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01/29/2011 02:46 AM

Where do I start?

BrianG50
BrianG50  
Posts: 12
Member

Where do I start?

This is going to be difficult. I dont really know where to start with this.

This entry is just a general introduction.

I have been suffering (on and off) with depression and anxiety for so many years. I try my best to avoid things such as anti-depressants, tranquilisers and sleeping tablets because I dont want to become dependant on medication in order to live. I have been for councelling many times but the help that I get only manages to improve things for short periods of time and then things tend to revert back to what they were. It is also difficult to know what to talk about during the councelling sessions.

I tend to go through stages where I have no problems at all and everything is "just perfect" and then a dark cloud just seems to come from nowhere and changes my life totally - makes things really unpleasant for me.

At times I feel that I do not know what to do or who to turn to. It seems that people do not want to listen because nobody seems to understand. They do not know where I am coming from because they have not experienced depression.

I had a serious nervous breakdown at the age of 20. I was admitted into hospital and spent the next 11 weeks there. I was 300 miles from home and did not get a single visit from family or friends. I was severely depressed and did not really want to live. I just wanted to die. I was not suicidal - praise God for that - and had no intentions of taking my own life.

I went home after being discharged from hospital.I think that my family could accept the fact that I had had a nervous breakdown because I was not allowed to talk about the experience. They just did not want to hear anything. At that point in time I recieved no councelling at all - not even in hospital - and believe that this is the reason for my continued suffering. If I had received councelling at that time I would probably have been able to cope with life today.

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01/29/2011 03:02 AM
scotty04901
scotty04901  
Posts: 2579
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Brian,most of what you say, most of us could have written. Life is full of normalcy where all seems fine and then...BANG!!! I'm going through that BANG right now myself...Unemployed and no more unemployment coming in...Thus far, no hope for a job...Wife working her butt off to try and make ends meet. My wanting to get off disability, but needing a job to do it. Almost running out of oil, if our church had not come to our aide. I'm on a med for the depression and glad I'm on it. Depending on what the med is, you won't even know you're on one.

01/29/2011 03:14 AM
mem4809

You are not alone. It is really unfortunate that you did not receive the help you needed/need. I am on Cymbalta and welbutrin and I have some insomnia but am otherwise fine. There are many drugs out there with little or no side effects now. It is never too late to get counselling either. I have also had a few breakdowns and unfortunately 3 attempts, but I am in a good place now and have had therapy off and on through the years. For a while I had a terrible therapist who only made things worse--I actually put a complaint in because he was so bad, but then I found the right help. There is still hope, it is never too late. Posting here is also very cathartic. I hope you will continue to seek our support!

Janna


01/29/2011 09:52 AM
mitzigirl
mitzigirl  
Posts: 14085
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Brain I am Viv and glad to have you with us here. Sounds like when you had your breakdown that your family did not really realize how serious it can be. Sometimes our love ones get so hung up on us being diagnosised with a mental illness that they want to sweep it under a rug when it is nothing to be ashame of we didn't ask for Depression it is no different than getting another health issue like diabetes they would of had you treated for it.

There are many anti depressants that work well and it does not mean you will have to take them for the rest of your life but when you have that dark cloud over you it surely can help with it. I used to be afraid of them but am thankful now to be on one that works well for me and I do not notice any side effects with it.

Keep posting and talking with us that is what we are all here for. I have been with MDJ over 2 yrs and it has helped me so much and I have made life long friendships. Glad you are here. Many Blessings!


01/29/2011 06:13 PM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Brian, I agree w/ what's been said. I am on the other side of the coin. I'd give almost anything to be able to tolerate an antidepressant, but it is now looking like the last ditch effort my doc and I decided to try is going to have to be stopped also. I should know on Monday. I was able to take one of the older ones in pre-prozac days, and it helped immensely. I did not feel any depression in all the months I took it, and for a few years after I stopped it because I'd gained 100 lbs. Please do not be scared. First of all, most of the newer drugs don't tend to cause weight change, and secondly, my body reacts to everything totally differently than anybody else's body. Many people take the tricyclic that put all the weight on me and never gain an ounce. Some gain a little bit when they first start it, but then settle down. For me, however, it did not stop. I once gained 20 lbs. in 4 days. That is not a usual reaction. Whenever I have to call my pharmacist w/ a question I always start by telling him to remember who he's talking to before he answers. LOL

I hope you can find the help you are looking for. And always remember that we are here for you.

Cheers,

Sylvia

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