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ALCSS2008
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My husband tells me things and then he changes what he says. He blames it on my medication and says I make up great stories in my head. The only problem is that I do know what he says and I am not mixed up. My counselor says he is saying these things to hurt me. He doesn't touch me physically. I think it is because I have gained weight since I have been sick. He looks at me with discust. I'm not stupid. I think there is someone else. Today I find him with his face shaven and when I woke up he was coming across the road fram a house that we watch for people that live in New Jersey. Why did he check it out today. He was just in there yesterday. I think he was in there with someone. He never shaves on Sunday. He also has varicose veins that he has had for 30 years and now he stopped and checked to see if this doctor still did them. All of the sudden he is interested in having them fixed. Whan I try to talk to him he starts yelling and then says he is not yelling. I can feel myself slipping. I have shingles and am not feeling well. My 49 year old brother is drunk in my car because he is visiting from California and we are trying to help him because he is an alcoholic. My mother called this morning crying because he was drunk and she couldn't do anything with him and my dad went on to church and left her. She was crying and said she was sorry I was sick but that I was all she had and she needed me so My husband I went and brought him to our house. Besides the shingles and the depression I have fibro and multiple illness r/t a car accident 2 years ago. I can't take all of this. I am sick and I just want to be left alone, but I love these people and I can't turn my back on them and my disability has been denied so I am worthless with 2 degrees and no income. Can you believe it, 44 and no income. I have no money, I am totally broke---all those years in school and sacrifices, no time with my kids and now I can't work and one person, ---A Judge---has decided that I am not disabled. 4 doctors say I am and my body says I am but one person has decided I am not so I have no income, my husband is probably having an affair, my brother is drunk in my car and won't come in, my mom crys all the time, my dad looks terrible, and my children will have no home in the next 6 months. No wonder I am slipping. I sit here in the sun typing and everything is looking dark and dim. My heart is so sad it feel likd it is weeping from withing. I have a meeting with my couonselor tomorrow at 5 pm and I would check myself in if it weren't that my mom and kids need me. Sorry this post is so dismal, but I am weary. ccc |
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OhLadyofAvalon
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Sandi, I just read your post and my heart really goes out to you. I feel your pain and I can sympathetize. My husband cheated on me all during our 6 years of marriage, then after our divorce I got wrapped up in a 3 year relationship with an alcoholic who had NO DESIRE to quit. His problem was that everyone else had a problem to his drinking. In reading your post, I got the feeling that you are a very caring, giving woman. You need to start taking care of yourself! Hard, I know! But until your brother is READY AND WILLING to change, he won't. As far as your husband goes, see if he won't try counseling with you. Though on my take, if trust is gone you have nothing to build on. But you need to start applying tough love and taking more care of yourself. Everything will fall into place. It was only after I reached that point myself, was I able to start the healing process and feel better. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ~Angela Post edited by: OhLadyofAvalon, at: 04/13/2008 12:42 |
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ALCSS2008
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Thank you Angela. ccc
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OhLadyofAvalon
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You're welcome Sandi. Just know you're not alone. |
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mamanordy
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Sandi, Hi Honey. I am glad you came over to the depression board. I am so sorry about the problems you are having with your husband. Sandi, let me tell you even if you have gained weight I am sure you are the same person inside. If your husband is not interested in you anymore that is his loss. But I know it makes you so sad. I know what you mean about being alone and feeling dreary. I will be praying for you that you get some resolve soon. I worry about you. PM me, we will talk. Love ya Debbi
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away"
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ALCSS2008
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The problem is that I am not the same person. I used to be loud and if he said something I didn't like, I would give it right back and he was always afraid I would leave him because I was thin and pretty and I had a good job and when he acted like and ass, he was sorry. Now, I am quiet and I barely talk at all, I am fat and not pretty and no one would want me and I have no income, so he has no fear that anyone would be interested in me. So he yells and yells nnd looks at me with disgust. There is something going on---I think he is lying. He said he would never lie, but the other day he lied and he said he did it becsuse it was easier than having a fight about it. HE also said he was good at it. His personality has changed also. I would have never married him if he had been like this. WE have been married 7 years. I think his mother knows something is up because she has been calling alot and he is sneaky on the phone with her. I don't care. Let him leave. He probably wants another nurse. Someone with a good income. So he can have what he wants. That is what I think he is mad about. Not about me being sick--about his having to give up his style of living. ccc |
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mamanordy
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Sandi, I understand completely. I am really not the same person anymore either. I too used to give it right back to my hubby when we fought, now I just dont say anything. I am much more quiet than I used to be, and I hate confrontation, I used to kind of like it... But I am so tired I just cannot do it anymore. It isnt worth it. I also feel worthless because I dont work anymore and I am not as pretty as I used to be either. We need to stick together!!! Debbi
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away"
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OhLadyofAvalon
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ALC and Mam, both of your posts broke my heart. Just because you are "fluffy" does not mean you are not desirable women!!! And not working? You have medical reasons! There are many who don't work because they are lazy and content to let society support them! Never, ever, let a man or ANYONE bring you down because of appearance! I am overweight, obese, actually. Beauty is made up of personality and a kind heart, and from what posts I have seen...you are beautiful women! My bf and I have been dating 4 months. I was the same size then as I am now. He has called me heffer and told me that he's going to "whip me into shape" once he gets out of the hospital. (He had a liver transplant) Now granted, he was joking when he called me heffer but it still hurt. Of course I didn't let him know so. I just looked at him and said "I know you didn't just call me a heffer!" LOL! Though I know I need to lose weight and he said he would help me. He's soooo good to me, and has done so many things to help me out. I know he loves me for who I am. But anyway, I didn't let it bring me down. If he ever has a true issue with my weight, he knows where the door is. I'm rambling again....anyway. The point of this post..don't let comments bring you down. We are all beautiful in our own ways. It's what makes us unique. Be strong and be beautiful. Angela Post edited by: OhLadyofAvalon, at: 04/16/2008 23:54 |
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mamanordy
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Thank you OhLady, very kind words. And you are right. Just because we are overweight doesnt mean we are not beautiful desirable women. I just dont like the way I feel or look But I am going to work on it. I will have to say my husband has never said anything to me about my weight, never.He still wants to have intimacy and he calls me sexy. But I always put myself down when he says that with a joke, like yeah ok you like big butts, or something like that. But he is what he said once: When I look at you, I see the same exact woman that I married 32 years ago. Now that is sweet. Cause sure wish I looked like that young bride!!  Debbi
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away"
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OhLadyofAvalon
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Well, you know. With big butts come big breasts! Which of course most men love. I have a myspace account and one of my friends has a tag on hers that says.."At least I have big boobs!" LMAO! I joke and tell Steve that at least with me, he's not going to crush me by giving me a hug, nor are my bony ribs going to poke him to death when we lay in bed together! LOL!!! |
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