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10/24/2013 04:03 PM

Grandfather with dementia

Spiritwolf6
Posts: 2
New Member

Hello, I just found this place today because I am having a hard time dealing with my grandfather. I live with my Mom and grandfather and I have anxiety myself, and my Mom has physical disabilities. She is currently my grandpa's caregiver.

My grampa has 2 major problems that we have problems dealing with...right now he keeps getting up when it is time for bed, which is around 11 pm. He gets up and messes around with things in the house and we can't get to sleep until he does, and this usually lasts until 2-3 in the morning. He doesn't hear well and can't wear a hearing aid because he messes with it, so we have to yell at him to go to bed and then he gets mad.

Also...ok this one is a bit disturbing...but I have friends that come over on Fridays to hang out, just watch movies and stuff, but my grampa...has started sexually harassing them and calling them fat. He has always done the fat thing and he often calls me and my mom fat...which we aren't, we are average size but it doesn't help with my own self confidence...but the sexual assault stuff...it's just bad. Luckily it is only verbal, but he makes comments about their boobs and butts and...some very rude sexual jokes. My friends no longer want to come over if this continues and I don't know if I could handle that...

Please help? Sad I usually try to ignore his stuff and let my Mom handle things because she has more patience with him, but my Mom just had surgery and now I have to help and I am freaking out a little.

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10/29/2013 05:01 PM
MaryR
MaryR  
Posts: 4181
Group Leader

Hi and welcome, Sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now. The staying up too late thing happens a lot and can be really hard to get better. My Grandma tended to doze off in the afternoons and sometimes if we could keep her from sleeping too long then she would be easier to get back to bed later, but sometimes that just made her grumpy in the afternoon since her nap got interrupted. If he takes any medication, sometimes that can be switched around to help you. My Grandma had some that made her a bit sleepy and we asked the doctor if we could make that a night medication instead of a morning one and that helped a good bit, but sometimes the internal clock is still just off.

The second problem is a bigger one. It happens more often than you might think, but it is always awkward and difficult to deal with. The part of his brain that helps him know what is and isn't appropriate to say is clearly not working right anymore so things are coming out that never would have before. The most workable thing I can think is to try to keep your friends and your Grandpa apart as much as possible, like when your friends come they go straight to your room and close the door. You may have to change the plan of what you do while you hang out (board games, snacks, anything you can do in your room basically), but it could still work and it minimizes the time that they would have to hear any comments. While your Mom is recovering you might need to periodically come out and take care of things, but better to do that than to have your friends driven off. If they are fast they should be able to get in and out with less than 5 minutes of actual face to face time with your Grandpa so there wouldn't be much time for any awkwardness. Just have them keep the door closed (and locked if they need to). As your Mom recovers she will be better able to keep him busy and out of the way on your Friday nights so it will hopefully be less difficult for you, but for now that is what I think I would do. You do need your friends and I hope that taking steps like this will help them feel safe enough to keep coming over and giving you the support you need as well as the fun that you need.


10/29/2013 07:56 PM
Spiritwolf6
Posts: 2
New Member

thank you very much for the response, I will ask my mom about the med thing, he is on quite a few things because of other problems as well (he has lung cancer, diabetes, and heart problems, but you would never know it)

It is good to know I am not the only one with this awkward problem, dementia is weird. Luckily she is almost back to normal now but she is still not supposed to be doing a lot of things...but she is doing them anyways because she is stubborn. I am trying to help more with other things so she can deal with him. I'll ask my Mom about a lock, I hope that would help. If there is no one in the living room he tends to go looking for people and bugs me in my room :/ that would be good for alone time AND friend time.

Again, thank you very much for the response!


10/30/2013 08:58 AM
MaryR
MaryR  
Posts: 4181
Group Leader

I hope it works out well for you and your friends.
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