Hi, my name is Amy, and I am a momma to two beautiful babes... 2.5 and 5 months. I think i may have Cyclothymic disorder.
I believe it started when i was pregnant with my daughter (shes 2.5). I just get in these crazy moods. My husband can say one little thing (it could be nothing really) and it sets me off for DAYS. I will verbally attack him over and over and I just don't stop. I pick at every aspect of everything. I can't stop myself. During these times I also feel weak, indifferent, lazy, no motivation, don't want to play with my kids or cook or eat. Then I will just snap out of it and be back to normal. But the thing is I only do this to my husband. I don't act like this around anyone else.
For example, he asked me a few months ago if he could go overnight hunting with my dad and my sister's boyfriend Dec 1. I said sure. well as it got closer I kept making him feel guilty about it, saying he would rather go hunting than be with his family, that he is stupid to hunt. I try to manipulate and control the situation. I still don't want him to go.
Other times I feel normal. Other times I wasnt to try new recipes, or repaint my whole house, or do projects with my kids. Or go shopping ans spend money we really don't have.
I also have bad anxiety about things, always worry about something bad happening. I think about him getting shot on this trip, or a car accident.
At first I thought I was just crazy when i was pregnant, but I am like this too when i am not pregnant. Our health insurance doesn't cover mental health, and i am breastfeeding my 5 month old son and will be for at least another year and a half.
It really could be a number of things and cyclothymia being one of them. It becomes very hard to know for sure when you are pregnant b/c your hormones are so chaotic. I would definitely go and see a psych doc and have an eval done. I would also consider at least a short time with a therapist to rule out anything else. There are many places that have sliding scale payment plans so you can afford help. Also, if there are graduate programs in your area for Psychology they typically will see people for a small fee b/c the students need the "practice" and hours. They are supervised by licensed therapists. I have used this in the past as well and found it to be great. I am here anytime you need to talk. I am so sorry it took me so long to get back to you this time. I had to go into the hospital for med management. Keep on keeping on and I hope to talk to you soon.
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