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01/25/2011 07:02 PM

MY PAIN IS CAUSED BY MY FAMILY

PAINFUL90044
PAINFUL90044  
Posts: 3
Member

IT IS SAID THAT STRESS CAUSES PAIN. I BELIEVE IT BECAUSE WHEN MY FAMILY CRITICIZE ME SAYING THAT I'M BEING LAZY AND NOT HURTING THAT BAD. OR NOT UNDERSTANDING THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN. IT CAUSES ME TO STRESS AND HURT EVEN MORE. HOW DO I CONVINCE THEM?Unsure
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01/25/2011 07:25 PM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
VIP Member

Hi Painful, Welcome to the group. I'm sorry to hear how much you are hurting and your depression. Family can cause alot of stress and issues that could lead to depression. I have had issues with my extended family that have caused me alot of sadness and depression.

It's hard to hear when those who are supposed to be your family, blood and support criticize you. You want them to be supportive. Criticizing really hurts and is counterproductive. Everyone needs to feel loved and cared for. No one is perfect and there's a way to talk to people without criticizing someone. Welcome to the group. Hope you feel find understanding and support here. Oh, also there is a new group on MDJ that also talks about family issues and stress. It's called Dysfunctinal Families. You may want to take a look at that group too. Thinking of you. You are not alone. Rachele

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 01/25/2011 07:30 PM


01/25/2011 07:31 PM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Painful and welcome to the group. I am glad that you've found us. We are warm and non-judgmental, so please feel free to post at will.

Re your question, that's one we talk about here a lot. It's not really possible to explain depression to anyone who has not suffered w/ it. Many things fall under the umbrella of can't understand 'cause haven't been there.

You could try asking those criticizing you if they would call you names if you were diabetic, or if they would understand that you had a disorder that needed treatment. Most people will agree w/ that statement. Then you say something like 'depression is also a disease; it's just in my brain chemicals instead of my body'. Sometimes things like that will at least cause people to think about what you've said. And my all time favorite, 'Just snap out of it' I answer by asking if this is a choice, who in the world would CHOOSE to feel the way I feel.

I'd say breaking thru is kind of a crap shoot, but if you want to stay close to your family, it's good to at least try to communicate how you feel even if others can't understand. There's an article on CNN.com today that has things to say and not say to someone suffering from depression. If you'd like to see it, go to CNN.com, scroll down the page until you come to the health section (toward the right, about halfway down), and click on the depression post. I only took a quick look, but CNN seems to do a good job w/ these kind of articles.

I hope that you manage to get along even if your family can't understand how or why you feel the way you do.

Warm welcoming wishes,

Sylvia


01/26/2011 01:58 AM
mem4809

Welcome to the group! You will find a lot of support here.

I have gone through a similar situation with my family and after years of putting up with it and expecting them to change, I just chose not to talk about it anymore. I asked them to read up on Depression and sent them websites. And then I told them if they want to call and see how I am doing that would be appreciated, but if they feel to comment or criticize that they are only making me worse. I also said 'Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to." It was hard for me but now I suffer in silence around them and they do call when they know they haven't seen me in a while. So lowering my expectations of them really helped me. It is sad that I had to do that. I have also asked them just not to comment if they don't have anything nice to say. Most people don't understand if they have never had real Depression.

I hope you will keep posting! And like Rachele said you might want to check out the other group too. I belong to several groups for different, yet overlapping issues.


01/27/2011 12:19 AM
PAINFUL90044
PAINFUL90044  
Posts: 3
Member

I THINK BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED FOR MY MOMS APPROVAL IN LIFE IT REALLY HURTS WHEN I CAN'T PLEASE HER. SO HER WORDS MAY NOT BE INTENDED TO BE HARSE BUT I LET HER KNOW YESTERDAY THAT THEY ARE AND THEY HURT NOT TO MENTION CAUSE ME MORE PAIN. SHE SEEMED TO BE UNDERSTANDING BUT THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN. AS FAR AS MY HUSBAND AND KIDS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM. MY KIDS BARELY EVER COME AROUND BECAUSE OF MY PAIN OR DEPRESSION. MY HUSBAND AND I LIVE TOGETHER AND HE TRIES TO UNDERSTAND. HE GETS FRUSTRATED AND STARTS TO HOLLER AT ME. IT'S NOT MY FAULT NOR IS IT MY CHOICE TO BE THIS WAY OR TO HAVE FIBROMYALGIA. WHY CAN'T THEY UNDERSTAND?

01/27/2011 02:16 AM
mem4809

I don't know what to say about your husband and kids. Do you complain a lot to them? Is it possible to try and focus conversations on them instead of your pain--if this is what is happening? I know it is very hard as when I don't feel good I don't stop talking about it with my husband and then I see he feels helpless so I try to stop.

01/27/2011 02:56 AM
Sylvia4648
Sylvia4648  
Posts: 5177
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Painful, I know exactly what you are saying. I don't, however, think I can add anything to what I said above about the futility of trying to describe depression to somebody who hasn't had it. The same goes for fibro. Also, you can google something like 'talking about depression'. I'm guessing there would be a lot of hits, and if you go thru them, there have to be some on this specific subject.

I'm sorry you're obviously not having a good night and that I don't have any magic words for you. I hope that you feel better. Please let us know how things go. We care. You are no longer alone.

Best, Sylvia


01/27/2011 11:58 AM
mitzigirl
mitzigirl  
Posts: 14127
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hello Painful it is nice to meet you hun. I do understand what you are saying because I do have Depression and Several Chronic Pain issues. I do not have fibro but lots of other things. I have found most people cannot really understand unless they have lived through it. Also over the past years as pain has gotten worse I have had to work on not talking about it to everyone all the time. Other people tend to lose patience and some just get tired of hearing it because they cannot do anything to fix us. It is good to have you here with us in our group though. We do understand how you feel. Also like the others said there are many other groups so feel free to check them out. I also belong to many because I have many different problems so all helps. Welcome to our group keep posting I look forward to getting to know you. Many Blessings!
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