Cyclothymia Support Group

I was just recently diagnosed with cyclothymia,and by recent I mean like a day ago. I had never heard of it before and I never figured in a million years that I had this thing, not sure what to call it yet, the real name just sounds too big right now. But anyway being the way I am, I had to find out as much as possible about this. And I think more than actual facts, real experiences and accounts from other people who have this are much more helpful and make me feel a whole lot less alone. I had always thought I was a little strange and different but didn't think too much of it until just recently. I hurt someone I really love emotionally with my constant pulling close and pushing away. And so I sat down and thought, there's something wrong with me because I love this person with my life so I just couldn't explain why I made such rash and hurtful decisions. It never mattered before but then I met this person and it all changed, I wanted to change. And so yesterday, I got my answer but I still don't want to use this thing as an excuse for my behavior, I want to see it as, as strange as it sounds as a solution. A start. Before I didn't know where I stood but now that I know, I can begin to move forward.

Hi and welcome, HB! I agree with you completely - knowing what the problem is is a first step towards fixing it. When you're first diagnosed, it can be a relief to understand what's causing your problems, but it can also be scary. Feel free to post some more here as the news has time to sink in.

hello hb welcome to the group. venus is right, knowing the problem is half the battle won and I would suggest that you learn as much as you can, at your own pace about Cyclothymia. If you have any questions feel free to ask

Post edited by: ikhwan, at: 07/31/2010 11:26 PM

Hi HB,

I just posted a new member thing, but I don't think actually posted!

Anyway, I have a partner who I am certain has Cyclothymia. Until this week, I just couldn't understand how he could be so nasty yet love me so much too in between. Now I know, and reading your post too, it really helps and I'm sure he knows he hurts me so badly. I am going to try to be as supportive as possible and to find a way to encourage him to get help as he doesn't know he has this condition. I need to find the right way and moment to discuss it with him.

Have you discussed this with the person you love? I find the times that mine is kind and sweet and caring carry me through the hurt. Now I know the 'nasty' side isn't really him or my fault, I feel sure it won't be such an enormous struggle for me not to take things so personally.

If your loved one doesn't know, it can be very confusing and bewildering for them too to cope with the constant cycle of pushing away and pulling close. Maybe you could direct he/she to this forum for a read. I'm also considering buying mine the Cyclothymia work book. I've seen a lot of positive comments about it. I think understanding and working through the harder times together is key. I've seen a few bits of so-called advice on the net to 'get rid' of partners suffering from this which is utterly apalling. If you love a person, that's not the answer. We've only been together 7 months but I'm in this for life with him and fully prepared to do whatever I can.

Good luck with all!

Unfortunately, it's a bit too late in my case. There had been too many times where I did the pushing and pulling and so it finally broke it all. It's sad because when I finally knew what the problem was, when I had finally found the key piece to the puzzle, I came back and found there wasn't a puzzle to solve anymore. I can sincerely say I don't blame her for not wanting to return to me, I really caused her a lot of pain and so much damage.And so right now, we're both trying to mend ourselves, so we can live healthy lives. Of course, I wish it didn't have to be this way, but she needs it to be and so I'm willing to do whatever it takes for her to be well; after all she's done the same exact thing for me a hundred times. But I wish you the best of luck, I'm sure that if both of you guys are willing to work together for the sake of love, then there's absolutely nothing that will stop you, especially not a bump in the road like cyclothymia.

P.S. I ordered the work book, thanks for letting me know about it.

Hi hb, glad you've ordered the book

I haven't put it to him yet what I've discovered about Cycl. so I think it will be some time before we can work through things. It's all too big for me to just drop my thoughts on him and so I thought I might make a diary of my own togther with info I've found on the net and then try to pick the right time to sit down and talk to him. Thing is that I don't want to bring down one of his good moods or make one of his angry episodes worse so I need to think that through first.

We've had a set back tonight. He's been mainly 'normal' and seemingly happy for three days now which is good for him. We got engaged Saturday which we already were really but didn't have the money for a ring until then. However, after the first few months together being very intense and very close, the last few weeks he's shown no interest. (hope that's not too much information.)

When I try to talk about it, he gets angry, just has he's done tonight. I've just undergone a whole tirade of abuse; swearing and shouting and hitting me with what he knows would hurt me the most.

