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DPD Community DPD Support Forums Introductions & Personal Stories I finnaly realized I cant help her anymore
 

I finnaly realized I cant help her anymore


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05/16/2008 18:08
blondie23
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lil bit about me... My mother in law is a sweet wonder person. But after being clean 18yrs relapsed, This has been ongoing now for almost a yr. She got messed up with someone who was a crack addict. She just got out of rehab Wed. and I am positive after calling her house and people who I don't know are answering her phone and she isn't there. She ran to the store when I did get a hold of her she says they are from the program. I have heard that before. My husband and I used to joked ya the drug program. It isn't funny. And I'm tired of the lies. I told her when I did get a hold of her I'm sure you can understand where my head went when your not home an people are answering your phone. She said nothing is going on. I said well I'm sure you will understand why I don't believe you I'm not falling for it and I cant talk to you right now. I was crying at this point. I want to drive down an spy on her but what good will that do. My husband is out of town with his brother trying to get a grip and relax from all of this and I so don't want to tell him my feelings on what I'm sure is going on right now. This all happened with in the last hour. Sorry so long I'm just so lost as to what to do. And I know all we can do at this point is just walk away.


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    You are just weak.
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05/16/2008 19:38
Lilibit58
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 Well maybe not walk away completely, just distance yourself and make it clear why. Don't let her suck you in. I know you want to help but she has to want to help herself, and doing anything for her would be enabling her behaviour more. IT's sad to watch, but the only person you really can change is yourself. I feel badly for you, I know its hard to watch.
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05/16/2008 19:58
norma
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 Hi Blondie, welcome to the group. Your mother-in-law is responsible for herself. Whatever made her go to rehab in the first place is going to make her go again if she is using. You are right to be concerned. But, she is a grown person and you can't watch her all of the time..Nor can you save her if she makes bad choices. Like Lilibit said...keep your distance. You don't have to baby-sit her or police her activities. And yes that is most difficult. We are here for you.
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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05/17/2008 13:24
blondie23
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 Thank you lilibit58 & Norma. I know I can't do anything. I am just disappointed once again. It is hard to watch her life spin so out of control right in front of your eyes. She hasn't contacted me today. That speaks volumes to me. Some one once told met

"Those who excuse themselves accuse themselves." How true this is!!


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05/17/2008 14:05
norma
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 It is one of the hardest things in life to watch someone you love make a mess of things. Intervention could help. But, only if you want to. And don't try to do it alone. If there are others who care and agree then I would go for it. Otherwise, love from a distance and realize you do not own the problem....hugs, Norma
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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05/18/2008 08:46
Lilibit58
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 I'm glad you are seeing that you can do nothing to help someone who won't help themselves. Very hard, my heart goes out to your struggle. I do know how it is, but sometimes the only person you can save is yourself. Once you understand this maybe, and I mean maybe intervention can work. But it takes a group and she has to be at or close to rock bottom to even begin to listen. If she has others who enable her around for her to go to, then forget it. She'll just use them instead, and will disappoint you even more. Keep your distance dear, love her from afar. Pray that she will see the light and help herself. Hugs, Lori
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05/21/2008 20:52
blondie23
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 Well all my fears were confirmed. When my husband got home from his trip, went went to her house with a drug kit. She wanted nothing to do with it. We told her we were done and not to call. She is currently being evicted, things are only going to get worse. My husband told me today he thinks his mom will be dead with in a year. How sad it that? I pray for her an him. We are worried she will commit suicide. I have gone through that twice my uncle committed suicide (not drug related,and my 15yr old brother also not drug related) I don't know how I could possible deal with it again and be strong for my husband I am so scared. For her and for him. Praying for her and my husband please keep us in your prayers. Thank you all for your support.


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    You are just weak.
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05/22/2008 13:03
dragonfly2catch
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 you have all my prayers from the bottom of my heart be strong god has a plan for us all sometimes we dont see it but i promise he will see you through i will keep you in my heart and prayers...be blessed :~dragonfly
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05/22/2008 19:28
Lilibit58
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 I pray that she sees the light and helps herself. I'm so sorry you have such sadness over and over. Take care.

Lori
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05/22/2008 19:45
norma
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 I sure will keep you and your family in my prayers. {{{hug}}}
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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