Co-Dependent Personality Support Group

Hi... My name is Dana. After talking with a friend about codependency, I realized I have this problem. I ended a 20 year marriage a year and a half ago. Much of the reason was because I felt my husband was extremely selfish. I gave and gave and he took and took. I saw myself as a selfless and giving person who was victimized by his selfish ways. I recently developed a new relationship with another man. I came to realize that much of the feelings I had in my marriage were creeping into this new relationship. Once again, I was giving way more than I was getting out of the relationship. Most often, the sacrifices I made weren't even asked of me. I just gave freely. I could see that the problem was mine. I don't set boundaries and give too much, then resent it when the other person doesn't behave the way I feel they should. I had even come to realize on my own that I had a control issue and felt the need to control my significant other. Now I have a name for my problem and hopefully some help in healing. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I have made in the past. I hope I can learn to overcome this problem and lead a happy balanced life.

Hi Dana:

I am in a similar situation. I was married for over 20 years to an alcoholic who was also addicted to sex and food. I am remarried to a sexual addict (I did not know such a thing existed and certainly did not know my new husband had this problem) and have found out I am codependent. I am also learning just what this means and what traits I have. One thing I have definately learned is that one of the reasons I was so drawn to my new husband is that the addict and the codependent are drawn to each other like magnets. I do consider my husband my soulmate and we are working through this. I also felt in my first marriage that I gave and gave and never got anything in return. Part of this was codependency on my part and the rest was that my ex was an addict - by nature very self-centered people. My current husband is giving and loving, especially now that he is in recovery. Thanks for sharing your story, it's helpful to know there are others out there struggling with this.

Redwood