Depression Support Group

Hi all - sorry for the negative post - I'm having a down day! I'm exhausted trying to pretend I'm ok to my family! Obviously they know I'm not exactly ok but I dont want to complain anytime anyone asks how I'm doing! I'm sick of feeling like this - I feel guilty for feeling so low - its like "what have I got to be miserable about?!" I have a lovely husband and 2 gorgeous healthy babies and still I'm exhausted and just want to curl up in bed! I really wish there was a magic cure for anxiety and depression - if Harry Potter could wave his magic wand for all of us - wouldnt that be great?!

Arrrgggghhhh! Dont mind me feeling sorry for myself! I hope everyone else is doing well! X

Don't feel bad about that Fairyqueen. I could have easily written your post. I too feel like crawling in bed and usually do afer dropping my kids at school. This time of year is rough, my depression and anxiety gets worse. I too have two beautiful kids and a husband who cares for me and I can't get a hold I why I'm depressed and want to crawl in bed yet I do. It's hard to keep putting on the act for people and pretending. You don't have to do that here. Let it out, believe me I understand and it's not just today it's been the whole month for me. Debated what to do next if it doesn't improve. Gosh I hate to have to change meds again. Hang in there and let us know how you make out today. Hugs for you, Rachele

Thanks Rachele - I went for a drive with my daughter (17mts) and we bought a potty for her and her brother. It was nice just having girly time with her. My son is very demanding of my attention - I'm hoping its just a phase cos he is constantly hanging off me! i think thats why I'm so tired! My eyes are all dry and bloodshot - I look like I'm on the booze all the time which of course I'm not! A hangover and 2 toddlers is not a good recipe! I hope you feel better and dont have to change meds - its not a nice process adjusting to new ones is it pet? Thanks for the post - its nice to let it all hang out with someone!

I'm glad you got out with your daughter a little. It's really hard having little ones as they are so needy of your time and energy. I have two but they are in school, 7 and 10. A boy and a girl also and they fight like cats and dogs. It can be exhausting too but I do get peaceful time while they are at school. The thing is I don't get to bed till late and with my anxiety and depression, I catch up on sleep during the day and don't get much of anything else done till they get home. If I have to work some evenings, I do that part time. It's important to carve some time out for yourself. If you have a family member who can give you an hour a day, they would be good. You need down time to regroup. Always here if you want to talk or share anytime. Hugs, Rach

Hi FQ, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. As Rach said, no apologies necessary. If we had to watch what we say on here, what would we do w/ all the feelings we can't express elsewhere?

You mentioned how difficult it is to change meds in your response to Rach. Does that mean you are on meds? Have you had any counseling? Either can help, but of course both are better. I agree that you need to find a way to make time for yourself. If there are no family members available for baby watching, can you find a teenager who'd like to make a few bucks coming for an hour or two after school? Maybe whoever was watching your son when you had your girly time w/ your daughter?

My kids are grown and have kids of their own, but when they were small, I used to go to the grocery when Daddy was home w/ them. I hate shopping, but it was my time to walk up and down the aisles and drift off when I needed to. And it was much better shopping w/o two toddlers grabbing things, and asking me to buy everything in sight. I also had a weekly Maj-Jongg group. We'd play at one another's homes. My ex used to say he knew how to play Maj: you say 2 crack, 3 bam and talk for an hour. And he wasn't far off. LOL The game was as much of a therapy group as it was a game. It was also a night w/o the kids.

The reason you feel depressed when your life looks perfect from the outside is that depression is a disease. Once we've had it, it can return at any time for any or no reason. The brain chemicals are out of order, and they tell us how we feel. I just wish they'd learn to be more positive.

I hope that things pick up for you. We are here to watch your back, so feel free to post whatever and whenever.

Best, Sylvia

Rachele - like you I sleep when I get the chance which is when my LO's sleep - so at night its difficult to drift off. But in my case as I'm sure is the same with you I grab my sleep whenever I can get it! Wow - I cant imagine my LO's being 7yrs and 10 yrs but it wont be long flying by! Can you believe we are TTC number 3 right now - it makes me wonder if I am completely crazy but the longing to complete my family is ever present!

