MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
02/13/2010 04:04 AM

Why do we have to feel alone in our depression?

Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9124
VIP Member

This question really is at the heart of it for me. I've suffered depression so many years and what it comes down to is feeling alone in it. And when I say that, I mean feeling like one can't talk about depression in the society. Like no one wants to hear a depressed person talk. No one knows what to say, how to help and many people want us to put this feeling away. But where do you put it. If you don't get it out. It bottles up and makes you feel more helpless and depressed. I want to use this thread so others can express their feelings and recieve support from the rest of the group. This way we all can get it out and we each can respond to one anothr's posts, so as WE DON'T FEEL ALONE IN OUR DEPRESSION. WE ARE PEOPLE TOO AND WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TO HIDE LIKE IT'S A TABOO THING TO TALK ABOUT. Lets be there for each other in this. Hugs, Rachele.
Reply

02/13/2010 07:39 AM
morhope2
morhope2  
Posts: 789
Senior Member

Rachele, you're right that typically most people don't want to hear about it. At the work place, they just want you to do your job. When you casually meet someone out and about, they'll give the usual "hi, how are you?", but they don't want to know. sometimes they don't even stop long enough to hear your answer of "fine, how are you?" we're programmed to give the pat answer because we know that most people don't want the truth. They are being "polite" in asking. I'm guilty of this too as I think we all are at one time or another. I think part of that is because we only tell CLOSE friends or family how we really feel, so don't feel comfortable telling everyone on the street or work place what is going on in our lives. That's okay as long as we do have at least someone that we can tell these things to get them off our chest. It's said that a person is truly blessed if they have 5 TRUE friends that they can tell anything. This is SO true. I have aquaintances that we do the hi thing. THere's friends that you might do social stuff with. There's good friends that you tell things to. THen there's best friends that you can tell anything to and not regret it. These are the people you can talk to about your depression or whatever is wrong. We get so used to bottling it up for all the others that sometimes we forget that we CAN talk to these people. The others either don't really care, or it's a passing oh I'm sorry things arent' ok, maybe even offer to help. They want to mean it but don't really. It's the best friend group that doesn't let you get by with "I'm okay" line. We have to open up to them. Depression is such an isolationist disease that we forget we can talk to these people. I'm been guilty of too many times myself. So try to remember that you can speak out . Even if you've pushed these people to the side lately, call them or go see them. Because if they are really in that category they'll just tell you it's about damn time you said something. They've been waiting for you.

Hugs and God Bless.


02/13/2010 10:43 AM
patty777

Rach, I know what you mean. I dont want to complain to anyone, either I get responses that are so negative I have to block them out of my mind. Sometimes I get the "why do you always have problems??" Ummm, like I want them LOL I really dont ask for things to go wrong in my life.

But the other depression, where I just cant give an excuse for, really blows peoples minds. If you say its a chemical imbalance, then they say well thats just an excuse and you can overcome it with strength . Yea I have tried that all my life.

Once, I told my best friend, because she asked me why Im down all the time. I told her I thought I was never meant to be happy in this life for a reason I dont have answers to. She held me and cried with me, thats my friend since I was 12 yo. Im very worried about her, they found a birth defect in her heart that should have been caught at birth. She has a Narrowing in the Aortic in her heart. She is going to Rush Hospital to have a stent put in. She is so healthy!!! Perfect weight, perfect health and all of a sudden someone catches an irregular pulse and the wheels start turning to find the worst.

Life is too short, and its not fair we have to be this way and not enjoy it like others do. I want that more than ever!!!

Hugs

Patty


02/13/2010 12:50 PM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9124
VIP Member

Thanks ladies for validating what I have long believed and thought about the stigma atttached to depression. I don't know that others feel this but I sometimes think that other people who are naturally positive and happy must be thinking: Oh here she comes, she's always negative and unhappy and would rather not talk to you or just brush you off and say I'm sorry you are feeling that way. For me, I'm always the go to person that people tell me things and their problems and I truely listen and care. Funny thing is I have no one other than my poor husband to entrust these feelings to. I feel bad for him because he has to have a wife that's depressed and can't funtion 100% but more like 50%. I have a therapist but feel like I need a change with that too.

I don't want anyone trying to take the feelings I have away. I need to let them out. I need to cry too. I don't need people telling me not to feel a certain way and what I need to do to change the feelings. It's not working. Hasn't been for years. Why is it so bad so horrible to be the person with depressed feelings? Like you said Patty, it's not like I wanted this in my life. If I could magically make it go away, I would. For me, I think the answer lies deep in my soul. I don't know if anyone can understand this but I feel like something has been missing inside me for as long as I can remember. There is no peace in my soul and little happiness. I am looking for a new therapist to address my spiritual soul inside me. Looking for someone who is versed in mind/body connection, meditation, visualization and self-healing energy.

I hope this will be the help I need. I'm tired of popping pills that do only so much. I'm tired of feeling so alone, of being depressed, of being told to think and feel differently, or being told to just accept it as your burden to carry in this life. I need to find the inner me inside to heal this depresssion.

