I am in a sexless marriage. I dont know how to get through my husband at all. I tried talking, compromsing, threats, etc. He doesnt show emotions or tells me he loves me. I am wondering if he does. It's been almost 5 weeks since we made love. I dont know what to do anymore. I am holding out until after the holidays before looking into a separation. I dont want to do this but I also do not want to live in this type of marriage. I want to feel attracted to my husband. Our time keeps getting pushed aside and when I suggest sex during midday, he says no. I never encounter a guy like this at all. I feel like I am not a priority anymore and that I am just there as a buddy. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I dont want to go through a divorce but I also dont want to live this way. I have a lot of thinking to do. Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the group. I have been where you're at in my marriage. I know with my hubby things were just too stressful in his life with his job and my problems. We actually went 8 months w/o because of his 10 hour days and his pre-occupation with other things. I guess what i'm saying is maybe it's not you, maybe it's stuff he's going through.

I would most definately try talking to him real softly and letting him know that you are there for him if he is going through something. Maybe tell him "You can tell me anything" "you are my best friend as well as my husband".

Just suggestions....you might be surprised by what he tells you....it gives him the option of opening up if he thinks it's safe with you.

Good luck. I hope things get back on track for you.

there are a lot of factors that could be in play here. age, work/stress, health, etc. many of which men will not talk to their partner about. partially because they may be embarrassed and partially because men feel they are the protectors and don't want their partner to worry. little do they know their silence does the exact opposite.

i do know what you are feeling though. for years my hubby couldn't keep his hands off me. but during the past 2 or 3 years we are lucky to make love 3 or 4 times a year. i know the thoughts that run through a persons mind when this happens. i thought my weight had been the prob. i lost weight and it made no difference. i also changed my wardrobe, cut my hair, changed my attitude when with him for the better (i.e., hiding my problems), i did everything in my power. none of it worked. i finally did some serious thinking about the importance of sex to me. it wasn't really the missing sex that bothered me, it was the closeness. i talked to my husband in a different way when i realized that. told him how i felt undesirable, that he no longer loved me, etc. but when i talked to him it was calmly and without accusations or guilt. he explained certain things about his health, nothing drastic, that affected his labido. he has now become very affectionate all the time, not just when in bed, which turned out to be what i needed most anyway.

sorry for rambling on. i just want to impress upon you that all relationships go through this at one point or other. do you really want to through away a marriage just because of sex or lack thereof? if you truly love your husband, he is not abusive, etc. you really should make sure you have tried absolutely everything before thinking of leaving. and when you believe you have tried everything, search again, chances are you haven't.

P.S. btw, i am not a religious person so this advice comes soley from experience, not from doctrine mandating preservation of marriage vows.

Believe me, I am thinking long and hard about the ramifications. Plus I wouldnt just leave, I would tell him what I am thinking/doing beforehand.

i wish i could offer you some wonderful advice the best i can do is to tell you that my husband finally agreed to counceling

however it is all about communication without the ability to talk a relationship dies

i am hear for you and your in my thoughts

So I tried it out after I thought it out and HEY it worked. Now we are back to being content and fulfilled in our relationship.