|
|
|
jsrdrnr Posts: 1926
Senior Member
|
I am suck in a dilemma. I am in the middle of depression. I am having all those bad thoughts. I am alone (except for my two month old baby) right now. I dont feel like I should be alone right now because of all my thoughts but there is not anyone to be with me at the moment. I also dont know how bad I really am. I am just sitting here at the computer in order to not move around too much. I know that I need something to keep my attention till someone can be with me but that is hard. I dont want a babysitter either. I just need someone around. I know that there are some of you out there that can relate. I am sorry for my vagueness but I am still not sure what we really can and cannot say on the forums. Thanks for listening. My best day is worse than the worst day you have ever imagined.
|
|
Reply |
|
|
|
zeethrewme Posts: 95
Member
|
you need to hang in there. i am a mother too. you might be a victim of circumstance but please do not make your daughter a victim for any reason. if you are feeling alone and feel like you do need someone there right now, then maybe you should call someone, perhaps maybe you and your daughter can go to the mall and walk around, That helps me alot, Even if you dont buy something, just walk around walmart or something, Get out of your house so you are not alone, you may email me if you would like to talk. luvz |
|
|
|
|
|
Chanda Posts: 2137
VIP Member
|
Hang in there! Keep us update on how u feel and whats going on. Thinking and praying for u!!! I am not a Doctor, just a person who experiences panic and anxiety and Im here to try to help people and also learn from them also. ;)
Check out my blog about panic and anxiety, I try to write in it daily, This site has helped me. And the Programs on the top, sides, and bottom! NO MORE ANXIETY & PANIC!!
http://paniccure123.blogspot.com
If you ever need me & im not on here, try my yahoo IM- Babygirlluv1978, my myspace is or also www.myspace.com/BabyGirlLuv1978 and facebook under Chanda Miller, I play pogo alot at pogo.com, my name is cdm62108
**************************************************
**** I HAVE PICTURES, I LOVE PICS.!!!****
**************************************************
*Cast all you anxiety on (God), because he cares for you. I Peter 5:7
*I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.- Phil 4:13
*So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10
*For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. - Isaiah 41:13
*"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6
*Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.- Psalm 23:4
[IMG]http://i36.tinypic.com/2nqquc5.jpg[/IMG] |
|
|
|
|
|
jsrdrnr Posts: 1926
Senior Member
|
Thanks for the replies. I just kept busy on the computer till my hubby came home. I am so frustrated b/c no one understands what I am feeling. No one can see how I am so unhappy. I so want to be happy but I just cannot flip a switch and cut off unhappy and cut on happy. I wish I could. I am supposed to be going to see my therapist tomorrow. I dont really want to b/c I am afraid but I still know that I should. Thanks so much for being here and letting me vent. My best day is worse than the worst day you have ever imagined. |
|
|
|
|
|
AndysCandi
|
Hi jsrdrnr, I know the paralyzing feeling of depression. It is so debilitating. It's like if you move you feel like you will fall deeper into depression. Try to go outside and get some fresh air. Then go back inside and journal every thought and feeling you can think of relating to your situation and then write a brief paragraph on how you would like to feel. Tomorrow, share this information with your therapist. Feel better :o) Know we are here for you. |
|
|
|
|
|
dreamsofinsomnia Posts: 1719
VIP Member
|
I can offer my ears to listen. Have you thought perhaps you have post partem depression. Remember that child needs you. Everytime i start feeling that way i think of my daughter. I know that feeling of not wanting a sitter just wanting someone near Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
contact me on yahoo messenger under jennyleuchtman |
|
|
|
|
|
jsrdrnr Posts: 1926
Senior Member
|
My daughter is really the only thing that keeps me going. I want to keep going for my Hubbie too but it is so hard. He is the source of some of my pain. I just want to be better. Some of my depression may be post pardem but I have suffered from depression since I was a child. This weekend was a very hard weekend. I stayed in bed all the time except to take care of my daughter. She is so special to me. I love her so much. I dont want her to suffer because of me. That is why I feel that she would be better off without me. I am so messed up and cannot do for her as I should (or so I feel). I stayed in bed mostly because at least that way I could not hurt myself. I so want to be better. I go to see my therapist tomorrow. I just dont want to end up in the hospital. I hate that place. I never want to go back. That thought is also a bit of motivation for me. I just want to get better. I just dont know what else to do. I will try to go outside and do something. I am alone again right now. I do have my daughter here with me so it is easier to deal with but I am just so scared. My best day is worse than the worst day you have ever imagined. |
|
|
|
|
|
Chanda Posts: 2137
VIP Member
|
Im feeling the same way lately. This is sucks. Hopefully your therapist can give you some ideas too. Until then, tell yourself u r ok, tell urself u wanna live for u babygirl, write downb ur thoughts in a journal, do relaxation exercises. Look up/ google other ways that can help. Hang in there and Im here if u need to talk. I am not a Doctor, just a person who experiences panic and anxiety and Im here to try to help people and also learn from them also. ;)
Check out my blog about panic and anxiety, I try to write in it daily, This site has helped me. And the Programs on the top, sides, and bottom! NO MORE ANXIETY & PANIC!!
http://paniccure123.blogspot.com
If you ever need me & im not on here, try my yahoo IM- Babygirlluv1978, my myspace is or also www.myspace.com/BabyGirlLuv1978 and facebook under Chanda Miller, I play pogo alot at pogo.com, my name is cdm62108
**************************************************
**** I HAVE PICTURES, I LOVE PICS.!!!****
**************************************************
*Cast all you anxiety on (God), because he cares for you. I Peter 5:7
*I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.- Phil 4:13
*So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10
*For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. - Isaiah 41:13
*"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6
*Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.- Psalm 23:4
[IMG]http://i36.tinypic.com/2nqquc5.jpg[/IMG] |
|
|
|
|
|
jsrdrnr Posts: 1926
Senior Member
|
Still not doing really well. I focus all my energy on my little one and that is still hard. I get so frustrated so easily. I dont want her to suffer b/c of my emotional state. It is not fair to her. I do my best to stay calm but calmness is just hard to find. I go to my therapist today so hopefully we can come up with something. At least maybe the talking will be good. I just want to be well. I dont know what it means to not feel depressed. I just have to keep going somehow. My best day is worse than the worst day you have ever imagined. |
|
|
|
|
|
Chanda Posts: 2137
VIP Member
|
Hang in there, hopefully ur therapist will help! Let me know how it goes!  I am not a Doctor, just a person who experiences panic and anxiety and Im here to try to help people and also learn from them also. ;)
Check out my blog about panic and anxiety, I try to write in it daily, This site has helped me. And the Programs on the top, sides, and bottom! NO MORE ANXIETY & PANIC!!
http://paniccure123.blogspot.com
If you ever need me & im not on here, try my yahoo IM- Babygirlluv1978, my myspace is or also www.myspace.com/BabyGirlLuv1978 and facebook under Chanda Miller, I play pogo alot at pogo.com, my name is cdm62108
**************************************************
**** I HAVE PICTURES, I LOVE PICS.!!!****
**************************************************
*Cast all you anxiety on (God), because he cares for you. I Peter 5:7
*I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.- Phil 4:13
*So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10
*For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. - Isaiah 41:13
*"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6
*Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.- Psalm 23:4
[IMG]http://i36.tinypic.com/2nqquc5.jpg[/IMG] |
|
Reply |
|