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 02/13/2010 12:54 PM


02/15/2010 07:44 PM
Shadowdancer

I'm tired of feeling like I'm always hiding a 'secret' which is my depression. Can't just tell anybody about it, you know that, or some may label me as 'crazy.' I'm tired of never feeling like a so-called normal person should feel, or how i perceive 'normal' people as feeling because i have had depression for so long that this has become 'normal' for me. It lifts but really never goes away. Pills, pills and more pills, having to always remember to refill them, and seemingly never on the same day, either. What a pain. Going to the therapist and never really having much to say, for she can't 'cure' my depression, anyway, so sometimes i feel 'what's the point?' I don't know, just getting these things off my chest. Thanks for the rant.

02/16/2010 05:18 AM
rainydaze57
rainydaze57  
Posts: 266
Member

Hey all: I just stumbled across this thread this morning. All the posts here say just what I feel. I have been trying to get past depression all my life it seems. Then it is just here, no matter what. Most of the time when I was working and had the insurance I saw the same psychologist for years. I learned alot about my self from all my sessions with him. Then as I got older and changed jobs, I lost the luxury of his support. My insurance paid for the Mental Health system here, so I started going there. I had a psychologist and a nurse and a psychiatrist. They actually had a diagnosis for me. Severe depression. First time anyone ever Said that out loud of course. Started me taking some prozac and I started to improve on that. I think that being gainfully employed was a good resource for me and enabled me to apply my mind to something I really could do. Then after getting laid off, trying for over a year now to get re employed, I just I don't know , want to just not try anymore. I was able to get visits on sliding scale back at Mental Health, but they were only for a short time but I have to say that they helped a bit. I recently had my dosage of the prozac increased. And the nurse gave me a rx for trazadone to sleep. And the stigma, it is like I feel like everyone around me tries to put labels on my depression, like "separation anxiety" because my kids are growing up. Or "empty nest" blah blah blah. You know that if I can stay focused on a good book without my mind wandering away from the page and out the window and starting to ask all the why questions until my daughter is home from school something isn't right in my head. I know that, but no one else gets it. I have fear now that I don't remember having before, like getting lost in the stupid walmart. But I don't want to tell anyone that = they will just laugh and tell me I am having a bad day. I mean I learned alot of stuff when I had the luxury of going to therapy on a regular basis and God I try, I really try to apply everything that I learned and it just doesn't do it. "get over it", "move beyond", ..anyway my friends, didn't want to ramble for so long, but you guys get it like no one else does. Thank you for being here. I am always checking my pms so if anyone wants to share some ideas, or anything I will be here and will get back. Thanks for bringing this issue to light.

02/16/2010 09:35 PM
liz5
liz5  
Posts: 39
Member

Rach i feel you on that, it does feel like something in me been missing for a long time i try to find it in family it dont work i thought it was the feeling love gives nd its not my boyfriend nd kids love me but i still feel the lost, empty, painful pit in me, i know he tired of the crying, the confusion, negative thoughts i bring in the relationship i really i hate being like this a lot it does give you that alone feeling even when you talk about it,it makes me feel alone because it just let me think about the pain it brings, i do stay away from ppl so they dont see it, well i think they see it its hard when your deep in it

02/17/2010 12:42 AM
FatherKarras
FatherKarras  
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

It was very hard for me the first few months after finding out I was bipolar II (more depression than mania). I thought I had friends, but I was soon to find out just how many true friends I had. After I lost my wife and kid, I went on facebook (determined to get well, and to let my friends know why I've always been so erratic). Nobody has taken me off of their friends list, but all of a sudden almost all of them have stopped talking to me. Other than my daughter and ex-wife #1, I only have two people that still talk to me. Talk about being left out in the cold. It really hurt like hell. Even one of the two that still talk to me think its mostly mental and that I can control it.

So when I found MDJ, and I saw that I COULD talk about these things w/o being judged, it was like a whole new world opened up to me, and I've made some fantastic friends on here.

Anyway, just wanted to share that (for me) heartbreaker. Nothing proves loyalty like being crazy. Laughing

Patrick


02/17/2010 05:18 AM
sweetcheeks
sweetcheeks  
Posts: 69
Member

I understand where your coming from when you say he's tired of the negative, and confusing thoughts on your part. My bf just broke up with me for those reasons. So I don't know what to say but can say I'm right there with you Smile

02/17/2010 06:14 AM
jmick
jmickPosts: 13899
VIP Member

Aside from a therapist and other people who suffer from depression online, I don't talk to anyone, period, about my depression. My entire family is aware of my anxiety disorder and chronic panic attacks, but not once have I ever breached the subject of depression, even though it controls me every single day. I guess part of it is I don't really know what to say. I feel like they wouldn't understand if I were to try. I bet if my family were asked if I was suffering from depression, they would answer "No" without a second thought.

I'm probably opening myself up to be looked upon as lazy by not telling them, but while I'm comfortable talking about most of my problems, I can't seem to open up about depression. Another part of it may be that I don't completely understand it myself. For most of my life I ignored depression because I felt I had good reason to be depressed. It never occurred to me that there was more than that going on.

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved