Depression & Chronic Pain Support Group

Hi - would love to hear from members about how they take the help they receive and "pay it forward" - helping others. Not just on mdjunction, or just in the Depression & Chronic Pain group, but in all areas of your life.

People sometimes think that those of us with a disability (or three) can't be productive in some way, even a small one. They can count us out of the human race, but I like to show them that I can light a candle and not curse the darkness.

Also, how does it make you feel to help others when you can?

It can be as simple as holding a door open or paying for the coffee of the person behind you in line at Starbucks.

People have been kind to me; they have helped me financially while I wait for SSDI approval. They have bought groceries, run errands, called to chat "just because," driven me to the ER, you name it.

Since I can't always "pay back" the favor to the person who does something, I pay it forward.

I love to crochet. I have crocheted since I was 12 when my Mom taught me. I have made hundreds of items over the years, and when my family said "enough with the afghans!" I found out about Warm Up! America, which is a volunteer group providing afghans to the needy and homeless. I can't physically stand up to serve in a soup line, but I can crochet something to keep a body warm. Even when I have been recovering from surgery, I crochet. Now I don't just do afghans for adults, but baby/child blankets for those at a battered women's shelter (every kid in a stressful situation wants something soft to hold on to), hats and scarves to be handed out at the mission that serves the homeless, and smaller blankets & toys for the animal shelter. Once I saw a man pushing a shopping cart with all his worldly goods and on top was one of my afghans! I felt all warm inside, and grinned like an idiot for the rest of the day. I could see that I had helped someone, that he would at least have something to keep him a little bit warmer that night. That was the best feeling ever!

Crochet is soothing for me, counting the stitches and getting into the rhythm of my work. Plus, I have to concentrate on the pattern sometimes and that makes me think about something other than my personal misery.

1.) What do you do to pay it forward?

2.) How does it make you feel?

Hey Catfishes,

What a wonderful topic! I too would love to hear what others do. I have developed a friendship with someone from a pain group in my city. She is older than I am(almost as old as my mother), but she has felt lonely and frustrated at not connecting with anyone in the city after years of trying to be involved in groups and strike up a friendship.I started a meet for coffee get together every two weeks with one other pain group member(closer to my age) and then I have taken just the one friend to a play for a night out and to take her mind off her pain. We have attended a couple of plays, had dinner and just phone each other to talk. We have developed a good friendship, I have met her daughters and some family members. We shared in the birthday celebration for her grandaughter.

I often hold doors for others, let them go ahead in line if they have one item and I have many,these things are just second nature to me.

I have in the past given away a crib to a mother that had her baby sleeping in a box instead of selling it, even though I could have used the money. It feels good to help others, it just feels right and always makes me happy. It gives me a feeling of pride to know that their life is better because I acted from the heart.

Oh my. I've been doing this my whole life. Recently, my efforts have expanded a bit as my pain allows.

I make diapers for moms who want to cloth diaper their babies and can't afford to. I make baby quilts and other infant items. I make clothes for kids in need. I make underwear for kids and adults in need - you'd be surprised how many people cannot afford to buy new underwear for themselves or their children. In this economy, need is everywhere you look. I've been sewing for 40+ years and I get a lot of satisfaction from creating things, so having a place to send my finished projects is important - otherwise my home would be stuffed to the gills.

I also discovered a site called Wish Upon a Hero. http://www.wishuponahero.com/ This site is for people who need things from food to help with utility bills, from clothes to birthday cards. People in need make a wish, and then people who have the ability to meet needs read through the wishes and grant them. You can do a whole wish or part of one. Lately I've helped with food, personal items, coats for kids, birthday cards, Christmas gifts, and many other things.

It really feels good to be able to help out people in need when I've been helped so much by others who reached out to me in my time of need. Sometimes it was just a hug, or a smile; other times it was an email or a phone call, or a book to read, or even just support in the form of, "I understand."

I think as humans we need to be able to share with others. It validates us. Since many of us on this site are disabled in one way or another, it really gives us a boost to be able to give something to someone else; something that has nothing to do with our diagnosis or disability. It helps me feel good that I can help someone out that I've never met even though I can't work or even leave the house some days because of my pain. It helps me feel alive, useful, and human. It validates me.

Trisha

I am learning how to do this correctly. To stay in discussion, but I may not be posting right.

Such inspiring stories and advice I have found here.

You would think "pay it Forward" to be a simple task that no ones ned to bring up. Nope!

Of course it is just my opinion. I believe that the paying it forward can be as simple as just having that someone in your heart and on your mind. It is not enough, I understand. But when someone responds to my communication, for example, that person can know that in some way they are too "Paying It Forward.

sincerely sassym

Hi sassym,

I am happy to hear you have found both inpiration and advice here,we are glad to have you with us. You have a very valid point about having someone in your heart and on your mind as part of this,yet needing to do more. Responding to posts here to encourage one another is a wonderful way to pay it forward.

Hugs,

scorpioj

You deserve the "big Hug". Just want you to know you inspired someone to get more proactive with the pay it forward. Thank You

Okay I will try again. Just want to share that I have actually made a list for myself. Probably sound silly, but since I am on the steroids, if I do not write it down, I can go from one room to another and forget evrything. Just a reality side effect of this is that it make my own "quality of life" better!

sincerely sassym