Co-Dependent Personality Support Group

My husband is a sex addict in denial. I am a newly "diagnosed" co-dependent. Has anyone's marriage ever succeeded when both parties are getting therapy and help and making a real effort?

This is of course, all dependent on whether he actually calls the therapist, accepts the diagnosis and seeks treatment! I am already seeing the therapist about my own issues!

We have a lot at stake (3 young children) and I would really like to make it work, but I can't seem to find ANYONE out there who has made it work!!! Of course, I was looking at the divorce support forum for awhile, so I am hoping that I can find a more positive forum!

Thanks.

Hi Penney and welcome. I wish i could be of more help to you but it seems i'm the only one in any relationship that has ever been willing to go to therapy.

That makes sense....unfortunately!

My therapist made me make my husband set his own appointment (the therapist, of course, didn't even blink that I knew my husband's schedule without a calendar in site.)

Well, I waited for him to ask me for the phone number and every few days, he seems to be making progress. 1st, he couldn't find the right name online. Then, a couple days later, he asked me for the phone number. Now, I'm just waiting to be told when the appointment is and that will be the first step completed for both of us! It is killing me not to get involved!!!!! So typical of co-dependence, I think.

I wish you all the best with this Penney. I know it must be terribly hard on you not being involved but that is one of the 1st steps for us co dependent people,we have to let others do for theirselves.

Hi Penney. Welcome to the board, glad you found us. I am friends with a couple who deal with similar issues. She is bipolar, he is a sex addict. They have struggled with his addiction and he attends meetings 3 times a week. They had to make some major changes in their lives but its been 3 years and so far, their family has remained in tact and they are doing ok. It can be done. *hugs*

Thank you Heatherr. I'm glad you mentioned meetings 3x/week. I have yet to find out if my husband is that dedicated. I have seen online support groups that meet everyday, and I hope if that's what it takes, he will participate. Unfortunately, I suspect he may not be that dedicated to recovery since he doesn't even consider his problem an addiction.

If that is the case, I will be here very often, given the difficulty in leaving my situation while continuing codependent recover. Codependency and abandoning dreams of a happy marriage seem to be an oxymoron!

We'll see. Thanks for letting me know about your friends.

My daughter is going through the same situation. My heart goes out to you and I hope the best for you and your young family. "The best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother."

Hi Penney,

I am co-dependent and my husband was diagnosed almost six months ago with bipolar disorder. We've started dating in 1985, have been married since 1992 and have two children.

We have been going to a marriage counselor for over two years now and he also sees his p-doc about every eight weeks.

Our marriage has been much better since we've been to counseling and now, that he's been medicated. I have to say if it wasn't for our marriage counselor and my husband's cooperation in seeking help, our marriage would probably be over at this point in time. I have also learned a lot about me during this process and try to make improvements every day. I am getting stronger, my husband is more stable and I see our children are healthier, emotionally, as a result of our hard work. Reading many posts and posting here has also helped me cope tremendously.

So to answer your question...the answer is "Yes." We still have our ups and downs, but we're working on it. I have to say if my husband ever decides to discontinue his medications or therapy, I'm out of here. I'll never relive our past.

I hope this helps...

Hugs!!!

This does help....a lot!

Thanks!

Well I cant give you a great sucess story but just to let you know you are not alone. My husband also has sex addition problem along with a few others. I am Co dependent. We have been stuggling for the last 6 years of our 11 year marriage. It gets better for a while and bad for a while. We are still struggling so I know how you feel. I am confused , scared, should I stay, should I go, what about the kids and so on and so on. I just wanted to wish you luck. As my family always says, "You cant say you failed until you stop trying". Good luck!!