Problem is, I have feelings and doubts and insecurities too but I can't just let him ignore those because I need to put him first with his mood. I'm feeling just how hard this is tonight as I'm tired and and won't sleep yet again and I don't know how to deal with this. I can accept that it's not his fault but I can't accept that I'll never be able to communicate to him when I'm feeling insecure about things.

I tried to construct my wording very carefully so as to not offend, make him feel less of a man etc. tried to turn it on me as if to say that it may be something I've neglected. He always says that he wants me to talk to him with my feelings but gets angry with me when I do. Jeez this is tough

Thank you for your kind wishes. I'm a firm believer in love and I can see you are really trying to sort things out so that the two of you can be happy too. If there's anything I can help with please ask, and I may need your advice too if that's ok with you!

It was hard for me to let my partner know when I was feeling down, in fact I kept it from her a lot of the times. Not because I didn't trust her but because I didn't trust myself...I just felt so low and felt no one should touch me,emotionally, and especially not her because I felt so worthless.During those moments, I honestly couldn't see why she would be with someone like me and it wouldn't matter what she said or did. I just wasn't there. But you know something I did find helpful when I was starting to feel that way, I used to read through these little notes that she made for me. They were little notes listing reasons why she loved me and at times they would be enough to snap me out of it. I don't think she knows how much those meant to me. I felt horrible after saying the things I said to her because I truly loved her and when I was back to regular old me, I did everything I could to make sure you she knew it.But even though I made her happy, the price was just too high to pay. How I wish I had known about my condition beforehand, so please do have talk with your fiancée. It could really help not only your relationship but it would help him and you too. Trust me, two broken people is a really sad combination.

Oh thank you so much hb! I will try the notes, that seems like a great idea

When he's at work, I do send him two or three texts a day telling him how much I love him but the notes are more concrete I suppose.

I also put a love heart sweet in his packed-lunch every day - soppy!!

I have noticed that sometimes when he's switched to angry state, it does work if I just give him a hug and say a few calming words but I'm not always able to do that and especially when I've bottled-up my own feelings and can't rationalise them. I guess it gets to me occassionally.

There's so little information on the net and what I was really looking for was reasons why but I do understand that it's not known always by the sufferer so it's a toughie and I'm very, very grateful that you have given me some insight as to how he's feeling when he pushes me away and goes into a rage.

When he does, he talks and shouts very quickly, almost like shouting out in punctuation. One nasty word after another and I'm almost crying in despair as to what to do when he does that and then he gets even more angry BECAUSE I'm crying - arrgghhh!!

Monday, we sat down and talked as he said he needed to talk and so I bit the bullet and told him about cyclothymia. He didn't disagree and took it very well and last night said he wanted to read the info I've collected, so that makes me very happy and gives me some hope that we can work out what to do and how to learn togehter about this.

I can't go through another night like Sunday again. I self-medicated and drank so much that I'm still feeling ill from it. Haven't eaten really since and I'm not sleeping well so it's hit crisis point for us. I have to protect myself but I have to be there for him too.

Reading what people say about how they feel with this condition makes me realise he needs more suppport than ever and I really feel for you all. I can't even begin to imagine what you go through.

It sounds to me like your girlfriend was really making an effort to help and you're right, having no idea of what's going on due to no diagnosis, makes it really hard for the partner to deal with.

Maybe time apart is all that you two need. It's a real shell-shock for the partner too and I wish I'd known earlier and taken a little time out to think things through as it can get so intense at times.

He's 34 now and I can't believe he's gone through life without a diagnosis believing he just loses girlfriends because he's 'bad'.

I think it started during his school days, maybe around 14 years as that's when his schooling took a turn for the worse which means he's suffered now for 20 years!

Thanks again and sorry for long post.

Hi HB,

Just want to say thank you for such honest posts... and for being so positive. So much of what you said hit chords with me because I did the exact same thing, and am still doing it now to most of the people I'm close to. But I think some of your can-do attitude has rubbed off on me. Or maybe it's just knowing there's someone else out there who feels the exact same way and that I'm not as isolated as I thought. This whole forum thing is pretty cool.

Hi guys..i recently diagnosed by cyclothymia just 2 last days and it was big shock for me as i understood all those abnormal behaviors came from this disorder....i missed my best friends i hurt so much and i did nt know that i have cyclothymia...im 34 years old and atleast im happy that my mental illness was couse of all those acts..i have started medication depakote and venlafaxine together and fee weeks later cognitive behavior therapy too...please give me other advise you have im happy of finding this place....