5 years, without luck. I believe I am now coming up against an ageism issue now as well. To be honest I have no idea about what I want to do with the rest of my life and am sorely lacking in any transferrable skills. I try to talk to my siblings about issues I have, but they seem to be embarrassed and uncomfortable, and simply don't know what to say, they think I am just miserable and moody. I have considered re-training, but in all honesty am clueless about a direction, or how to fund it. Obviously my self esteem is rock bottom and most days I struggle to find a reason to carry on, and get out of bed. Confidence and shyness have always been major problems for me. I have few friends that I never see, because they are all settled down, when we do speak I put on a brave face and make out everythings OK. I don't have a partner. Everyday I tell myself to stop complaining and get on with life, but very soon the nagging voice in my head starts again. I wonder if I should resort to anti-depressants? Or is that the start of a slippery path? I know this won't help my situation.
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08/27/2009 04:50 AM
Supportless

Talking with a good therapist is a good start and trying anti-depressants sounds as if it would be a very good idea for you, also. You have been struggling already for 5 years. This seems like it would be a good place to start? A positive person to talk to would seem to be in order and getting out of the black hole before making any decisions about your future is probably a good idea. Welcome to the group and I hope you will stay here and talk with us more! Karen

08/27/2009 05:56 AM
babies1
babies1  
Posts: 1980
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

tamarisk, I am so sorry you have been going through this for so long now. Supportless is right about starting with a therapist. If you can't afford therapy, see your GP about getting on an antidepressant.

Being on antidepressants does not have to be a lifetime thing.

Yes, once you are feeling better, you will better be able to make major decisions about your career and life. I went back to school when I was 34. It is very scary because you are competing with younger people, your memory may not be as good, and you may have forgoten a lot of things that you knew in school. I struggled to make A's because I thought If I got anything less that I would go straight down to failure. Well, I finally got a C and the world did not fall out from under me, it was all in my head.

Anyway, anyone wanting a career change or higher education, I say go for it, especially if you are miserable in your present job. Do what makes you happy, you one have one life!

hugs, jenn


09/03/2009 12:02 PM
tamarisk
Posts: 4
New Member

Thanks both for your kind thoughts and words. I actually didn't think my posting was online, I hit the submit button and the screen went blank and froze, which as you can imagine in the frame of mind I was in, actually didn't help at all! I think you are both right about talking to my GP and perhaps trying anti-depressants, I'm just a little worried that when I 'come-out' as it were, as a depressive, that will be forever on my, health record, and then begin ti define me. But I agree that I can't really make any positive long term decisions until I feel clearer of thought. I know that my current state of mind has been exacerbated by the accumulative effect of constantly being ignored by employers. I have literally applied to hundreds of vacant positions, without any success, normally not even receiving an acknowledgment. Which is why I believe I am being overlooked because of my age. I was actually doing some research into training as a social worker today, initially it was looking good, the 3 year degree course has an available bursary for UK citizens, but then I spoke to an advisor who told me that, as a returner to education,I would have to do a 1 year full time, self funded, access course prior to starting the degree and that the colleges who run the access courses normally would want at least 6 months,normally a year,of work experience, before being accepted on the course. That's virtually 5 years before I can start working again. Which in all honesty would be ok if I was absolutely positive that social work was something I wanted to do, but I'm really groping around in the dark for a direction. I realise this situation is all of my own making, although as I explained before my shyness and lack of confidence has always driven the decisions I have made in the past. Living my life in a way where I avoided social settings, both professionally and socially. I know I am not stupid, I also know I am not the brightest button in the box, but I am not being given any chances to prove myself. My worry is that I am destined to work in menial positions on minimum wage for the rest of my life, which is a totally pointless existence as far as I'm concerned. I don't have any vocation and I project into the future and either have no idea what it holds or feel that I'm a very short step to life on the streets.

09/03/2009 04:19 PM
mitzigirl
mitzigirl  
Posts: 14127
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Tamarisk..Welcome to the group Sorry it took so long for me to respond..I see you are in good hands..We have great members here and glad your here with us..

I am glad it posted for you sometimes that happens when you hit submit I just lost a long post awhile ago and its hard enough to write it the first time..At least it didnt get lost..

Sounds like you do need to see someone before you can decide on which path to follow..It doesn't matter how old or young depression is a horrible thing..I know I have lived with it most of my life..But there can be life with it..

Please feel free to post and talk we all are happy to have you with us here and we all have depression in some form or another..So your not alone..I do know it feels that way at times...Blessings Be with you..Welcome to our board!


