MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
04/09/2011 10:42 AM

Father-in-law is dying..

kcchiefette
kcchiefette  
Posts: 184
Member

On Wednesday night, my boyfriend's father took a heart attack and then a cardiac arrest, and had to have emergency CPR. Since then, he has been kept completely sedated in hospital, and it is looking like a recovery will not be made, and that his heart is too weak to pull through.. they are almost certain he will die.

When I was 6, I went through near enough the same thing. My father died due to a heart attack, at a very young age and left my mother widowed. I felt empty in those years and also very lonely and never received any form of counselling. I never really cried in front of anybody about it either.. and bottled it all up to stay strong for my mum who then battled depression.

I'm 18 now, and although I'm over my father dying, this whole incident has brought up really extreme emotions for me.. I feel hurt and hopeless in this situation and feel terrible for the feelings that my boyfriend and his family are going through.

You would have thought he was my biological family, the way I'm getting on. I can't concentrate, I'm teary, emotional and feel pressure to be a rock and perfect support for my boyfriend. I feel that I can't cry or mourn because he isn't my own father. I nearly cried when me and my boyfriend went to see him in intensive care, but stopped myself so I could comfort him.

I have taken all this quite badly.. I have been throwing up, have a tension headache constantly to the point where I'm feeling dizzy and faint and my head and emotions are all over the place. And yet I feel I can't voice out these emotions and will feel guilty in doing so when his own famil probably feel a lot worse..

I don't know how to cope anymore Sad

Reply

04/09/2011 12:10 PM
scotty04901
scotty04901  
Posts: 2579
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I'm Scott. GL here. You say you're "over the death of your Dad". I submit to you, no you weren't. These issues with you boyfriend's Dad are proof of that. People deal with the stages of grief in their own time. No set time, no set order. These issues with his Dad triggered them. You are dealing with those emotions two fold. With his Dad and Yours. You're normal. Hell, I'm 53 and I knew my Dad would die. It hit hard last yr and it sneaks up now and then. Some days worse than others. Let his Dad know how you feel. I'll bet he will be flattered and he'll tell you he is here for you. I'm here for you too

Post edited by: scotty04901, at: 04/09/2011 12:11 PM


04/10/2011 04:57 AM
kcchiefette
kcchiefette  
Posts: 184
Member

Thanks, I've never really felt any sort of pain over the loss of my dad as my mum tried to help me concentrate on the 'happy times'. I often felt a little empty etc but I guess as I only a small kid, I just adapted to life like that. I think I've cried more often than my boyfriend himself. He was laughing and chatting away with friends, and there's me crying in the next room. I don't feel as though I'm mourning is father, but more like I mourn for the feelings that his family are going to endure when it happens, because obviously I know what that's like (as my mother also got depressed afterwards which was not pleasant to live with). I feel terribly selfish crying about this when he isn't even my own father.. but I am beginning to think it's my own situation that sparked this off. I'm trying to calm myself down recently after I fainted last night due to a massive tension headache.. it's just hard being that rock for his family, when you are suffering as well..

Thanks for your kind words Smile


04/10/2011 05:21 AM
scotty04901
scotty04901  
Posts: 2579
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

You have a different perspective now. That makes a difference. You had the perspective of a child before, rather than more of a grown up. I'm here for you, and as I suggested, tell your father in law how you feel. It may help
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved