Depression Support Group

I'm getting really depresed again, tomm i have dual diag. group and meds....this routine is getting to me.....thank god i have a few beers in the fridge.........i'll quote my sig. from one of my email accounts...."walk in darkness, avoid the light"....it's how i feel....knowing really good friends are in pain and being left alone....i figured out how to leave video messages on people's Fbook pages....been leaving xMAS GREETINGS, ETC....whoops caps....i feel the floor is dropping away and i'm tripping again....falling down....like i did last night walking the dog...hit some ice and down i went....caught on my hands so i'm fine....but falling nonetheless...everyone says how good i'm doing....but i'm not...it's a social mask i guess....i try to be earnest and honest ALWAYS....but also have a habit of bottling my emotions....till it goes uncorked and boom

right on the floor...into the blackness and the desperation....wondering if i will survive this holiday season. God it's like next week or something.....i need the money my ex father usually sends this time of year DESPERATELY so i can buy a gift for my sister....and my mom....i have nothing.

Everyday i check the mailbox....to no avail. Maybe this is the year he stops sending xmas loot.....

That wouldn't surprise me at all....it's only following the way things are going.....downward.............my depression is an eight vs a ten.....things could be worse....but god i wish they would be better....if i don't get that loot, my only sister and the one person i can tell ANYTHING to...my closest friend...my sister won't get a gift.....she wants a liquid blue long sleeve tie dye..it's 35 dollars and i don't know whati'll do if the money doesn't come. I'll be the usual useless, bum peter, taking up space and breathing other peoples air. Please God let my dad's card come before xmas. And maybe shed a little light into this pitch blackness i'm living in right now.....i feel so stupid.

i can't believe the whining little bastard i am.....praying to the allmighty for something for myself.....prayers are for others, to help them.

i feel so weak and useless and stupid...makes me think of OD'ing again....but i can't....i'd prolly get kicked out of ma's house....&^%$# living with my mom at my age....i'm so ashamed....i should be out there being productive, doing something to better myself and the community....i'm a weak, useless, piece of crap....who lives with mommy, and can't get a grip enough to make things happen....my SSDI hearing isn't until march....the waiting alone is hell....one thing, i get food stamps so at least i can feed myself....despite an ED. God i feel lowdown and weak.

Peter, I feel that thinking of others is a very good thing. Your Mom and Sis will understand if no Christmas gifts. You should think of a present to them on how to help yourself get better. Think of something they really want for you to improve Ex . Showing you care by telling them, that means more than anything to someone who is loving someone with problems as you have.

Also, its a good thing to pray for yourself, its right. I do all the time with my talks to my maker and Savior.I believe the Book of Jacob.

Well the prayer he said is " Dear God Bless me indeed and expand my territory, Please put your strong arms around Me to keep me from Evil so as I will not cause any Pain to others".

Peter say this prayer , It is powerful

God bless you this day and everyday

Patty

Peter, you are not anything that you are calling yourself. You are depressed, and depression is a disease. Would you feel so lousy about yourself if you had diabetes? Depression is as much of a disease as diabetes - it's just in the brain rather than the body. None of us asked for this disease, but we have to deal w/ it 'cause it's there.

Can you figure out what was so different on the day you felt so good? Maybe you can do some of the same things and feel a little better at least.

Meanwhile, please, please Peter, don't drink - or worse. Even if you can't reproduce whatever was different the day you felt good, remember what that day felt like and know that you will have more of them. Depression (duh) affects our moods.

I've no magic words for you, my friend, but I do not want to see you flat on your face. Please take care of yourself. We care about you.

Sylvia

I feel for you. Do whatever you need to do to get through because there is a brief light at the end. Things will perk up, at least for a bit, because that's the way life goes so hang in there alright?

Peter I don't see you as any of that. You cannot help depression and your other problems no more than I can help my depression and multitude of health issues. It took me a long time to get on disablitly and qualify. You sure didn't chose this path and your one of God's childern so yes you are important..