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04/30/2012 10:44 AM

Does this sound like you, too?

xbexidabestx
 
Posts: 70
Member

Hi all, Im new to this, kind of logged on and signed up as a last resort.

My life = a mess.

FINALLY after 4 years of suspecting I had some form of bipolar, I moved to a new area, had my 5th mental health assesment, and Cyclothymia fits the bill. I was diagnosed about 3 months ago. I thought having a diagnosis, and medication, would make everything better. Knowing the illness, making friends with it, embracing it and understanding it.. surely would make me just a little bit better?

However...

In the past week I have had 4 extramarital affairs, through some sexually driven force that I have NO IDEA how to stop. This isnt unusual, I have a child who has 3 potential fathers, I went to the docs a few years ago asking for help with hypersexuality. It comes and goes as it pleases, chewing up and spitting out my relationship along the way. A few pointless docs appts and some shitty leaflet through the post was all i got. It seems to me that mental health isnt something that is taken very seriously by doctors. Which makes me irritable.

Just had an argument with the bf, Which came out of nowhere. I dont think he even said anything, but its like a switch in my brain which turns me into uberbitch. I shouted at him, walked out, walked back in, tried to kick him out, walked back out again... told him he was useless, told him I hoped he wasnt the father of our child. Smacked my head against the wall, ouch, made a dent.. And now.. Im all like WTF.. totally normal again. Thinking through all the things ive said, HURTING SO MUCH from all the pain ive caused him. But as my mood goes now, Im feeling all happy go lucky again?!

Silly

I wish after an episode, people could just move on and forget about it like I can. Except, they all want 'answers'... Why did i say/do this.. did I mean it? Is it true? This makes me all irritable again, and there is the cycle... Its so hard to explain to people that words just fall out of my face sometimes.. words that havent even crossed my brain alot of the time..

I worry about when my daughter grows up, she is 6 months old now, but she cant see me like this!! What if I tell her I dont love her when Im 'on one'.. What if she sees me throwing objects.. banging my head against the wall..

(about the banging my head thing.. Theres just so much racing around in my head at the time that I want to 'shake it out' coz I cant cope with that along with my emotions and people trying to talk to me all at the same time.._

I know this is a completely random non making sensey blog.. but I guess I just wanted to know if this sounds familiar to anyone else? And how do you cope? Any coping strategies?? Also, does anyone else experieence extreme sexual behavior? It takes over my life to the point that i am not a partner, nor a mother.. Im a) too embarrassed to go and see a doctor and b) have no faith in going to the doctors to be shunned away as i have before.

God this doesnt make sense....

Thanks in advance for any replies

B xxx

Silly

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04/30/2012 11:04 AM
wisewuman
Posts: 251
Member

From what you've said, you've been diagnosed with Cyclothymia and put on medication. However, you still appear to have abrupt altered states with no control. You must go back to your psychiatric doctor (assuming you have one?) and review your medication and you also need some form of therapy. You'll get better quicker with BOTH medication & therapy.

You're right to think about your future, especially as you're a mother. Get professional help & get it sooner rather than later and get well, if not for you, for your daughter.

Post edited by: wisewuman, at: 04/30/2012 11:05 AM


04/30/2012 11:53 AM
xbexidabestx
 
Posts: 70
Member

A psychiatric doctor? No. Just got a doctor, who even after my diagnosis, STILL thinks its 'just an overactive thyroid'.

What kinds of therapy are out there? I has Cogniative Behavioural Therapy as a child.. and a bit of councelling. But a 6 week councelling course doesnt help me when I need someone to talk to in 8 weeks time??


05/01/2012 12:33 AM
wisewuman
Posts: 251
Member

Cyclothymia - surely to have been diagnosed properly, you'd have needed to be assessed by a psychiatric doctor. Challenge your doctor about this.

Overactive thyroid - has your doctor carried out the tests for this?

Therapy - there are all sorts of long term therapy out there but for cyclothymia/bipolar I'd advise you to research psychotherapy.

Post edited by: wisewuman, at: 05/01/2012 01:01 AM


05/01/2012 03:36 AM
xbexidabestx
 
Posts: 70
Member

I got referred to a mental health and wellbeing service, if I wanted to go back and talk to them, Id have to go to my doctor, get re-refered, put on a waiting list until they could make a space for me. About 6 weeks?? Are you living in America? Im in England and our healthcare is different I suppose...

