Depression Support Group

Post edited by: SepC, at: 01/15/2011 09:26 PM

Shucks SepC, I just responded to your post saying you are feeling better. Hope that part is still w/ you. As for your mom, who knows why parents (and kids) do anything? My mother will be dead 24 years in January, and there are still odd moments when I do something and hear her, for example, asking me what I think the neighbors will say. Never mind that when she was still alive that was one of the issues we actually worked out. I told her when the neighbors started supporting us, then I'd worry about what they'd say, but since they weren't supporting us, I didn't give a damn what the neighbors said and didn't want to hear that question again.

Still, at odd moments, she's right in my head w/ some other stupid issue she never let go when she was alive.

I'm sure that doesn't help very much. One thing I just remembered. My mom, too, would 'hit' (not literally) when I was over-stressed. Maybe they think we'll listen to what they're telling us to do just because they think we've already got so much on our backs that we'll comply just to get THEM off our backs. Maybe your mother is stressed and is actually in some bizarre way trying to make sure you do your school work so you'll finish school and move out. (Kidding - I think.) I used to tell my kids when they hit 18 they were out, and if they wanted to come back home they should remember that they also had a father w/ a home - tho at that time his 'home' was a small efficiency in Manhattan; and they knew that I was kidding.

I hope we hear more of the good news SepC. And good luck w/ calming your mom. I rarely succeeded, but I hope you can get thru what she's bugging you about.

Let us know how you do w/ your mom.

Regards, Sylvia

Post edited by: Sylvia4648, at: 11/19/2010 01:19 PM

Thanks Sylvia. Oddly, or not, I'm 26 and have not lived at home for about 4 years. I'm not sure if our relationship has gotten better since I moved out, or worse. Sometimes it seems like it's gotten worse. I wonder what post you read to which I said I was feeling better. Must be an old post lol. I was just on the phone w/ a friend who said mom's were designed to stress us out, and that's to get back at us for all the trouble we caused when we were younger. Granted that made me laugh, I certainly don't believe that's the reason why. Thanks for the good luck. I might call her this evening to hopefully calmly talk about things, but this is only after taking my Seroquel lol because Seroquel def. takes the edge off. But I don't know, I might wait until tomorrow.

You're welcome SepC. Again I'm sorry for misunderstanding what you said about feeling better. I never knew if my relationship w/ my mom got better or worse after I moved out either. If I wanted to think about it, I'd probably decide that it didn't really change except that I was too far away for her dreck to bother me as much as when I was still at home w/ her. For most of the first three years after I was married we lived in Germany. Phone calls to and from the States at that time were $4 per minute. Obvioulsy she couldn't afford to be as much of a pain. She tried in letters and on audio tapes we sent back and forth, but it wasn't the same as her actually saying her unbearably controlling garbage to me. I do know that when I told her I was getting divorced, the first thing out of her mouth was to ask when I was coming home. I told her that I was home - I live here. I often said that Cincinnati (where I was born and raised until I got married at 21) was not big enough for the two of us. All kidding aside, my father died when I was 3, and I didn't want to take my kids so far that they couldn't see their father on weekends. He worked in Manhattan, so he found an efficiency there, and I've lived in central Jersey (including the last years of my marriage)since 1978. An hour by train.

Going thru my mom's apartment after she died, I came across things that make me feel that we never had any kind of honest relationship. So much of what she told me was pure fiction. That hurt more than her coming at me at the wrong times.

I do hope that you are able to work things out w/ your mom so that you won't feel so miserable about your relationship. Good luck, and please let us know how things go.

Cheers, Sylvia

Hi SepC, I just think some people just don't get it whay it's like to be in our heads. To struggle with depression and insomnia and still try to be as functional as we can. For me that person whom you doesn't understand is not my mom but my husband but I think we may all have a person in our life who doesn't get it and I know for me I find it upsetting and frustrating when I'm trying so hard and feel knocked down by comments from a supposed loved one. Hope you know we are here for you. You are doing a great thing for yourself in accomplishing college which is not easy. One day you will be done with college and then living on your own and you will then be proud. Thinking of you, hugs Rachele

Thanks Peace. I'm sorry to hear your husband is this way =/ I'm graduating this upcoming May 2011, so roughly 5-6 more months. But why does everyone think I live at home? Hehe, I guess because I'm in college...I've been out on my own about 4 years now. I lived solo for a year and a half....acquired one roommate...and now I have two roommates =)

Sorry Sep C, I think I read your last reply wrong. I read that you were living with your mom the past 4 years. Cool, you are graduating! Well you got 2 roomates but I suppose a mom or someone else as close as family could have that affect. It's ok about my husband. He just don't get it. Lucky for him I suppose, he worries about little and I worry enoough for the both of us.