09/03/2009 08:03 PM
Supportless

Low self-esteem and low self-confidence and the look of depression is very easy for others to pick up. I suggest therapy for you, strongly. It may not be ageism that is the reason why you did not get those jobs that you interviewed for. Maybe it is the impression that you made because of the above. Anti-depressants and therapy could help you alot and I hope that you do not suffer any longer than you already have. Please keep us posted. Karen

09/04/2009 12:12 PM
tamarisk
Posts: 4
New Member

That's the thing Karen, I'm not even being allowed the opportunity of an interview. Actually I think if you asked people I know, who don't know I suffer with depression, they would say that I am quite a positive, outgoing, free spirit. I guess I hide my hopelessness well! I project into the future and don't see a happy outcome. I'm sick and tired of waking up everyday unhappy and angry. I realise I can't breeze through life being happy 24/7, but I'm also just so tired of being lonely and sad all the time. In fact I''m already getting sick of the sound of my voice writing this. Sorry for my negativity.

09/04/2009 01:49 PM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi tamarisk, my bff is in the UK, so I know that your job situation is like ours. You may not be getting interviews because there are so many people applying for any job that is open or even those that could open up. When I was first disabled I would have been able to work, and the job market was quite different (this was in 1995), but if I happened to get an interview, as soon as they saw the cane the interview was over. And of the many interviews I had, not one person who 'promised' to let me know one way or the other by - whenever - ever did. In 1999 I was slammed by an SUV (y'all call them people carriers) and became unable to work.

But what I started to say is that nobody getting back to you is probably not personal. There are just so many applicants for each job that the companies don't have time to get back to anyone they're not considering hiring.

I am almost totally homebound and my depression continues to worsen. I am not able to take antidepressants because of severe reactions to most drugs, but when I could take one many years ago, it changed my life in a couple of weeks. I only wish I could take one now.

So, as everyone else has said, it's something I suggest you talk to your doctor about. Maybe if he can't help you he'll give you a psychiatric referral. I know you guys sometimes wait a long time for referred appointments, but maybe your doc could do something to speed the appointment up if s/he thinks the depression is bad enough. I also know how hard it is to get counseling on the NHS, but, again, maybe your doc could do something to make sure you get the help you need.

I wish you all the best and hope that you get the help you need soon.

Regards,

Sylvia


09/04/2009 10:56 PM
Supportless

Wink Good luck on your search for self, Tamarisk.

Post edited by: Supportless, at: 09/04/2009 11:00 PM


01/02/2010 02:00 AM
tamarisk
Posts: 4
New Member

Haven't posted for a while, life has taken over. After weighing up my options-for too long actually and missing the boat to go back to college, because I found it impossible to focus on a direction I wanted to take, I decided to do what I've done the last few years and go to somewhere warm and sunny for the winter, I do this thing called HelpXing, which is living with and working for someone on a part time basis for bed and board. I've been to Barbados, Hawaii, Portugal and Australia in the past couple of years. It's not always been a roaring success, but when it does work it's great and always interesting. I'd arranged a couple of placements in New Zealand and was booked to fly on 17th November. Unfortuantely 5 days before departure I was involved in a road accident on my way to the part time gardening job I do. I was riding my bike and hit by a car. Ambulance and police attended and I was taken to hospital, where it was discovered I had sustained fractures to my elbow and wrist, my head had also hit the floor and I had cuts and bruises and was a bit of a sight. Obviously I had to cancel the trip. I've spent the last 6 weeks going back and forth to the hospital for repeated x-rays and at home recovering, but going mad with boredom and feeling low. The weather has been dreadful here in the UK, I'm afraid I'm not a winter person at all and Christmas was the usual anti climax it always is. I also had to start the process of claiming compensation on the drivers insurance, which involved endless form filling and also a trip to a private doctor next week. All the time I've been looking for work and applying for a few things I know I could do, but as usual nothing. The one I was quite excited about was working for 10 months in Italy, gardening at an artists holiday village. The lady recruiting even contacted me saying I had a great cv, but hadn't included my age or a photo, which I duly supplied and then heard nothing else! Now I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world but what has the way I look got to do with how well I can do the job??? I decided yesterday that enough was enough, I've been let down repeatedly by the guy I had subcontracted to do my part time job whilst recovering and ended up giving him a piece of my mind and realised I have become like a boiling kettle about to blow. So I re-booked a flight to NZ for the end of the month. The 5 or 6 people who expressed an interest in hosting me originally, all responded that they would still like to, so I'm off on the 28th. Running away from my problems? absolutely! I know it will be only temporary, but for the short time there I know my mind will be taken somewhere else and my self esteem will be lifted. It does wonders to know that you are wanted, the constant rejection was becoming soul destroying and I needed to do something about it. A foot note I'd like to add is that this forum is for people with problems they feel the need to share, mine being an ongoing depressive tendency that has been exacerbated by my inabilty to find paid work of any sort. I therefore find it really annoying that to the left of my screen right now is a large advert telling me how I can make £76 per hour from home. Now forgive my scepticism but I just know that, that is a complete nonsense. It will be some sort of scam where I have to hand over money for the privilege of being given some useless information, that won't make me a penny! Believe me I've tried all sorts of things in the past and nothing worked.
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