MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
02/24/2010 11:10 PM

Writing People Out of Your Life

Gemma06
Gemma06Posts: 285
Member

So, if someone makes your life horrible, why keep them in it? My Grandparents have been total assholes my whole entire life and I have always had to deal with it. I'm 18 now, almost 19. Why should I continue to put up with it??

I'm adopted and just met my biological Aunt and cousins last week. My Grandparents randomly showed up today and I was somewhat telling them about it. There was this one part where I was telling them how me and my cousin fell asleep on the couch watching a movie and they asked if we were "friendly" and kissing. Who the fuck says that!? Then they were asking about my biological Grandparents as if they're my new ones and they're nothing now. That is exactly how I would like it to be and it seems like it may be a mutual feeling.

Is it horrible if I just write them out of my life or should I just keep dealing with it? I feel like I'm going to explode one of these next times and say or do something that I'll never be able to take back so maybe I should just cut the ties and be done with it. I hate them. I pretty much always have and probably always will. It's sad but true. I love my new family just as much as my old family. I will always have the both of them and if the grandparent can't handle that then maybe it's just time to say "goodbye." I think it was time a long time ago but now it just that much more necessary.

Reply

02/24/2010 11:27 PM
patty777

Hi

It sounds like some jealousy is going on. Your adopted Grandparents may love you very much and feel left out now. Not sure ,it depends on your relationship you had with them before your new family came into your life now.

You dont have to write them off, just take a little break and maybe give them time to get adjusted to the situation too.

It does sound difficult to deal with, but time will heal and things should be better in your future.

I sure hope it all works out for the best

Caring

Patty


02/24/2010 11:35 PM
Gemma06
Gemma06Posts: 285
Member

I wish I could say that we had a great relationship before but we didn't. I have always hated them. And I'm pretty sure they've never been too fond of me. My Grandma for example, would always tell me that I was going to grow up to be an alcoholic hooker with a bunch of kids and no one to help or love me. And my Grandpa would say something like, "I would never put anyone in my Will who wasn't blood. Oh, except you haha." This is just kinda the last straw with me. They've never made me cry. Ever. And now, I'm sitting here on my couch crying and just so frustrated and mad that I don't know what to do with myself. Or them for that matter.

02/24/2010 11:45 PM
bits
bits  
Posts: 10865
VIP Member

Well, that was some cruel remarks made by your adoptive grandparents.

Do you get along with your adoptive parents?

How sad for family to act this way.

I wish you well dear and patty has some good suggestions...just put some distance between you and see how that works out.

I have family memebers that I love but cannot be around them.

Gentle hugs


02/25/2010 01:49 AM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
VIP Member

Writing people out of your life is a hard decision but one that needs to be made after time and thought. It hurts to have to do it with famiy members but the judge can be how much it is negatively affecting you and if it is, it is a consideration. You may want to take a break from them and see if that works first. If with the break, you still feel the same, it's you're decsion. Sometimes we have to do what's best for own own physical and emotional well-being. I think if I were you, I might write them a letter first telling them how the things they said made me feel before making the decision to take them out of your life.

02/25/2010 06:22 AM
Fidgetgirl



Post edited by: Fidgetgirl, at: 07/30/2010 10:05 AM

02/25/2010 06:37 AM
ray2135

Hi everyone

I am so sad that you all think it is okay to just toss your families away - like yesterdays toys.

They are your family (blood or not) and you need to understand that they will always be your family.

When something bothers me - I just say to myself - okay let it go for now - you can always take care of it tomorrow. Well - you need to hold onto your families just as long as it is humanly possible.

You do not get another set of family that easy - you need to really keep that in mind and to understand that they are just people like you - who make tons of mistakes just the same as you.

Hugs, Raoul


02/25/2010 11:35 AM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
VIP Member

Although Blood is blood, I don't think it's the only measure of what a family is. It's very sad when family members do things that hurt so much write one or more members off. If you're family made this decsion after the passing of you dad and were written out the will and siblings too alienated you, that's horrible. I had alot of family distress when my mom died with my dad and siblings. It's been a rough road. I never wanted to see the upset and anger that occurred in my once close family. And my mother would have turned in her grave. Me, being the peacemaker did all I could for 2 years to get everyone back together but unfortunately it caused more pain to me than to any of them. Things are not horrbible bad right now but not what they were and their have been times, I thought of writing them off because the pain and negativity in my life was not helpful to my wellbeing and the same can be said for other people, not family related. Some relationships are really "toxic". When you try your best and it's still "toxic" sometimes, you do have to let them go and do their thing. You can't make people, even family feel the way you do.

02/25/2010 12:32 PM
FatherKarras
FatherKarras  
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Writing family members out of your life is a very difficult, very drastic measure. However, I have had to do that with both my father and my brother, and my mom's on the bubble.

I can tell you that nothing hurts more than knowing that your own family can turn their back on you, until they want something.

For me, my Gran is the only person I truly have left in my life--other than my kids, but we're talking upwards here.

While I do think you have to do what's best for you, I would really take the time to consider the repurcussions of your actions. Look at the up and the downs of what this will mean. Examine your relationship closely, and see if there's any kind of nugget in there that you can hold on to, and maybe make it grow.

Like I said, my only real life support right now is my somewhat addled gran, and I can't really talk to her about the depression and bipolar, cuz she doesn't understand. "Luckily", I have the back pain, and that she does understand.

Ultimately it's up to you, but make sure you've thought it through fully before you do anything rash.

Patrick


02/25/2010 01:13 PM
Fidgetgirl



Post edited by: Fidgetgirl, at: 07/30/2010 10:03 AM
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved