Depression Support Group

My HB went to work last night at 11pm..didn't get home until 3pm today. No call or nothing to let me know he was running late. I tried his cell, but no reply..his phone was shut off..came home with a guilty look on his face..so I guess at later in life we still get jealous

LOL...yea Dont think he would...hummm..LOL

monday was hard. Actually, the last several days have been hard.

Too much pain/overwhelming fatigue is just too much after a couple of days.

I am so tired it is an effort to walk to the bathroom. So tired.

I went thru a period of being mad/frustrated/pitying for awhile.

Then I talked to a precious friend and laughed so much my spirit began lifting. The anger/frustration/guilt have gone leaving me with just the sickness.

I can cope much better with being sick when my mind is not focused on "me."

When the burden of wishing my life was as healthy as it once was has been taken from my breaking back how peaceful I become.

The body is still sick but contentment is soothing my heart/mind which allows me to be sick yet be able to find joyous moments.

Yes, I am beyond tired but i am no longer in the darkness. i see the light...again.

Hugs

Bits, so Glad to hear from you and to know your feeling better as well..Stay that way my friend..

I had a bad day, but I will survive it..

Trying days are hard...but they do pass..Hugs, Patty

Don't know why but every morning I feel weak and get hit by panic attacks. I delay taking my medication so that the effects of the medicine wouldn't wear off that fast. Its sickening and I hate it. I used to be ok once but since the beginning of this year it has been like that. To worsen matters my maid will be leaving for Cambodia, her hometown for a 3 week holiday. It gets better though as the day progresses and the medicine takes its effect. I feel like a freak having to depend on medicines to get through the day. It is not good to be dependent on medicines and I have been dependent on them for so long. I wish I had the courage to stop all the medicines prescribed by my doctor.

I know how you feel Michael. I too hate being dependent on my meds and I have to wait for them to take affect. It's so aggravating because I work 3 nights a week and have to wake up 6am to get my kids off to school. I have to nap during the day to make it through the night. I wanted to switch to maybe day hours but seems as though I need to be home during the day in case my kids need to be picked up or sick or need an emergency dr. appt. Dammn I'm so tired all the time, have no energy and don't get much done. I do want to get off these meds one day and be able to function normally like others do. I'm operate at half of what I could be and it's not a good thing. Tired of the same old same old bull! Rachele

I can understand what you mean Rachele, day in, day out the same crappy medicines or we don't function. I have not asked my current doc whether the medicines make me tired or just a fig of my imagination. My medicines have been changed so many times that I no longer care. I just swallow them and be done with it. Surprisingly today was a much better day. Had to keep my spirits up, so much work to do. I help my wife housekeep and we look after a 4 year old girl whom my wife is a nanny to, for the extra income. What I would like to do if I get well one day is to shove all the crappy meds which the doc has given me into their crummy throats and I will sit back calmly and just watch them turn blue and black in the face. That would be the ultimate satisfaction. As everyone here I have tried the full range of SSRI's before the idiotic doc reverted back to the first choice he made. He didn't care about the time, money and frustration I felt. The same for benzos, luckily my current doc recommended stablon (tianeptine)which I am currently taking. It is not a benzo. It has no side effects and can be taken prn and stopped anytime. Having had so many hopes dashed in the past, all I dare say it is ok. It is not available in the states and England but can be purchased online. It is best taken 1 tab three times a day. Sometimes in my weird moods, I feel like trashing all my meds and i would dream that I would be the new Minister of Health in my country. One of my first edicts would be that all pdocs should take their own medicines before they are licensed to prescribe to others.

I really think some medicine can help for the right type of depression. I was just over-medicated and for good reason at the time. I was attacked, left in my own pool of blood to die, by a family member. So yes , 2 years and a half have gone by..and I needed this med to survive. The pain was deep in my heart, my soul ,my very being. But I am a survivor , always was.

Went back to work 1 week later. Head wounds , broken arm, 20+ sutures in my leg.

But now after a lot of therapy (family included) I'm doing better. I dont need this strong med anymore...and I'm doing well with the withdrawals . My family life is doing well as can be expected. My sister just passed away, I think thats why my Pdoc kept my dose high, until I told him about the side affects..then he lowered it. I will soon , maybe 6-8 weeks be off of it and replace it if I feel in need of it. Not sure now, but will take it a day at a time...thats the way I live now...

Have a blessed day to all

Patty

The Benzo's are my what I rely on but I don't want to be heavily dependent on them. I also dont want to take Trazadone to help me sleep at night. I have terrible insomnia for years which is worse the older I get. Last night I actually got a full night of sleep with the Trazadone and woke up feeling like a completely different person. Not grumpy, or tired. I just don't want to take this drug forever, it's an antidepressant and antiseizure med. I already take Prozac for my depression. Just feel like a drug addict. I feel not different than someone taking street drugs. My sis actually came off all her meds through acupunture. Ugghh needles plus my insurance stinks have to pay $50 per specialist visit. Rachele

Bits I am sorry you are still sick my dear friend and that it has been such a rough week for you but am glad to hear you feel content and can find joy in somethings. THat is what is really important no matter how unhealthy our body is we need to still find the joy and be able to just laugh and lift our spirits. I am blessed with being able to do that. Love You Sister.

Patty sorry about your sister I know it must be hard.

Michael it is hard to face everyday with so many problems but at least we still wake up to face everyday so there is bright side to everything. Always look for the silver lineing when times are dark.

Rach I know how you feel and also suffer from severe insomnia and did not want to remain on Trazodone but it does help me and I have only had to have one increase in 3 years which is good and it does allow me to get the much needed sleep that helps me to be able to function and do what I can do each and everyday. Hope you feel better soon too. Love ya.

As for me things are going pretty good. Allergies I guess are acting up a little breathing trouble and stopped up nose and sore throat and ears but nothing to really complain about. I am truely very blessed now for the most part. Am headed out to church tonight with my next door neighbor for her revival. I look forward to it. May you guys have a blessed and enjoyable evening!

Today is Sat. and the day is good with cool weather. Yes Viv you are right, at least we wake up, that is a blessing in itself. I was watching some TV and recollecting my thoughts. In the 2 years I have known you, you have never ranted or vented. I wonder how you do it. I love this thread where I can be myself and just talk about anything and everything. I had a good sleep last night and woke up a little later than usual. I also dislike taking medicines but I accept the fact that they do help me a lot. It is as Rachele says, the thought of feeling like an addict makes me sick. Well I have to accept the fact that I am unwell and I need my medicines to be well.