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05/04/2012 08:45 AM

Off Topic but the ADHD forum is no help!

Posts: 17
New Member

Morning All -

I tried posting this in the ADHD forum and have received no replies... in fact there hasn't been a post on their board in a week or so... What are all of your thoughts on this? I know ADHD / ADD is fairly commonly diagnosed but I need someones help here!

Good Morning,

My son has had ADD for quite some time now and he only very recently (two years?) has been on medication because we tried everything under the sun to try and moderate his behavior without medication.

He is in seventh grade now and is easily smart enough to do well in school but has serious problems with discipline, motivation and organization. I know that even without ADD he would still have these problems because he is a teenage boy and that is what they do.

The problem I am having is that he goes throughout the quarters in school with usually B's, C's, D's and F's and then usually manages to pull out C's just at the very end of the quarter and then only because my wife and I start talking to his teachers almost daily, watching the grades as they pop up in his classes or lack thereof.

We have considered holding him back and in the same breath moving him to another school so he doesn't get stuck with the stigma of being the kid who was held back and whatnot.

What I'm really looking for here is some input on "How much help is too much?" Some of his teachers have suggested that we let him fail and get held back while others think that would be the worst thing we could do.

I am starting to feel that holding him back is a logical action at this point because he would not be able to pass if I wasn't watching over his shoulder. If he was able to pull out C's at least without help then there wouldn't be a question as to letting him continue. I just feel that school is going to continue to get harder and I would prefer to hold him back where he is now instead of waiting for him to actually end a quarter with all D's and F's because then it isn't our choice.



05/04/2012 01:27 PM
Posts: 464

Oh my gosh, that's a tricky one. I don't have kids, so any advice I give would totally be based on my (faint) memories of my teenage years. I would probably say leave him to it, and if he fails he gets held back. At some point he's going to need to stand on his own without you watching over him, and getting held back could give him the push he needs to work harder - if only to avoid it happening again. Re-doing the year could also give him some breathing space and a chance to get a fresh start. But like I say, I don't have kids, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to take that step back when you obviously want to help him as much as possible.

05/04/2012 05:53 PM
Light68Posts: 520

I was kept back twice, I struggled through out school, and never learnt to spell until late in life so it was hard. I also have 3 son's only one left at high school (Australia) and he is struggling, but not because on a learning disability, but because he gave up on life when his father and I separated, My middle son when he was at school I was told he was ADHD and yes he was a handful.

So what I have learnt is that talking with children and really listening to how they feel about the situation and explaining the different aspects to then so they feel like they are involved in the decision, this has helped me so much with the decision I have had to make.

At the moment I am pushing my youngest as you have to pass year 10, we are talking about what he needs to do to help him self pass and why he needs to pass, what does he want to do for employment (Baker, chef, painter, just some of the things he came up with)and what I can do to assist as well as talking to the school and what they can do to assist.

I was forced to go to a school, I didn't want to go to, I hated it. No one ever asked me...

Post edited by: Light68, at: 05/04/2012 05:55 PM

05/06/2012 08:50 AM
Posts: 576

My 13 year old daughter has refused to do homework and study until about the mid of 5th grade. What helped was that I told her she will have to repeat and its up to her to act responsibly. I told her i believe she can do better if she works harder. When she told me I don't understand I showed her my report cards and told her how I struggled in grade school because of my ADHD and failed until about 7th grade and how hard I worked to overcome it. I showed her the teacher's comment from 6th grade: "When all else is lost, the future still remains." The future was there alright. By 8th grade I was a top student through lots of perspiration and determination. She had to repeat kindergarten and almost repeated 6th grade. Now she scored above average on the ELA (English language arts- a national test) and math. She still has setbacks when she lets her guard down. But its up to your kid. I let my daughter choose. It made her feel more in control of her grades and more motivated.

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