Co-Dependent Personality Support Group

Dove - You can only control you... your Mom may act irrationally and you have no control over that. I guess it's tough when she does though, because she can still tell you what to do.

Maybe you did the best thing by talking to your aunt. She seemed receptive and respectful of your needs and probably has the most control over what the kids do anyway. Are things any better?

Red: My only problem now is finding alternative housing. If I don't, I am going to suffocate. I'd like to find a therapist (while I am at it). Can't seem to get any place (on my own) lately. I have a voice. I just don't know where to tell him to go to live. He wants to find another place as well, but he just got the job, doesn't know his hours or days of work yet, etc. So, now we have to wait and then find him a place to live. In the meantime, I feel like I can't breath.

Red AND REMIND ME NEVER TO SWING OPEN MY FRONT DOOR AGAIN> THANK YOU!

Things are much better. My aunt and I are very much on the same page as far as quiet time and boundaries. The sad thing about all of this is, my mom really doesn't have the right to tell me what to do. If I had the guts to stand up and call her out on what she herself has said I wouldn't have to do anything she tells me to unless I wanted to. But I don't have that kinda courage. She keeps telling me I'm an adult except when it's not convenient for her.

B - He is an adult... he can find his own place to live, it shouldn't be up to you. He is shifting the responsibility to you, that way if he doesn't move out, it's really your fault. Can you tell him you should really let him find his own housing because he needs to be an adult and then give him a deadline? Tough love, I know... but seems like it might be best for both of you.

Dove - I am glad things are better and your aunt is being respectful. Too bad that your Mom is selective in when she treats you like an adult. It sounded like maybe you were trying to find another place to live? Not sure if I got that right, but if so, how is the search going?

I've been looking for a place I could afford but I only work part time at McDonald's. I don't have the resources to have my own place right now especially since I'm trying to save up to move back to cali. My fiance still lives there and I never wanted to leave in the first place. But the cheap places I can afford don't work because there's no way to get to work. It's hard wanting to be independent and have my own life when I don't have the resources to do it elsewhere or the courage to do it here.

Dove:

I think there are times in our lives when we kinda coast and other times we have to make a lot of effort to get things going our way. I feel like I am coming out of one of those hard work times and now I can relax a little and let life take me in the direction I have pointed myself.

Does it feel maybe like it's one of those periods where you have to really work hard to make things happen? It always feels like a transitional time to me.

I have those "seasons" where it feels like getting anything done takes herculian effort. I hate that because I am constantly plagued by feelings of helplessness and incompatency. Right now I'm gearing up to move out from my friends home where I and my son have lived for over 5 years and I am so scared that I can't do it on my own. But I have to. I have been given a great opportunity and my son (and I) deserves the best. Thanks for listening.

Hope all goes well for you Star.... sounds like you are on the right track!