Death in the family Support Group

hey everyone i am new in this group, i had to join because i think it may help me deal with the death of my step brother, in november of 2006 my 13 year old stepbrother was murdered by his mothers boyfriend during a domestic diturbance, my stepbrother was the last one out of the house that morning so while he was running down the driveway the mothers boyfriend shot him once in the hand then four more times in the head, it was the worst day of my life, i just had a baby two weeks prior to his death. it breaks my heart knowing hes not here to see his nephew grow up my oldest son adored him and still asks from time to time where his uncle is, i think the worst memory of that day is seeing my mom and stepdad (my stepbrothers father) pulling into my driveway crying and my stepdad saying 'my boys gone, that bast...d killed my boy' and falling to his knees crying! how do you recover from such a tragedy? we recently learned that my stepbrother was going to move in with my mom and stepdad the following weekend,(which crushed my stepdad when he found out, they were very close) i still cry when i think of him, he was a great kid. and what really gets me is my stepsister who was 10 at the time wittnessed the whole thing, nobody should have to see such a thing happen especially at that age and to your sibling, shes in counseling thank god, but some times i worry about her, we talk alot. i am very proud of her though she was recently honored as a hero for saving her 6 month old sister that day by grabbing her and running out of the house with her to saftey. i thank god everyday that she is still here because he could have taken her life too. i just miss him, its been 2 1/2 years and sometimes it feels like yesterday.

Wow, April...I am speechless. I am so sorry that your family had to, and continues to, deal with such a horrible tragedy. I am glad you found this site. It may help you to see how others deal with grief and loss, as well as give you an outlet to express your thoughts without fear of being judged, or being told how you should feel or act. Grief is different for everyone. I know that day has changed you & the rest of your family forever.

Feel free to write anytime. This forum as well as the bereavement forum have helped me tremdously to feel like I have not lost my mind completely. Everyone here is very understanding and trying to cope with their own losses.

Take care....Sara

I know how your stepdaughter feels I was 10 when I saw my brother and others get killed. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. It is hard when some one you love is killed espicaly in such a violent way. I have been there and I guess you could say I still am. Let me know what I can do to help.

Hi: I am so very sorry about your loss and about the circumstances of such a tragedy. It sure does seem senseless doesn't it? Please feel free to post h ere anytime. Talking about your feelings will help. I lost my son four years ago in a senseless tragedy. The pain is not as intense now but the overwhelming facts of the tradegy still cause me to not be able to completely take it in.

I had to look at my son and my beliefs in a new way. He was 38 when he died. I knew him for 38 years. He was a wonderful, very bright person, he was funny and constantly surprised me with his talents. I was grateful for having him in my life for those years. If he had to die at 38, then it was my privalage to have shared my life with him. I came to the conclusion that his death was quick without undue suffering. That helped me most. I would not have been able to stand the thought of him suffering. Were there others involved and at fault. Yes.

I just had to leave that in the hands of the Lord to take care of. That's too b ig for me to deal with.

I cherish the moments I shared with my son. I cherish the thought of him and I think of him every day. I try to honor his memory in ways he would approve. And I do that when I have the need to do that which helps me with my grief.

Once I was able to look at his life, rather than at his death, I could see just what a gift he actually was to me. I am able to share some of my memories of him with the family. That also helps greatly.

thank you and im sorry to hear about all your losses as well, it can be diffucult to deal with at times, i try to remember all the fun times and funny moments we all had with my step brother, he truly loved life and had such a deep respect for people. i guess my problem is i have so many questions that ill never get answered, like how can i man say he loved that kid one day then kill him the next? and why didnt they charge him with murder? i hate the fact that everytime someone murders someone they automatically claim insanity! i dont agree with that, now two years later this guy wants to get out and back into society! anyway thank you all again this really helps me. god bless

Hi; I sure cannot give you any answers but since you put the tragedy under domestic violence, I would suggest that if you have time, you might be able to do some volunteer work for the shelter for the women and children. They are a wonderful resource for women who want to get out of a domestic violent situation. I'm sure you could contact a social worker at the county mental health agency and let them know you would like to help. They would be in need perhaps of toys, blankets, and so many other things. It's worth a phone call. Shelters are usually not made public but I think you would be able to contact someone at he mh agency who would know how you can help. It could be a way for you to do something tangable so other vulnerable persons can get out of that kind of situation. It's just a suggestion.

thank you nevayda, thats a great idea! we do a walk every may in honor of my stepbrother and raise money for domestic violence as well, i never thought of volunteering thank you again for the suggestion i will definatly look into it, i do love to help people!