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DPD Community DPD Support Forums General & Support Dependent or nice?
 

Dependent or nice?


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12/27/2007 17:04
dstclair1415
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 I have a general question, I am going through a mess right now husband is a cheater, 4 that I know of. Long story short we are seperated after 10 years of marriage and 13 years together, I do know he is sick, he is what I believe and so does he that he is bipolar. I guess my question is am I dependent because I havent left him fully yet and that I want to help him through this, at times I feel like a fool and people tell me that I have Co-dependant personality traits. I am happy with myself and my life, but I do consider him part of it, my Dream has always been to me a mother and a wife, so yes my dreams are wraped up in him to a sense. But I also want to help him and see if he gets help can that change him and save our marriage and family? And that is the only reason I am still not headed to the divorce lawyer? So just because I am giving this time does that really mean I am co-dependent?
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12/28/2007 07:10
ggirl
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 I understand what you mean. I went through something similar. But I also know, I'm dependant. I don't think one has anything to do with the other. It sounds like you're still in love with him. It's never wrong to try to save your marriage. I don't know if his cheating has anything to do with being bipolar though. Just be careful so he doesn't take advantage of you. Is he willing to go to counceling to find out why he's cheating?
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12/28/2007 07:29
dstclair1415
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 He say he is but all in his time,(when I finsh this job, after the holidays, ect) so I have to wonder if he is serious or not. I really dont believe that the affairs are about the other woman, I do believe they are a way for him to escape reality. I wish sooo much that my marriage would work and that he would seek some serious help. I think that is what really bothers me is how do you gage when you are being taking advantage of or when you are holding on too long? I alway think of the saying " you cant say you failed until you stop trying" So I am always trying with him, should I just admitt defeat and move on?

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12/28/2007 07:43
ggirl
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 What I did is try to figure out all of the pro's and con's. I loved him so much, but I didn't like him. You have to like someone to be able to live with them. It's such a personal decision that nobody can tell you what to do. I would give him a date to go to counceling. If he makes it, that means he wants the marriage too. If not, well, go by yourself because it will still do you good. Is this your first marriage? Remember, it takes two to make a marriage. You say you are trying, but is HE? I'm sure it has nothing to do with the other women, but you're taking a chance that he will bring home a disease so its actually risking both of your lives. Theres not much you can do if he won't work on the marriage with you. You can't let him take you down with him. I know its scarey. My first marriage lasted for 13 years. Now I have a husband that is my true soul mate and we've been happily married for 21 years and still going strong.
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12/28/2007 09:05
dstclair1415
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 See that is the problem, he is a wonderful guy, beyond the cheating, he has always supports us, never abused us, he a great father. and yes he is a friend he doesnt like or defend what he does he just dont know how to stop it. I so look forward to a life with no drama but I just cant seem to give up on him, some days I want nothing more to do with him and others I just miss him soooo much, I think the kids do play a part in my desicion making because I fear for the effect on their future with each direction I could go. If I go divorce route....abandoment issues,insecurity ect... and If I stay and it contiues, they will grow up with this type of warped sense of what a man, husband should be, they are so young now and I fear for their futures either way? so I think that is why I am so undecided? yes this is my first marriage I never in all my dreams ever thought there would be any more. that is a hard dream to give up. I know I cant stay unless he truely gets help and really shows many life changes but I fear I will never move forward if I keep holding on to what he might do? I dont know if that make sense or not? I know for serious change that will take time and I am sick of wasting my time with him. And to be honest I truely am afraid that I will never find sny one else and that scares me to death. I know I will be ok if I dont but still for some reason I fear that because I come with 3 (wonderful) chilren that my chances of finding that true love again is very rare. and Athough my life is complete with out a man in it. I still would love to have someone to share my life with? boy rereading my own post sure shows how confused I really am!lol
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