Breakthrough!

For anyone who knows my situation, just wanted to give you all an update...

Well, my fiancee has a very hard time with self-motivating (is that a bipolar symptom or just personality issue?). For example, he had been talking about going back to school for YEARS but never did it. About a year and a half ago, I found a school close by that had the program he was interested in, and made an appointment for him with the admissions counselor. He went, enrolled, got straight A's and graduated a few months ago! I am so proud of him.

Anyways, just an example of how he needs just a little push and then he takes it from there and does great.

So, since I've been working on my codependency issues , I've been trying to back off of him and let him take responsibility for himself because he needs to and he wants to. But, since I've always taken care of everything, I can't expect him to do it overnight. For example, I have to give him some coaching on paying his bills because I've always done it.

Anyways, I made a little To Do list for him last night... call this person to check on this, pay this bill, etc, etc.. just to get him on track with everything.

He called me at lunch and said that he had worked down the list and he even made an appointment next week at a drug rehab center for treatment!

Great news!

I asked him how he felt about it and he said he felt really good about it and that he was going to give it his all this time since he didn't really put that much effort into getting help last year.

So proud of him.

So it worked. Me acting non-codependently and him taking responsibility took a load off of me and made him feel more in control of his situation.

This is a major breakthrough!

Marie, he has come a long way in a short period of time....and you are doing great too!!! hats off to you both...hugs, Norma

Just being positive and optimistic right now, but staying realistic. Yes, this is a HUGE turn in the right direction, but as much as I want everything to be all better and ok, it's not. We still have ALOT of work to do and we both know that and right now we are both committed to making improvements on ourselves and fixing the damage that has been done to our relationship.

I think it is best for me to stay positive but grounded as well.

Does that make sense?

It always helps me to be positive too, Marie. Even when there is a set back or I make a mistake I try to learn from it and find something good about it.

Years ago we were moving and had all of the back of the car loaded up...wouldn't you know it!! We get a flat tire...have to unload everyting on side of interstate to get to spare...so to be positive I say well at least it is not raining....guess what??? Starts raining...positive thinking...sometimes...is difficult...

And I just meant like last year when I found out he was using, we had a long talk and he reassured me it was not a problem and he would stop. Pretty naive of me to believe him at that time but I was going through a lot of personal problems, I was really vulnerable. So, I just wanted to believe him so much and wanted the problem to go away and many times we would argue about it and I would just let it go to avoid the confrontation.

So I am being positive but staying grounded and realistic. I don't want to HEAR him tell me anymore that it is not a problem and he is taking care of it. I want him to take ACTIONS.