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My counselor gave me a handout that I found very useful. The handout states that it is from the book and tapes of DRs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It is for finding relationships that are healthy and avoiding those that are not. UNSAFE PEOPLE 1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses. 2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback. 3. Are self-righteous instead of humble. 4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior. 5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them. 6. Demand trust, instead of earning it. 7. Belive they are perfect instead of admitting their faults. 8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility. 9. Will lie instead of being honest. 10. Are stagnant instead of growing. 11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting. 12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered) 13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it. 14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us. 15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals. 16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent. 17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one. 18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences. SAFE PEOPLE 1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust. 2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others 3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are. 4. Working on their own issues 5. Respond to truth 6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them) 7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens) 8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people) Thoughts? Any safe people in your lives? Any unsafe people in your lives? |
