Depression Support Group

I just found out that I am sick. Since she left last Saturday, I've been vomiting blood. I went to the doctor on Sunday and they took some xrays. Today they told me there is a spot on my stomach and that it doesn't look like an ulcer. I'm so scared. I cried for my wife at the doctor's office. I just wanted her to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be ok. But she wasn't there.

My wife texted me last night with "Thinking of you and smiling." Then she called me later last night and we had a really good conversation. I was feeling good again. Then I texted her this morning with "Good Morning. Hope you are having a good day." I didn't here anything all day from her. Then at 3 she calls and starts yelling at me that I lied to her about something with the health insurance - that I said she couldn't find a doctor up by her parents. Honestly, I don't remember saying anything about that. I told her maybe it was a misunderstanding. She told me that everything I had told her on Friday was a bunch of BS, that I was probably hiding money from her (that came from her father). Then she hung up on me. I called and told her that was the most hurtful thing she ever said to me. She called back 10 minutes later and was much calmer. I also told her about my stomach. She said that she wants to come home, but her head is telling her that she is going to get hurt again. I told her that's why I'm giving her the space she needs. That I wasn't going anywhere and she could take her time.

But what I didn't tell her is ...that I really want my baby. I just need to hold her right now. That I don't want to go through this by myself.

Hi Confused, I know the feeling well. Being homebound I don't have anyone to hug except for delivery men, a few friends who stop by now and then, and there are days I cry from just being alone.

I think it would be a good idea to tell your wife you are frightened and would like her to be there for you while you're going thru tests and such to find out what is wrong. But it would be good if you phrase it in some way that she can say no if that's what she wants.

I also think that the ups and downs have to do w/ her parents. It's a shame that she can't see that a 34 year old doesn't need parents to know how she feels.

Finally I think you are going to have to find a way not to let yourself go up and down so much w/ her moods. I realize that's a lot harder than it sounds, but you are driving yourself deeper and deeper into depression by letting her parents control YOUR feelings along w/ hers.

As I've said before, your situation is sad. I hope that it gets straight one of these days.

Take care of yourself. And please let us know what they find. We care.

Best, Sylvia

Hi Confused, So sorry to hear you are sick. I'm sure they'll be doing more tests to get to the bottom of it. Oftentimes the worrying is the hardest part. Once you know what's going on and get it treated it'll be much better.

I'm also sorry for the anguish you have been going through with your wife. It is a complicated situation considering her bipolar and her parents influence. It sounds like she is very confused. When you speak to her, does it feel like a bipolar cycle? I was just thinking that if that were the case you should let her know you are there, but maybe avoid contact. If she is manic, it would be wise to wait it out.

All the stress of the whole situation is now affecting your health. I know how difficult it must be to be going through this alone, but I know you will do it.

I wish I could give you a real hug and I really hope this resolves itself soon.

Warm hugs,

Pam

Hi Everyone, the thing is that she is the one to initiate the contact. I have told her many times that I am giving her the space she needs, to take her time and not rush such a permanent decision. I also told her that am here for her, that I am not going to abandon her. I say this because I know she not getting any support from her parents. Like tonight she called about an hour ago. At first she was getting really angry. I just told her I'm giving her space, etc. etc. She started crying and said she just doesn't want to be hurt again, that she misses me, etc. Then she said she had to lay down. I just reminded her I am here for her no matter what. I know that if she really looks in her heart she knows I would not purposely hurt her. Yes, it's just a messed up situation. I just feel so bad that she is hurting and that her parents are treating her like this. But part of me is selfish too and needs her here with me. I always said we could make it through anything together. I knew if she just held my hand I could have the courage to face this.

I'm sorry to hear you are sick confused. As someone with intestinal problems myself I know who scary things like that can be and stress never helps it. I had my routine bloodwork done 2 months ago and something showed up on it indicating an intestional infection that could be assoicated with ulcers. So that has me concerned and I know how it feels.

I think you said the right thing to your wife but just letting her know you are here and to take her time. Try to take care of you right now. Hope you will feel better. Hugs, Rachele

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 11/02/2010 06:26 AM

Hi Everyone. Just got a call from my ex-wife this morning. She said she feels suicidal and like she is going to have a breakdown. She asked to go in the hospital, which is probably what she needs. The only problem is she uses a walker due to her neuropathy and all of the hospitals except for one won't accept her because of that. And the one that does is full. Just please say a prayer or a good thought for my wife. I would really appreciate it.

Hey Confused I am so sorry to hear on top on everything else that you are having health problems going on also. THat does not surprise me as upset and stressed as you have been it takes a toll on your body. I do hope and pray that your wife can get some in-patient treatment then maybe she will be able to make some decisions and not feel she needs to listen to her parents at her age. Even if she has to go to one of the hospital that won't allow her walker they will help get her around and treat her. I use a wheelchair all the time and do not walk only transfer and when I go to our hospital here they will not let me bring my wheelchair but they will make sure they make it to where I can transfer and help me with my special needs. For now as hard as it is you have to take care of yourself too and find out what is causing your problem or you will not be of any help to her when she does need you the most. Just know we are here for you and keep yourself as well as possible. Many blessings to you! And you and your wife are in my prayers!

Hi Confused, I hope that they can make some arrangements for your wife as Viv said. That would probably be the best thing for her right now.

How are you feeling physically? Do you have more tests coming up? I, too, really hope you will look after yourself through all this.

I will keep both you and your wife in my prayers.

Warm hugs, Pam

Thanks for your prayers. Well after 4 hours in the emergency room they finally admitted her. I'm just relieved that she is in a place right now where there is no one to pressure her and she can deal with what she needs to deal with. Apparently she was planning to commit suicide. She said she was just tired of trying to make a decision with her dad pressuring her like he was. I could see her moods bouncing around while we were in the emergency room. But right now I just want her to get the treatment that she needs.

Hi Confused, I'm glad that your wife is safe in a place where she can hopefully get the help she needs w/o the pressure from her father. I'm sure that makes you feel safer also. Please let us know how both of you are coming along.

Regards, Sylvia