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jenisilly80 Posts: 13
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Good morning everyone, I had an interesting thought this weekend, that I feel invisible. I can sit at my desk and cry a little and nobody will notice as long as I don't say anything. Does anybody else feel invisible then? My husband just lets me be when I'm depressed and still thinks I need to toughen up. If I wasn't so damn tough I would be dead, thank you! When I'm manic he loves it until I go over the top and spend too much (for example). When I'm around my daughter I keep such a tight lid on things that when I'm hyper and depressed I feel as if I'm going to physically explode and bleed over everything. Does anybody know what I mean?
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patty777
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Hi Jen Its ok to cry, even if its in public. Not a full blown out cry, unless it was something very serious. But a tear or two drops from my eyes every hour, and I dont care what anyone thinks. I want to be left alone during those times instead of answering questions. So Dont be invisible, just use kleenex. When I get severe, like feel like Im going to explode, I do go to a private place because I couldnt bear anyone for putting me down for it. Hope that helps some God Bless Patty |
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Sylvia4648 Posts: 5140
Group Leader
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Hi Jen, I am sorry that I can't say I understand what you're describing. That may be because I am severely depressed but not manic. I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry that you are feeling as you are. Whether I understand or not, I can feel that you are miserable and I hope things get better. Do you see a therapist and or take meds? I'd suggest one or both. As for the crying, THAT I understand. I was seeing a psychologist about 25 years ago. He gave me a 30+ page pamphlet. It had to do w/ Adult Children of Alcoholics. I told him my mom was not alcoholic, and as far as I know neither was my dad, but he died when I was 3, so who knows? He said that I'd grown up w/ my grandfather in the house and HE drank, so maybe I would realte to something in there. I started reading, and before I finished the first page I started crying like a baby and couldn't stop - for a month. The shrink had given me this pamphlet to read while he was out of town - so there I was crying my eyes out, having no idea what made me cry, and he was gone. I finally called his office and asked to speak w/ another therapist. She told me to go to Al-Anon. I told her whatever was making me cry had nothing to do w/ anyone's drinking because I didn't know anyone who drank and my grandfather had been dead for many years. She just kept telling me to go. A friend took me to meetings every night; and every night I sat there crying my eyes out and having no idea what I was doing there. To this day I've no idea what in that pamphlet made me cry for a month, but I learned a lot in Al-Anon and later in ACOA meetings. Fortunately I had a wonderful boss. He left me at home to cry, paying my full salary the entire time. Take such good care. Sylvia 'I didn't have time to write a short [post].' Mark Twain wrote that one for me. LOL
'Wisdom is knowing when you can't be wise.'
'Life is what's happening while we are busy making other plans.'
NOTE: I can't imagine anyone is surprised that distracted driving has overtaken drunk driving as the number one cause of death on the road. Please, y'all, keep your eyes sharp when you drive. The guy in the next car could be on a computer in the dash board (whoever dreamed that up should have to watch autopsies), while the one behind you is texting. It's important to be aware of those around you. The kid who ended my second to last life was in a huge SUV and on the telephone.
I am not a medical practitioner. I speak only from personal experience. Please do not interpret anything I say as medical advice. |
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Irishangel88 Posts: 4934
VIP Member
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It's kinda like a volcano inside of you, right? The pressure just builds and builds and builds and builds till you literally explode. I have experience with that, although i used to explode with anger and rage. I found the key to lessening that pressure was to find little healthy outlets that allow me to get something out. What are your healthy outlets? Maybe it's something you can do in the moment, maybe it's something you can think of in the moment, like a happy memory that will make you able to breathe a little? Diamonds are only made under extreme pressure. So let's sparkle baby :)
She looked in the mirror and thought today....what happened to miss no longer afraid?
Kelly Clarkson- "Miss Independent"
"If you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe
I am not a doctor, and I don't take referrals :) |
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Peace4Rach Posts: 8899
Group Leader
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Jen, when I feel invisable it what I call being in a room full of people and feeling all by myself. It's what I feel inside some days. On the outside I look totally normal, some even think I look happy but they don't see the tears inside because they are invisable. Don't know if that's what you mean. Take a deep breath or two. It's ok to cry afterwards. Hugs, Rachele Having the courage to walk step by step each day.
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind always be on your back.
May the sun lie warm upon your face.
And until we meet again,
May the Lord hold you
In the hollow of His hand.
Im loving memory of my mom, 2007: My hero, The Wind Beneath My Wings
Peace4Rach-Bereavement and Depression Group Leader
PS: I am one of you and hurt too. Not a medical doctor, so be sure to check with a professional for medical or expert advice. |
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mitzigirl Posts: 11722
Group Leader
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Hey Jen It is nice to meet you. My name is Viv and I can relate to what you mean. I think alot of us feel invisible at times I know I do esp. when I am depressed no matter how many are around I feel alone. And like your husband saying toughen up that had nothing to do with anything your depressed that does not mean your not tough my goodness. People who do not have depression does not understand what we go through with it. Hang in there cry if you need to there is nothing wrong with that. Many Blessings to you. Keep us posted how you are doing we really care. Hugs and Blessings,
Viv
Live everyday as if it might be your last.
Let go and Let God!!!
Be Kind and Compassionate to others.
Understand life can be hard but you can survive it!
Good Friends make all the difference in the World.
Even though I am a leader of depression, OCD and MRSA I am just like the rest of you..I have the problems. I have no medical training. |
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jbuck Posts: 54
Member
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Hi Jen, I'm Jamie. I feel invisible all the time. Lonely even when I'm surrounded by people in a crowded place. Or even with my family at home. But the fact that all of us are still strong enough to live with depression and try to get out of it, really says so much. We feel so hopeless and wanna give up all the time, yet we are still here. Let's all give ourselves credit for that. Who knows why we're hangin on, but we are. We understand you Jen. You're in my thoughts.  -Jamie xo jbuck |
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Sylvia4648 Posts: 5140
Group Leader
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Hi Jamie and welcome to our depression support group. I really have nothing to add to all that's been said, but wanted to say hi to you. You have joined a warm, loving, nonjudgmental family, so feel free to post whatever and whenever. We are all here for each other. I often feel this group is what keeps me going, and I've made wonderful friends here, as I'm sure you will also. In spite of the circumstances, it's nice to have you w/ us and hope you find comfort here. Warm welcoming wishes, Sylvia 'I didn't have time to write a short [post].' Mark Twain wrote that one for me. LOL
'Wisdom is knowing when you can't be wise.'
'Life is what's happening while we are busy making other plans.'
NOTE: I can't imagine anyone is surprised that distracted driving has overtaken drunk driving as the number one cause of death on the road. Please, y'all, keep your eyes sharp when you drive. The guy in the next car could be on a computer in the dash board (whoever dreamed that up should have to watch autopsies), while the one behind you is texting. It's important to be aware of those around you. The kid who ended my second to last life was in a huge SUV and on the telephone.
I am not a medical practitioner. I speak only from personal experience. Please do not interpret anything I say as medical advice. |
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"What MD Junction means to me is a place where i can feel like im not alone. As someone with something as rare as hydrocephalus, it feels like im the only one in the world with it. When i came to MD, its like everyone has it. It doesnt feel like im alone. And that people need to hold up a sign to say what i have, because people know. And they understand. I can get questions answered from people who have been through it rather than from doctors or people who only can tell you from a physical standpoint. THat is what MD junction means to me." (tomboykimi)
