Depression Support Group

I haven't been on here much lately... Been trying to do stuff to help me feel better and even though I'm getting physically stronger and fit, I'm still having bouts of crying and sadness. It's been almost three months since my ex amputated me out of her life and I know she was not the best person for me... I loved her though.

I am releived my lupus has not acted up in a month and that I have such good friends.... I am sad about how my 4 year relationship ended... I'm sad it even ended... I beleived her when she said she loved me and she'd always be here for me. I don't know if it was her or the alcohol that ended things... From the beginning I saw her drinking problem but, even if I said I didn't like it she would brush it off or say don't worry about it, it's not that much.

I feel so tired from this, so tired that this has happened. Today is a down day.... I spoke to a good friend and she helped me out of my spell. Then I went for a walk with my dog in a park and spoke to another friend. He told me maybe she felt you were better off without her and maybe after awhile things will work out. I can't see how, it's been three months... I am totally cut off and we live in different states. I have convinced myself she is wrong for me besides the drinking... the relationship was lop sided, I gave, she took... I went there, she didn't want to come here and let her show me my city. I feel so burned.

Then the other day I thought that she has someone new sitting in my seat... someone else has taken my place. If she could delete me that quickly, then she could assimilate someone new into her life.

I know what she does is none of my business now, as what I do is not any business of hers.

I am handling this in a mature manner... I never loved any one so much... Never wanted to give so much or have so much with someone... She even said we could buy a house next year together.

It's funny, I have let go of obsessing and now I am really grieving... I hope this will end soon. I pray to God for my pain and grief to be over soon. I have a gratitude list, I do my affirmations, when I am well I do what I can and I pray.

Her breaking things off was just a part of the problem.. the other part is that I am still here, still in a place I don't want to be in. I am in a house with my mother, father and brother and growing up they were very abusive... my brother even raped me multiple times and my mother and father allowed these things to continue while they beat me on a regular basis. I'm only here because my father needed someone to care for him and I was able to be here when they needed me... a huge mistake to have come back here... I was kicked out at 17 then after my mother was so sorry in my mid twenties I tried to forgive... I have saved my fathers life, more than once... he would have died on more than one occasion and the last time something happened my mother was there with me and he was going, I could see it and my mother did not want me to call 911 or the doctor, She wanted me to let him be... to let him die there. Things are even more strained now with her... between what happened with my father... she also said I stayed because I wanted to... she said she was doing all the work around here, did all the errands and made the phone calls and wrote the letters. I am so depleted from everything that has happened in the last three months and I am desperate to get out...

I made a friend on this site and lost her so quickly, I am very sad about it. I really related to her... and now we don't speak anymore.

I am praying for a miracle and I pray for healing and love.

Thanks you for your taking your time to read this,

~Romy

I will be praying for you, you sound very down. Have you been going to therapy? With the loss of your GF , its almost like losing someone completely. Did your father pass away? you said you made all the arrangements, you have been under so much stress, it wouldn't hurt to speak to a therapist.

You have and are still grieving over a lost love and then your Father, thats a lot for anyone to handle. I will be praying for you sweety. Things have to get better, but if you lost your a parent as well this may take some time to process.

Angel Hugs and many prayers

Patty

I understand exactly how you feel, but the learning lesson here, is to learn, you cannot fix in others, what was not fixed by another in yourself. You understand what you lacked, and made up for it, as your own parents, in that part of your life.

By seeing others who need help, we think of them accepting help, the way we would, and they do not.

Everything is a learning lesson, and this stepping stone in your life is huge.

You pored alot of energy into a situation that your energy was wasted. Don't let this step in life change who you are. Bring yourself back to you. "YOU", were lost in all that, who was there for you when you were playing mommy to a wayward child?

I get it, and I am sorry you are grieving, but you do have to make sense of the nonsense before you can move on, I get that too.

Be the beautiful self that "you" are, and focus on people that are genuine in spirit, and morals and moral, that's what you need. A team player. Both parties helping each other, not one doing all the work, and it going to waste.

You need to reenergize. So do it, in your world of beauty, and realize your talents, need to be used on the deserving, those that appreciate you.

Then you will be fulfilled.

I'm a caregiver and understand this situation so much. I buried alot of memories to the point I totally erase them. I keep those that appreciated my help.

Hugs,

dd

I don't understand how you know that your ex has someone else 'in your chair' since you said you live in different states. I'm confused (tho lately it doesn't take much to confuse me).

Is there anyway you could get a job - even part time - and start saving so you can move out of your parents' house? It sounds like therapy, meds and a change of venue could all help you.

Please take care of yourself, Romy, and let us know how things are going. We do care.

Good luck w/ everything.

Sylvia

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 09/04/2010 07:50 PM

I am feeling very tired right now and going to sleep in a few, I hope to wake up feeling better... Your words have already made me comforted.

My father did not pass away, he would have if I did not make the phone call... My mother would not pick up the phone and she wanted me not to as well. He is doing so much better now, he's alive and kicking, practically vibrant for an 87 year old.

I don't know whether or not my ex has a new girlfriend or not... It just wouldn't surprise me... and the thought of it hurt... itleft me feeling weird too. I don't feel envy or jealousy so it was a feeling I did not want nor expected.

I am seeing a therapist.. twice a week, I am so grateful for that... I have an appointment in two weeks to see a psychiatrist about possibly taking medication.

I am going to sleep, I hope tomorrow is better for everyone.

Thank you all,

~Romy

Keep at it, Honey. You are being kind to yourself and doing everything I can think of to help yourself.

Keep us posted. Have a good night's sleep.

Sylvia

A warm welcome to you Palecowboy. Rachele