I find it so difficult to approach doctors regarding mental health issues, they are so useless.. It seems if you cant see it, it is not there.....


05/01/2012 07:30 AM
wisewuman
Posts: 251
Member

I'm in England! I'm sorry you feel that way but they're not all useless. I know of members on this site that have had good experiences with NHS doctors and processes/procedures. There are 2 great GPs at my surgery although the initial NHS psychiatrist I was referred to was mediocre.

Correct NHS referral procedure = GP refers you to the psychiatric unit that covers your catchment area and then you're given a psychiatric doctor that will conduct regular reviews with you.

Nowadays, I've got a private psychiatric consultant & private psychotherapist. Both excellent.


05/01/2012 07:47 AM
rainegirl
rainegirl  
Posts: 464
Member

I'm with wisewuman - a GP shouldn't be diagnosing mood disorders. I've got nothing against GPs, I love mine, but they aren't qualified to make those diagnoses. If your GP thinks that you have a mood disorder or any mental illness, they should be sending you to a psychiatrist for a consultation, not doing the job themselves and writing you off.

There are a few physical ailments that can produce the same symptoms you would get with a mood disorder, so prior to any diagnosis your doctor should have run some blood tests to check that everything's functioning right. I don't know the full list of physical ailments that can present like bipolar, but thyroid problems are one of them. My doctor got about 4 tubes of blood from me, so I'm assuming that there's plenty of physical causes that need to be ruled out first!

CBT is one of the favoured therapies for bipolar, but I don't get on with it too well so I'm having psychodynamic (i.e. "talking"Wink therapy. I find that in the UK you will usually be offered an initial course of 6 weeks CBT. I had to specifically ask for longer term therapy, due to my concerns about coping without any support, and got put on the waiting list for 12 months worth of sessions. Again, I had to be evaluated by a psychotherapist for this prior to being wait-listed.

In terms of people responding badly to episodes... I think anyone who's ever had an upsetting or embarrassing episode wishes they could just avoid dealing with it. Unfortunately we often say or do hurtful, confusing or strange things that have an impact on others. Part of coping with the condition is being able to deal with our negative behaviour and apologise or explain ourselves to those affected by our episodes.

In terms of hypersexuality, I do tend to experience it - probably more often than I'm aware of. It was more problematic when I was younger, I find it easier to resist the destructive behaviour now. I find it easier to think through the consequences and stop myself from acting on impulse, having experienced how damaging certain behaviours can be. I think it's important to remember that when you have bipolar you do still have a choice about how you act. It's a lot easier and more tempting to act the way your emotions are telling you to, but that doesn't mean you have to.


05/01/2012 07:52 AM
rainegirl
rainegirl  
Posts: 464
Member

Just to follow up, based on new posts...

I'm also in the UK. GP was fantastic. Originally went to her with symptoms of depression and was given counselling, not meds. Continued to have problems, and counselling, on-and-off. Went back to GP, who was 100% supportive of getting me a psych consult. Went through the hoopla, short wait to see pdoc, short wait for therapy, short wait to be assessed for long-term therapy, now seeing a great therapist/psychiatrist on a weekly basis. All for free, all on the NHS.

Admittedly, I will only see 2 GPs out of the 7 that work at my local practice - I don't feel comfortable with the others. If you don't like your GP, switch. I'm also fairly demanding when it comes to my healthcare and I tell my doctors what I feel I need and what I want.


05/01/2012 01:04 PM
nurse932
Posts: 576
Member

When I read "banging my head against the wall.." It brought back memories from childhood. When I was super agitated and asked my mom what to do she told me "Go bang your head against the wall." She was kidding. I wasn't. She made me think, "Oh, good idea."

05/11/2012 02:06 PM
Jods
 
Posts: 33
Member

I had the same feeling as you.

I have two little girls. And i use to tell them i hated them and that i would open the front door and let them out so the could never come back. They are 1 and 3. I made my oldest so scared to go to pre school as would tell i wouldnt come and pick her up. I use to flip out at them all the time. Been on meds 6 week now and i havent fliped out once. You need to do a mood dairy and write down how you feel in different mood states and take it back to them. Im in england to it took me so long you need to find the wright doctor who will help.

I hope u get the help you need.

Have you spoke to your health vistior???

Xxxx

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