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04/21/2011 07:11 AM

Issues with family support

cafonez
Posts: 23
Member

I was wondering if anyone else had issues with family being supportive. For example my fiancee gets really upset when I am in the restrooom at work because it becomes unpaid time for me. She thinks I can continue working even with having to use the restroom and when I complain of stomach pains she thinks I'm exaggerating. She also thinks if I don't smile or comment on something right away that I am unhappy and unappreciative but I try to explain I'm in pain alot.

My mother keeps telling me I need to eat this or that or that I'm not eating healthy enough. I try to explain it doesn't work for me right now with any diet changes. I've tried not drinking soda for a month i've tried more vegetables to only find out it hurts in digesting them but I just don't get any support in my family and sometimes it hurts alot. A big comment I always hear is "oh another doctors appt when will this stop? "

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04/21/2011 07:32 AM
libit
libit  
Posts: 2449
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

My family doesn't "get" it either. But I can guarantee you if they had crohns I'd be listening to alot of moaning and groaning from them. Funny how that works huh..But if you have one person that understands and shows you compassion stick with them. My youngest sister has been right there and for that I truly respect her. My Mom will say the same things, what are you eating, you're doing to much, you worry about to much. BTW she is a big worrier. So I keep the ones who don't want to try and understand from knowing alot of what is going on. I've had 5 major surgeries and another one in 2 weeks. For those that want to show support in my family I will appeciate it for those who don't well thy aren't really worth my time. I'd ditch the girlfriend.

04/21/2011 08:31 AM
cafonez
Posts: 23
Member

Thanks lilbit sorry to hear about your situation. You been through surgeries and still having issues with support I am truly sorry and my heart goes out to you. I wish you Goodluck on your next surgery and I will keep you in my thoughts ::hugs::

04/21/2011 12:10 PM
lyris
lyris  
Posts: 276
Member

I am so blessed. Even my ex-husbands were great when I was so sick. My first saw me drop to 83 pounds and again when I dropped from 110 pounds to 92 pounds. After the birth of our youngest daughter he talked to a friend of his whose wife was a head nurse in a hospital.

She knew of two gut docs who helped me get better. I had one for years until he retired. The other one didn't handle "Ileitis."

My girls were very young then, my middle and youngest daughters had no memory of me being healthy at all until three years later.

Today two are in their forties and one is thirty nine and they still are supportive of me.


04/21/2011 12:57 PM
starshine
starshine  
Posts: 875
Senior Member

I too do not get much support from my family...they don't understand..I wish some of them would take the time to read up on cd...they just wonder why I don't go out with them ...why can't I eat where they eat..etc etc..My husband is not home much..I think he tries to understand..he sure has been to er and dr apts w/me..I have one friend who has read up on cd because I have it..she is a blessing...if your future wife is having issues now...think ahead please..

..and feel better

Blessings


04/21/2011 03:00 PM
kildare56
kildare56  
Posts: 4146
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I do hope everyone doesn't mind if I present a slightly different take on this. Let me first explain that I fully understand and agree with what has been said here. Are you ready for the big however? Here it comes! My wife and I are in the situation in which we both have very serious conditions. I have Crohn's and she is diabetic and in stage three kidney failure. Most importantly though is that we both have communication and are very involved in helping each other. She does a far better job of it than I, but I do try. The rest of my family and friends do not understand it, but they don't diminish it either. They treat it as something serious that they do not understand.

I think sometimes we as the afflicted forget that our "non-afflicted" family and friends are suddenly confronted with a loved one suffering from something they do not and cannot understand. The best they can do is be supportive and simply "be there" because they care about us. It often makes them feel hopelessly useless and impotent to help when they most want to. So, let's not be too quick to dismiss these people, be patient and allow them to be human.

Lastly, the others are right. Dump her!


04/21/2011 03:43 PM
lyris
lyris  
Posts: 276
Member

Beautifully put Kildare.

I hope all goes better for both you and your wife.


04/21/2011 09:13 PM
zaftig
zaftig  
Posts: 521
Member

I came on here to comment pretty much with kildare said (except with far less grace, of course). Many people are uneducated about many health issues, and there's no way to "win" with them except to gently educate them about what they simply don't know. For example, it's taken four years, but first-hand exposure to my sometimes severe Crohn's reactions has made my mother-in-law realize I've got a way worse condition than "nervous stomach". Smile

That being said, there's one particular mindset I'm embraced throughout the years. It's the difference between sympathy and empathy. When we're in tons of pain, are weak from having pooped and puked our poor little hearts out, and interact with our loved ones at wildly inconsistent levels of energy, we're *probably* going to get one of three reactions from them: empathy, sympathy, or apathy. I think your conundrum right now is determining what people in your life give you the reactions you feel that you need/deserve for your specific situation.

Post edited by: zaftig, at: 04/22/2011 08:48 AM


04/22/2011 02:53 AM
lyris
lyris  
Posts: 276
Member

Amen to that Zaftig.

04/22/2011 04:42 AM
chrissiejb
chrissiejb  
Posts: 689
Member

I was told a couple of weeks ago that one of my nieces has an issue with me going to her baby shower because I might talk about my illnesses. I was told by my sister so I'm still not sure who actually said it. I was so gutted and hurt. As if I would anyway and if I was ill I wouldn't go (which I know you get because you would have all missed stuff you wanted to go to). I still feel really hurt and don't know whether to go or not (haven't had an invitation yet and it's next month so I may not get one!). No one in my family gets it and that's why I love this place so much.
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