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snichols11 Posts: 458
Senior Member
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I think the hardest part is accepting something you simply don't want to accept. I found out my best friend had died on June 23, 2008, at about 4:30 in the afernoon. I can still remember every feeling, the cold wash of shock pouring over me, running outside of work, standing in the sidewalk, and crying. My world changed forever in that moment, time stopped. And that was just the beginning. How long has it been? About nine months? While I still can't believe he is gone, I think I have at least progressed to acceptance now. And trust me....very, very relunctantly. I finally stopped calling his telephone number when they gave it to someone else. But otherwise, I'd still call it. Just to feel a little normal. It is still programmed in my cell phone. And sometimes I find myself driving to his apartment. I walk in, I want to knock, and have find him sitting on his couch, listening to Gong or Hawkwind or one of those groups he liked so well. I would give everything I own for him to be back. I think about him every single day. I can't even leave him messages anymore. I go to his funeral parlor site and write to him in his memorial page every now and then, tears rolling down my face. I think that happens when you lose someone suddenly, like you did your dad. My dad was weak, sick, although he was only 64 his body looked and felt much older. He suffered plenty. Dale, my friend, hada lot of anxiety and painful depression. Although he did not commit suicide, I know he thought about it. I try so hard just to be happy for him, that his suffering in this life as we know it is done. And for someone to get to the brink of suicide, the suffering must be unbearable. To answer your question, it gets better, but it doesn't. I try to be happy for my dad & friend. That they don;t have to ever suffer the kind of grief that we are right now. Take care, Sara My advice is from my own experience; I am not trained in any medical field. |