Sylvia - thank you for you post - yes I am on 100mgs of Zoloft and .25mcgs of Xannax daily. I should be on 150 of zoloft but I have been sweating so badly on that dose that I went back to the 100mgs. I feel like my doctor thinks I am imagining things and dont like to make an issue out of my meds and side effects. I've tried 3 different types. I know from your posts that your doctor is wonderfully understanding! Mine is too but she is young and I dont like to keep asking her to change my meds - I know she really wants to help me- she has stitched me up for free when I have self harmed. She is a lovely young woman with a daughter the same age as my own. So I really feel a connectiomn with her. I think right now is just one of those difficult times that will pass/ Luckily the evenings are getting brighter and I will be able to hit the beach with my LO's in a couple of months! We are potty training right now which I am really nervous about so I think if I can get this right it will be a huge boost to my self esteem! I love grocery shopping too - well I dont love it but I do like the me time! DH and i take turns tho cos he is the chef in the house and likes to pick his own ingredients!

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me ladies - your posts have made me feel so much better! XXX

You are welcome Ava. I totally relate to reducing the dosage for sweats. I spent about ten years drenched all the time. I always looked like I just got out of the shower - with my clothes on. For awhile I thought I'd lose my mind if it didn't stop, and my doc and I couldn't figure out the cause. I now know that I have at least 4 conditions that can cause heavy sweating. But when I was in the hospital a couple of years ago some idiot doctor gave me over 30 meds for no conditions I had. There were a number of repercussions for all those drugs. Permanent brain damage, and few medical problems I didn't have before. But one of the conditions the meds caused was overactive bladder. You've probably read that I can take almost no meds. After a few months, I finally realized what was going on. I told Jim the wonder doc that I had to have an OAB med because I simply couldn't keep going every 15-30 minutes around the clock. And I couldn't sleep because the second time they illegally locked me up the treatment was so unbelievably cruel that I ended up w/ PTSD. So even if I wasn't going to the loo all day and all night, I couldn't sleep. Every time I lay down I started shaking, crying and having severe flashbacks. Jim and I went back and forth, and finally he ordered the OAB meds. We were both shocked that my system allowed them. I once told Jim that no matter what my overactive bladder does I NEVER want to give up that med. He said he'd prescribe it for as long as I wanted because it's not dangerous. The reason I love them is the main side effect is to cause less sweating. Now the only time I sweat is if it's actually hot.

But I think you'd have to have the condition for the doc to prescribe the meds. lol I'm glad you have a doc you relate to. Does she get annoyed when you ask for a med change? Also, you said your daughter is 17 months. How old is your son?

Finally, a tip my son used to potty train at least his oldest daughter. They told her if she used the potty she could call anyone she knew anywhere in the country. The first time she said Grandma right away. I answered the phone, and heard. 'I went pee pee in the potty TWO TIMES today, Grandma!.' I clapped and cheered and told her how proud I was and that she should watch her mailbox. Don't know if that would work for you or whether you can change it a bit to make it work, but Ash got trained pretty quickly.

Good luck w/ the training and finding time for yourself. Please keep us updated.

Cheers, Sylvia

Congrats Ava, you are expected number 3 or working on number 3? I believe I'm done with having kids. I'll be 41 next month, not sure I am up for anymore than I the ones I already have. They are wonderful kids. Just with having chronic insomnia, depression and anxiety I feel so tired all the time. Keep in touch with us, Rachele

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 01/10/2011 06:06 PM

Hi Rachele - we are working on number 3 for the last year but we've decided to really really try this month lol! I really hope it happens. Its strange that you and I got chatting cos I was only saying to DH that if it was a girl I really like the name Rachele! He was laughing cos its his ex girlfriends sisters name! I guess he thought I wouldn't want a reminder lol!

Sylivia - what are OAB meds? I'm glad you've found something that works for you - the sweats are the pits arent they?! I felt so disgusting and I could see people looking at me - they probably thought I was some sort of addict!

Good luck on trying. I did the Ovulation Predictor test to make sure I knew the time if you ovulate regularly it helps. That's funny about the name but I guess if it would remind you of his ex girlfriend than might not be a good choice, unless it doesn't bother you.